Going Home
by Manickliam
Summary: Nine year old Bella's life was filled with bullies and bruises. She was miserable until one day a family moves in next door. It's here she learns to love and be loved. But her steele fisted father moves them away to Forks. Will Bella find her way back?
1. Chapter 1

Going Home

Chapter 1

BPOV (June, 2001) 9 years old

I was an awkard girl. No if's, and's, or but's, about it.

There was just no escaping the growing evidence that I was, for lack of a better term, odd. There were many contributing factors at play here...

One, I was a natural loner. So making friends never came easily to me.

Second, I looked different from every other girl in Scotsdale, making me stick out in a crowd. Where they were pretty, bloned, and athletic. I was pale, unccordinated, and plain.

And thirdly, I was the daughter of a steele fisted police officer.

When Charlie drove me to school in his cruiser every morning I prepared for the inevitable humiliation. My father, a burly man by nature, looked intimidating in his snug blue uniform and highly visible gunbelt. He would slide on his aviater sunglasses, and smile beneath his cheesy mustach. I often wondered if he realized just how cliche` he looked.

During the morning commute to school Charlie would manage to pull over at least three of my classmates parents. They would beg him for leaniance, a warning instead of a ticket. But Charlie, with his holier-than-thou attitude, merely lectured and wrote the ticket with a flourish. With a tip of his cop issued hat, he strutted back to the cruiser, snickering. I could just imagine the horrible things they spat once he was out of ear shot. And while they couldn't do anything about my fathers lack of empathy, their children could. I was the next best thing their parents had to making Charlie pay. But, to their ignorance, Charlie never noticed the fresh bruises blossoming all over my body.

My mother, however, did.

She was called to school on many occassions, finding me in the nurses office, pampering a blacken eye or a busted lip. The principal would steeple his fingers and ask Renee how we could help Bella better coexist with her peers. Like it was somehow my fault I was being beat up. I gaped indignantly, wishing I could scream at the top of my lungs_; I'm not the one using my fists, here! I'm just the punching bag! This is all Charlies fault!_

It was in these moments that I really hated my father.

These meetings always ended up with my mother hollaring at my father, and myself fleeing to my bedroom in humiliation and shame. She tried to explain the consequences I was suffering. But Charlie would argue that this was hardly his fault. That no one was exempt from the law just because I happen to know them. I understood that. But I knew how much he enjoyed antagonizing the people he pulled over. I watched it unfold over and over again. It was a power trip for Charlie. And I just happen to get caught in the line of fire when he was itching that particular itch.

I would dash up the stairs and cry myself to sleep, book splayed open on my chest, fiction my only escape from the shouts echoing throught the house.

The characters I read about were strong and brave. No one pushed them around. And if someone tried, they always got sweet revenge in the end. I wished I could sink into the pages and just be them for a day. To stare into the faces of my monsters and rain hell down upon them.

Renee noticed my lack of enthusiasm when it came to... well, anything, really... and pestered Charlie to build me a tree house. I'm not sure what good she thought would come of it, but who was I to turn down a perfectly good tree house?

Eventually my father agreed.

He dragged the project out over several long weekends, moaning over how he was missing all his sport shows. The wood he used was recycled from a junk yard, the planks a weathered gray color. Rusted nails and splinters still stuck out of them haphazardly from whatever structure they used to form. Charlie and I carefully removed them, depositing them in an old tin can. Eventually we had a pile of gray boards resembling swiss cheese. And once we finished nailing it back together, I thought it looked like a tiny haunted house, perched high in a thick maple tree in the back yard.

It was the best tree house on the block.

On a sleepy saturday morning I wolfed down a bowl of cereal and climbed the ladder to my tree house. I shuffled across the wooden floor and kneeled down in the middle of it. I looked around myself, smiling. It was my own personal castle in the sky. I could be anything I wanted to be up here. A beautiful princess. A brave crusader. I could even sing as loud as I pleased without fear of being overheard.

But what I mostly enjoyed about the tree house... was the solitude. I really belive Renee had a moment of pre-cognition when she suggested it.

I wasn't feeling very imaginative this particular saturday morning, so I grabbed a deck of cards to keep my mind occupied and hands busy.

I was deeply absorbed in a game of solitair when the roar of a utility truck pulled me from my trance. It sounded like it stopped right out front. Curious, I jumped to the ground and ran around the side of the house. I spied a U-Haul idoling in the driveway next door, a sleek black car rolling to a stop just behind it.

_Huh_.

The house had been vacant for over a year. I scanned the front lawn for it's ever present, for sale, sign. But to my surprise, all that remained was a hole in the ground.

Some one was moving in!

I crouched behind the brown fence that seperated our yards, watching for the new owners to emerge.

The doors to the car flew open, and a sudden roar of noise echoed throughout the sleepy suburbian neighborhood.

_Kids! _

To my shock, a scrawny boy with mousey brown hair spilled from the back seat of the car to the rough pavement of the driveway. I hissed between my teeth, knowing exactly how painful hot asphalt felt on bare hands and knees.

A much larger boy with curly black hair and mischeiveous blue eyes clammoured out from behind the skinny boy, and stepped over him. He chuckled when the boy tried to get up. But the larger one nudged him back down with the toe of his sneaker. He bent forward and thrust his finger out. "Next time you squeal on me I'll do much worse than push you down! That's a promise!"

The boy on the ground scowled up at him. The bully swiped off his hands in a satisfied manor and strutted toward the U-Haul. I felt bad for the boy who was currently searching for his glasses. They had skidded across the pavement near the fence, and glinted gold in the sun near my feet. But I was too invested with feelings of pity to notice. A rush of anger burned in my stomach, while an overpowering instinct urged me to protect him, the way others didn't protect me. I knew how awful it felt to be bullied while a circle of people watched, and laughed. You were left feeling resentful and weak.

Their mother, I pressumed, broke my concentration by hollaring at the bully.

Good!

"How dare you push Edward like that! At least he told me about the bottle rocket!" _Bottle rocket? _The bully looked anything but sorry. He looked merely annoyed at being caught. "Emmett, don't you understand how dangerous those things are? They can kill you! They can take an out! They can..."

I never got to hear what else dangerous explosives can do, because I was suddenly face to face with Edward.

At first, I was too busy giggling behind a hand at Emmetts dillema to notice him crawling along the ground, squinting for his glasses. He found them near my feet. He yellped when he realized someone was only two feet from him. Apparently his eye sight must be really bad. We stared wide eyed at eachother, both blinking in surprise. His vivid green eyes narrowed when I lowered a hand from my mouth, revealing a stupid grin. He assumed I was laughing at him. I sputtered, wishing my social awkwardness would allow me to confidantly explain that I wasn't laughing at him. Instead, I stuck to what I did best... Flee. I whirled around and sprinted across the grass.

"Bella?" My mother spun around when I slammed through the screen door.

Charlie lowered the news paper to his chin as I tore past and said, "What's going on? Why is she running?"

I cursed my stupidity as I climbed the stairs, slamming my bedroom door behind me. I rested against it while catching my breath.

_Great! Now _Edward thinks I was laughing at him! He's gonna hate me! I groaned, pushing off the door.

I fell face first onto my bed, bemoaning the fact that I just made an enemy in record time. _And he lives right next door_. I groaned even louder. Rolling over, I mentally cursed my horrible luck.

A girl can only sulk so long before her growling stomach gets the better of her.

"Hey, you," mom smiled at the sink. "Hungry?" I hmmed in confirmation. "Did you see?" She pointed a soapy butter knife at the window facing the neighbors house. "We have new neighbors." I stared at the loaf of bread and nodded. "I was thinking later we might go over as a family to introduce ourselves."

I decided to shrug in response. Feign indifference. Though, on the inside I was screaming,_ Crap! Anything but that!_

She frowned. "Why are you so quiet?" _Double crap! _I shrugged again and took a quick bite of my sandwich.

She turned fully toward me now, thrusting her soapy hands on her hips. "Did something happen earlier? Is that why you tore through here like a bat out of hell?" I sighed. My mother was a bulldog when she wants something.

"Leave the girl alone, Renee. She's probablly just hungry." Charlie strolled in, hitching up his pants and grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"I think I know when my own daughter is acting strange," she argued.

"I'm amazed you can see a difference."

My jaw dropped. "Hello! I'm right here!" Charlie chuckled, not realizing that his cheap shot stung.

"Come on," Renee pleaded, ignoring Charlie. "Tell me what happened. Was it the new neighbors? Did you speak to them? Did they speak to you?" I bit my lip, wishing I had kept my big mouth shut.

Charlie rolled his eyes and walked toward me. He studied my face for an unnerving moment. I felt like a frightened rodent caught in the sights of a snake. "Whatever it is," he said evenly, looking up at Renee. "She doesn't want us to know. I'm sure it's nothing."

That was what he usually concluded when it came to me. It was nothing.

Renee looked skeptical, but thankfully let it go. She eyed me as I slinked back up stairs with my lunch.

Trying to shake off the disconcerting interrogation I just endured, I settled into my window seat and watched the neighbors flit back and forth from the U-Haul to their house. They lugged expensive looking rugs and furniture through the open french doors, boxes and lamps soon following after.

Their interraction was fascinating. The lady directed the entire family like a Colonol with a regimant. She ordered them here and there, lugging small boxes and bags into the house. Once, I saw the kids run past windows on the second floor. They were choosing rooms I suppose. I blushed when I saw Edward chose his room closest to my treehouse. He glanced out his window at it.

Their was a tiny, black haired girl, I didn't see before. She was singing to herself while jump roping in a perfect pink dress and matching Mary Janes.

Edward spent most of the afternoon tossing a baseball into the air and catching it with a worn brown mit. He missed a lot at first but he kept trying. To my delight, after a few hours of repetition, he rarely missed. That said a lot for his personality. He didn't give up easily.

Emmett stuck close to a blonde man I pressumed was his father. He was strong enough to lug heavy boxes on his own. That impressed me. Emmett couldn't have been more than a few years older than me. Maybe 12? 13?

I chuckled when I realized the blonde man was keeping up a running commentary, his handsome face growing more and more sour by the minute. Emmett must be in trouble again.

I think I had the kids figured out by now. Edward was the middle kid; hell bent on being noticed by his parents. The girl was petite and dainty. She was daddy's little girl. And Emmett... well, he's self explanatory.

I began to wonder how fast the kids at school would sway their opinion of me? By monday afternoon, would I have three new enemies to add to my list. I sighed, wishing with everything in me that it wouldn't happen. My track record said otherwise.

Watching the kids interact made me wonder how different my life may have been if I had a sibling. A big brother to watch over me. Or a little sister I could swap clothes with. But after watching Emmett put Edward in a head lock I decided maybe I was the lucky one.

"Bella," my mother called up the stairs. "Come down here, please."

Jogging down the stairs, I smelled her famous mac-n-cheese casserole. I smiled. It was my favorite.

"There you are," she grinned. "I thought you may have slipped out to the tree house again. You've been so quiet all afternoon." That was her way of saying she hasnt forgotten my earlier behavior.

I examined the table and saw that it was weighed down with an industruial sized pan of mac-n-cheese, covered in tinfoil. A large pitcher of iced tea with lemon wedges floating in it. And a basket full of dispossable dinnerware.

Oh no... we really are going over. The woman wouldn't rest until I've died of humiliation.

"Here. You can carry the pitcher of iced tea. And Charlie can take the basket and beer."

He scowled. "I didn't think you were serious."

Renee thrust the six pack and basket into his arms. "Charlie, you have a thing or two to learn about being neighborly." He grumbled something that sounded like,_ taking another mans beer isnt neighborly. It's theft_. Mom sighed. "Just shut up and follow me." I smirked.

Charlie and I followed my mother across the lawn and into their front yard. I have never been over here before. Only saw it from the tree house. From what I could see up there, the roof had a few missing shingels and leaves clogged the gutters. But from down here, it was pretty nice; Big white house. Green shutters. Little square bushes that needed hedging. And, of course, our conjoined fence.

"Hello?" Renee called once we were near the open U-Haul. "Anybody home?"

"I'm in here," a female voice called from within the truck. We walked around to the back and found the lady I've been spying on all afternoon sifting through boxes. She straightened up curiously. "Can I help you?"

"It's not how you can help us. It's how we can help you." Mom held up the tinfoiled pan and grinned wryly. "Were your neighbors, Renee and Charlie Swan."

The lady laughed and jumped down with the help of Charlie. He actually blushed!

Her auburn hair was twisted into a haphazard bun on the top of her head, and her big hazel eyes shewn with kindness. All in all, she had a very pretty face.

"I'm Esme Cullen. I'd shake your hands but I see there full."

Renee chuckled. "We thought we'd bring over dinner for your family as a welcome to the neighborhood. I saw the little ones running around and figured they'd be getting hungry right about now. And I'm sure your too busy to cook because your trying to get everything inside before nightfall."

Esme seemed to sag in reliefe. "Oh my, goodness," she sighed, taking the heavy pan. "You have no idea how grateful I am." My mother waved her off, but I could tell she was pleased. "All Carlisle and I have in the house is a gallon of water and a bag of chips." Renee laughed.

She led us to the house and called out for Carlisle, her husband. What a funny name. He exited the french doors wearing a Chicago Cubs t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats. But beneath his frumpy work clothes was a very attractive older man, with sleek blonde hair and ocean blue eyes.

It was my mothers turn to blush.

He thrust his hand out to my mother and took hers. "Hello there. I'm Carlisle Cullen. It's wonderful to meet you." He seemed so sincere and refined.

"Y... yes..." my mom sputterd. "Yes. M me, too."

Charlie shoved the six pack into Carliles chest and shook his free hand. "I'm Charlie Swan. And this is my wife Renee."

Carlisle removed his hand from Charlies grip and shook it. "Woah. You have quite a grip, there, Charlie." My dads smirk wasnt apologetic.

"I'm a police officer. I have to be firm."

"Well, Im a surgeon. So I have to guard the money makers." My mom tittered.

Esme returned from depositing the food and beverages inside. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "We'd invite you in, but theres just no place to sit that isnt covered in boxes."

"Oh, don't worry about us," Renee waved her off. "We didn't mean to stay long anyway. You have a house to situate."

"That's very understanding of you," said Carlisle. I peeked out from behind my mother and accidentally caught their attention.

"Whose this?" asked Esme.

"Oh," Renees eyes brightened, remembering I exsisted. "This is our daughter, Bella."

"Well, hello, Bella," Esme shook my hand. "I think you may be my daughters age."

"She's 9," Renee clarified. She than ran her hand over my long brown hair comfortingly. I think she knew how hard socializing was for me.

Esme grinned, watching our silent interaction. I think she got the message. Bella was shy.

_"KIDS!" _she hollared at the house. _"WE HAVE VISITORS! COME OUTSIDE!"_

Emmett swaggered from the house with his hand deep in the bag of potato chips. His mischevious blue eyes scanned over us, and settled on me. A slow, unnerving, smile curled his lips. Intimidated, I backed further behind my mothers skirt. Oh man! I could just see the evil wheels turning beneath that black mop of curls.

Edward, on the other hand, srtolled lazily from the back yard. He was frowning at the baseball glove on his hand. "Mom? I need a new glove. This ones falling apart. Look..." He paused when he saw us gathered on the porch.

"Edward, Emmett," Carlisle said. "These are the Swans. Our neighbors." Emmett saluted. But Edward nodded shyly, averting his eyes._ Ah, He was shy, too. _"And this..." He gestured toward me. "... is Bella. She's your age Edward."

He surprised me with a shy crooked grin. "Hey," he said, though his eyes remained careful. I knew he was remembering me as the mean girl who laughed at him. I wished I was brave enough to tell him that I wasn't laughing. That I would never egg on a bully.

"Hi," I whispered back, blushing scarlet.

He seemed to be examining my face in quick glances while I did the same. And I saw, once again, how startlingly green his eyes were. If I wasn't so shy I would openly stare.

Than, out of nowhere... he took off. His departure was so sudden it stunned me.

He and Emmett ran up the street toward the park, laughing the whole way. I could clearly hear Emmett tease Edward about being careful around me. That girls have cooties. Edward glanced over his shoulder at me before they dissapeared around the corner.

I gaped. _Boys are so immature_.

Esme shook her head, exasperated. "I'm so sorry," she apologized.

"What can we say?" Carlisle shrugged. "Boys are rambunctious."

Mom laughed, and said, "Some more than others." She explained how she had a class full of fifth graders just the same.

The Cullens went into full swing about how they came from Chicago. Esme was an interior decorater, and Carlisle was a doctor. He was offered a fellowship in Pheonix that was too good to refuse. It all sounded like garbble to me.

Thankfully, the worlds tiniest girl, dainty as a flower, saved me from bordum.

"Hi ya!" she chirped, skipping up the porch in ribbons and lace. She stopped right in front of me, radiating confidence. "I'm Alice. Who are you?"

"Bella. From next door."

"No way!" she said excitedly. "So that tree house is yours?"

I chuckled. "Yep."

"Cool! Hey mom? Can I go over to Bellas?"

"Alice," Carlise chastized faundly. "You should wait to be invited. It's rude otherwise."

"Oh," her face fell.

I felt a sudden panic rise up inside me. _Befriend Alice! You'll never have another chance like this! Do it! _

"Can she come over?" I blurted out.

Renee looked down at me, bemused. Alice was the first person I ever asked over. Heck, she was the first person I ever talked to that wasnt related to me. "Of course, honey. Dinners at six, so you have an hour to play." Alice squeeled, jumping up and down. She grabbed my hand and dragged me off the porch. We took off together, dashing across the lawn to my side of the fence.

And ever since that first encounter, Alice has turned my abissmal life upside right.

Our first week together entirely changed my life.

When monday rolled around Esme invited me to ride with them to school. I didn't even ask Charlies permission, I just ran away from the cruiser as fast as I could before he had a chance to say no.

The kids at school started in with the teasing the moment I set foot in the hallway. But they had met their match with Alice. She was a tiny ninja in pink, standing in a fighters stance, and declaring she was from the south side of Chicago, so if they wanted a real fight, to stand up now. No one did. Especially when they learned throughout the day that Emmett Cullen was Alices brother.

From that day forward, school was more or less cake.

I was amazed. All it took was confidence and lightning fast reflexes. Karate Kid had nothing on Alice.

That night, Alice and I became blood sisters in my tree house. It was the best way we could think of to solidify our new friendship. That was until the blood trickled down our wrists. Carlisle patched us up with antiseptic wipes, bandaids, and an hour long sermon on why you must never exchange blood. I learned there and than never to cross Carlisle again. Especially when he threatened us with a tetnus shot.

Through out these misadventures I would bump into Edward here and there. That first summer he was scarcely home. Alice told me he played piano and had practice every other day. And when he wasnt there, he and Emmett went away to camp.

I had noticed a beautiful piano in the livingroom with a matching bench, but sadly no one ever played it. I came to believe it was just one of Esmes decorations. That was until I snuck over, unnannounced, and caught Edward playing a song on it that I'd never heard before. He carefully placed his long fingers on the keyboard, and sang softly to himself. I had to strain to hear it... but it was pretty, whatever it was. He had a lovely falseto voice.

I wasn't sure how upset he'd be if he realized I was eavesdropping. So I snuck back outside, not wishing to be caught. Our first encounter still haunted me.

I sat in the tree house, thinking about what I'd seen. I was ultimately surprised to see a different side to Edward. One that didnt have dirty knees and filthy clothes from sliding into home plate. There was a whole secret side to him... and I was intruiged.

One day, I invited Alice over for a game of cards in the tree house. She came over, but with a surprise guest. Edward. My jaw dropped when I saw those green eyes gaze uncertainly around my tree house. I smiled shakily, wishing to ease his tension. I didn't know if he still lived by the cootie rule or not. Because if he did, I could go get some of my moms hand sanitizer if that meant he'd stay.

He was a nervous wreck at first, settling on the wooden floor for our weekly card game. He was all akward and fidgity. Admittedly, I was the mirror image. So I offered skittles and cold soda as a peace offering. _Sugar! _That brought out the crooked grin I learned to anticipate from him.

Eventually we forgot the other was of the oppisite gender, and got along quite well. We would laugh at Emmetts expense. Or raz the other for a particularly bad hand of cards. And when we grew comfortable enough around eachother, he allowed me to stay when he was practicing the piano. I would bring a book and sit on the couch while he played, pretending to be absorbed in the literature. I think he grew suspicious when I failed to turn a single page the entire thirty minutes that he played. But he never said a word. And I was glad, because as much as I loved Alice, I enjoyed Edwards company just as much. He liked to ride bikes and play video games. Where as Alice preffered the girly things. They balanced me out.

And now, five years later, we shared an even stronger bond. One that was made of the toughest thread. When one breathed in the other breathed out.

They had become irreplaceable to me. Without Edwards wise green eyes and tall lanky frame standing by my side I would cease to go on. And Alice, my sweet, outgoing Alice, continued to find ways to bring me out of my naturally shy shell. Without her... I would roll over and persih.

Together, they held my happiness in the palm of their hands. And I was positive it was the same for them. Nothing else needed to exsist beyond that.

_Nothing._

(June 2006)

The bus was roaring through mid day traffic, air breaks hissing, engine groaning. The swealtering heat caused the bus to smell weird. Like burnt rubber and exhaust. We slid the windows down and breathed a sigh of reliefe.

Since it was the last day of school everyone was on their worst behavior, throwing paper airplanes and shouting at their friends on the oppisite end of the bus. It was absolute chaos.

I scooted down in my seat, nearly avoiding a spit ball, and nestled earbuds in my ears, drowning out the noise. I sighed, closing my eyes and loosing myself to the music. Pink Floyds, Money, was always a good choice.

I thought about all the things I had to look forward to this summer while the heavy bass hook ensnared me. I would be fifteen in three months, a pivitol time in my life. I was old enough to get my permit. And as much as I hated Charlies cruiser I had been eyeing it with an indecent amount of interest. I didn't care if it had pretty blue lights on top. As long as it was an automatic and had a full tank of gas, I was golden.

I smiled involentarily. This was going to be a summer to remember.

I suddenly got the strange sensation that someone was watching me. You know, when your body prickles in that intuitive way. (and they say ESP doesn't exist)

Popping open my eyes I glanced up and met Edwards green gaze from across the aisle.

"It's my birthday next saturday," he said, fingering the drivers ed manual he practically slept with. "So, um... what did you get me?"

I raised an eyebrow and plucked out an earbud. "Who says I got you anything?"

He grinned crookedly, somehow changing his face from cute to sexy. _How did he do that? _"Oh, come now, Bella. We both know you got me something. You always do."

Alice smirked at her brothers tenacity. "Your a nosey shit, Edward."

He shrugged, unconcerned. "Bella loves me anyway. Isn't that right?"

I pulled a skepticle face. "Don't hold your breath." He chuckled.

"Leave her alone, Edward," Alice warned, smacking her gum and flipping through a fashion magazine.

"Or what?"

She turned to stare at him, narrowing her hazel eyes. "Or I'll tell Emmett that I over heard you singing Gwen Stefani in the shower this morning. Apparently your B-A-N-A-N-A-S." I threw my head back and laughed.

"You wouldn't!" Edward dared.

"Try me, pretty boy." They stared eachother down until Alice decided her point was made. She leaned forward to talk to our classmate, Marcus, instead. She thought he was cute.

Edward turned to look at me, slightly flushed from embarrassment. Giggles kept bubbling to my lips. I could just see him dancing around the shower, belting out Holla back girl while his long fingers washed his tossled brown hair and the hot water rained down on his hard biceps...

My smile slowly slipped, realizing I was fanticizing about Edward in a very innappropriate way.

He must have seen the look on my face because his teasing manor faultered. His dark eyebrows creased in confusion, trying to figure me out. Then our gazes fused together...

The atmosphere between us changed, growing electrically charged. Every fine hair on my body stood on end, reaching out toward him. I swallowed against the saliva that flooded my mouth... though it felt impossibly dry.

When he looked at me like he was now; green eyes glittering in the intense sun, I couldn't keep my brain from scrambling. Even behind his gold rimmed glasses the vivid oceanic pools of green disarmed me. They always have. They always will.

I retreated into the thick curtains of my dark hair and gasped. I felt flustered and confused. The defining line of our freindship seemed to be blurring. I mean, it wasn't entirely strange that we'd start noticing eachother as more than just Edward and Bella; childhood friends. We we're teenagers now. A male and a female. Oppisite sex.

_Sex..._

There it was again. That dirty word that stirred so many teeneagers hormones into a frenzy. Mine included. I'd never... you know... done that. But it didn't stop my body from reacting like a fully grown womans.

For instance, when I spent the night at Alices... which was every weekend, I started becoming self concious of my growth spurts. The night gowns that used to hang off my rail thin body now hugged the curves and dips of my shapely figure. And to my mortification I had become the tallest girl in my class. So I was suddenly all legs. I wasn't stacked by any means. Just developing in very obvious areas.

I wasn't the only one suffering from an identity crisis.

Edward would saunter around the house, shirtless and flexing in nothing but his swim trunks. He had always been the athletic type. So it should not have been shock to see how his torso and arms had reacted to the years of conditioning. That's when my dormant hormones would rouse with a vengence, and I'd hide in the bathroom, waiting for my blush to fade. And no matter how many times I told myself that it was just Edward, I knew that I had reasons to panic. His increasingly good looks made me feel that much more homely. He wasn't gonna want me hanging around when the pretty girls start taking notice of him. And they will. It was only a matter of time before one of them took him away from me. Then where would I be?

Something stirred beside me, pulling me from my thoughts. It was Edward. I knew before I saw him. He had a distinct scent. Clean bath soap and leather. I expected the latter scent was permenantly etched into his skin from the baseball mits.

He nudged me over and slid in beside me. "I'm gonna get it out of you, you know." The teasing apparently wasn't over.

I blinked, confused. "Get what out of me?"

He snickered through his nose and shook his head. "My birthday present. Remember?"

I threw my hands up and scoffed. "Ugh! Your relentless when you want something."

A slow, dangerous smile grew acrossed his face. "You know me so well, don't you." His hand reached out and polked my side gently. I yelped, jumping from his poky finger. He chuckled darkly, enjoying my skittishness. I hated being tickled! He knew that!

Just then, the bus decided to lurch to a stop, bringing my face forward with a sharp slap against the green seat. "Shit!" I hissed, grabbing my throbbing nose, squeezing my eyes shut tight.

"Oh my god!" He gasped. "Are you okay?"

I turned to look scathingly at him._ This is all his fault! _Why can't we interact lately without it resulting in an injury? My injury!_ "I'mb find," _I said, pushing him away.

He tried, bless him. I know he did. But when I spoke with my forefinger and thumb pinching my nostrils shut, he lost it. The laugh burst from him, and I stood up indignantly, climbing over his size twelves.

"Bella," he whined. "I didn't mean to laugh. Your face was just so..." he laughed again, unable to help it. I hooked my sneaker with his... and tripped. Of course I did. I can't even storm away without making myself look stupid.

"Bella?" Alice asked, finally looking up from her conversation with Marcus. "What the hell happened to your nose?"

I ignored her and kept walking.

She knew not to take it personally. I just had to nurse my wounded pride back to health, that's all.

Slinking off the hot, smelly, bus, for the final time that year, I stalked away from the neighborhood kids who climbed off after me. I heard the whispered snickers follow my wake.

"Come on, Bella," Edward called. "I'm sorry!" I would have turned around and stuck my tongue out. But I wasn't sure if my nose was bleeding or not.

Why did I have to be such a spaz?

I slammed through the door of my house and shut it roughly behind me. Glaring out the window, I saw Edward and Alice arguing before they dissapeared behind the fence. I bet Alice was giving him hell.

_You go, girl! _I wanted to snap my fingers and head swivel, but stopped myself short when my nose panged in pain.

"Bella?"

"Mom?" I gasped, whirling around.

She held up her hands in a deffensive gesture and chuckled. "It's only me." I lowered my hand from my nose and breathed in reliefe.

Then confusion took over.

Mom was never home before me. She usually escaped the elementary school at four.

"What are you doing home so early?" I asked.

She zeroed in on my swelling nose, ignoring my last question. "The latest accident?" Her fingers gently prodded the area.

"Ow!" I yelled, looking reproachfully at her.

Her chuckle was cut off short when a set of foot steps entered the kitchen. I peeked over my mothers shoulder and saw Charlie standing in the door way, wearing civilian clothes. I frowned. I could have swore he went to work today.

"What? Did everyone play hookey today?" When they didn't answer I said, "Well, thanks for including me." They didn't smile.

He gestured to the table. "Sit down, Bella."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously while sliding into a kitchen chair. "What's this about?"

He sat down beside Renee and grinned at her. She scowled. "Your mother and I have some news." I quirked a brow, certain they wernt about to say they were pregnant. "I got a job offer today."

"Okay," I said slowly, wondering where this was leading.

"You see," he continued. "It's in Forks...

"Forks?" I snorted. "What the hell kind of place names itself after a utinsel?"

...Washington," he finished.

I blinked, looking between my parents. _Washington? _My brain wouldn't absorb the meaning of the word, Washington. I mentally examined it like a caveman would fire. _Washington? _

I chortled nervously. "But, what's this got to do with us?"

Charlie looked confused by my confusion. "What do you mean what's this got to do with us?" he asked.

Alright. This has officially turned into the weirdest conversation I have ever had. And that includes the sex talk.

"Well," I smirked, looking between them again. Renee refused to look at me. "You said no, right? You turned them down."

Moms gaze shifted uncomfortably, settling on her bouncing leg. Dad was watching me like I had grown an extra head. His look clearly said, _stop being obtuse, Bella. _And he was right. Why else would Charlie have asked me to sit down and listen to him prattle on about a job in Washington? Plus they were both home from work on a wendesday, dressed in regular clothes. The cruiser was gone. And Renees breif case full of fifth grade homework was missing from the corner desk. Their school doesn't end for another week.

"No..." I whispered.

The air grew thick with a significant silence.

No. _No. _NO!_ How can this be?_

Reality began to swim around the edges and time slowed down. The day had been a scorcher. But I was shivering violently, my warm blood running cold through my veins.

This was bad. Real bad.

"Hold on! What do you mean Washington?" I asked desperately. "You mean the north west, Washington? That Washington?"_ That's thousands of miles away!_

Renee looked at me with mournful eyes, her gaze confirming my suspicions. "He'll get better pay and benefits, Bella. Plus, he's been offered the position of Cheif. How can he turn down?" I wouldn't care if they offered him the freaking Hope Diamond. He should still have said no! "Besides, it means we can finally get out of the city."

My hands dropped into my lap, mouth agape. She just spewed verbal diarreha all over this clean kitchen... and she knew it! Renee loved the sun! Loved the sprawling city and it's diverse population! Loved Esme.

My mother and Esme were an older version of Alice and I. Renee was bubbly and brave whereas Esme was the quiet observer. A day didn't go by when those two wern't out in their garden, elbow deep in soil. They even won blue ribbons for their roses.

So that left me with one last person to blame...

_Charlie! _

My glare slid to him.

My father loved to regail us with stories of his glorious past in Alaska. As a boy he and my grandad used to fish, hike, climb mountains, bear hunt. Basically anything barbaric. Charlie married my mom right out of highschool, and moved here, to Pheonix, because this is where the work was for young police officer. He called the citezens here,_ unsavory _and_ immoral_. He said the Border problem had gotten way out of hand and now we lived amongst 40% illegals.

So? I never understood the big deal. Isn't that what our country was built on? Immigrants.

Oh yes. I had my answer.

He's gonna move us to small town USA, where the land was 90% forest and 100% legal. He was gonna move us to the middle of nowhere so he can relive his glory days as a boy scout!

My stomach was so tightly clenched I was surprised I didnt shit out a diamond. How can I move from here? My home? From Edward and Alice?

_Oh god!_

They were the two most vital people in my life. Hell, my exsistance! And leaving them was absolutely no way to repay them for five years of love and friendship! Leaving them was an impossiblity! Incomprehensible! Inconcievable!

I clenched my fists into tight little balls of fury. _We were moving so asshole here can fucking fish!_ _I mean, he's fucked my life over before... but now?_

I had to fight! Fight hard for what was right! For Edward and Alice!

_Fight!_

I jumped to my feet and shouted, "You can't do this!" They blanched at my volume. "What the hell are thinking? Our life is here! In Pheonix! Not Spoons Washington!"

"Forks," Charlie corrected flatly. "And I have to do what is right for this family, Isabella. Now sit down and lower your voice."

I narrowed my eyes, and leaned forward, defying him. I've never, in my life, acted like this. But knowing that Charlie was doing this for himself, and what was worse, was my mother was letting him do it, pissed me off that much more!

"Well, Charles," I snarled. "I think this is the most ridiculous, selfish...

"You don't pay the bills around here, young lady!" He barked, standing up. The chair skidded across the lanolium. I straightened up to, nearly a head shorter than him. But my fury matched his brutish size. "You have no clue how hard it's been around here economically! A teachers salary doesn't exactly go along way, you know!" Renee flinched.

"I'll get a job!" I cried. "Wait tables or something!"

Charlie laughed humorlessly. "Yeah? Good luck with that. Whose gonna employ an untrained fifteen year old girl?"

Dennys. IHop. Olive Garden. I could go on...

I did feel a tiny stab of guilt for talking like this to my parents. But I found I could override it with the fear that tattooed itself to my heart. Edward and Alice were the two most beautiful people in my life, and I found they had become more important to me than my own family. I'm not so sure that was concidered healthy, but I couldn't prevent what was already so deeply engrained.

They saved me once before. Now it was my turn to return the favor by fighting. Fighting for us!

_Fight!_

"I will," I gasped. "I swear it, dad. I'll get a job. Ease your burdon." I was wheezing by now, leaning against the table and gasping. "Please... please... don't take them away... from me...

Charlie just glared. And I realized my pleas were falling on deaf ears. It shot my hyperventilation into hysteria. I couldn't breathe! I flapped my hands around like a flightless bird. I was suffocating! Sucking air through a straw! And I was suddenly dizzy. Black spots swam in my vision. I began to feel heavy as an anchor. And without realizing it, I sank to my knees and collapsed. The last thing I heard was my mothers garbled cry. And everything went blessedly black...

My body was heavy as led, limbs pinned to the ground by gravity. Silence cacooned me, caressed me, seduced me. I embraced the stifling claustraphobia.

It was quiet in here. So quiet.

For what felt like an eternity I drifted between darkness and numbness. Voices began to intrude on my solitude, fading in and out. Words and sounds were a meaningless garble of confusion. What was going on? Why was I caged inside my own mind?

The disconnection began to stitch back together, pieces of the last few minutes rushing back. Mom and dad. Arguing. Shouting. Moving away to some God for saken town.

Washington.

Tall pine trees and damp furn plants began to form in my minds eye. That's what I thought of when I pictured Washington state. The cold ocean. Snow. God! It was the polar oppisite of Pheonix.

And thats when the agonizing pain reached my heart, swelling agonizingly under my breast bone. A sob built up in my chest and ripped from my throat.

I want out! I need to wake up!

"Carlisle!" my mother cried, pawing at my limp body.

"Bella, sweeheart?" Carlisles calm professional voice was near my ear. "Dont panic. Your alright. You have passed out, thats all. Give it a minute and dont rush to wake up." I think I nodded. My head felt like a bowling ball. "How did she get the bruise?" he asked, polking at my nose.

Some one answered, but it was too far from my position on the floor. All I caught was, _my fault_, and, _an accident_.

"Goodness," Renee breathed. "I never expected her to react to moving this way? Did you Charlie?" His name tugged my eyelids apart. I found a blurry version of him huddling near the stove._ Him!_

My mind and body simultaniously fought pain and anger against eachother. Pain or anger. Anger or pain. I was an jumbled mess of agony.

"Oh, Bella!" My mom threw her arms around my neck and cried. I did not return the embrace.

I sat up carefully with the help of Carlisle. Ugh! My head. The sun was intensly bright in the window. So I threw my hand up to shield my eyes. And that's when I saw them. Alice and Edward. Slumped against the wall, staring at me with concern. Alice looked distraught, tears flowing from her hazel eyes. It brought my own tears forward. And I cried along with her, my firend, my sister.

"I tried Alice," I hiccuped. "I fought." She bent down and hugged me.

"I know you did," she sniffed. "Mom told us." Us?

I pulled back and looked around for Edward. He was slumped against the wall, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He watched me, stoney faced, and oddly blank. But his eyes... those gorgeous gems of emerald, gave him away.

He was absolutely livid.

I gasped, rarely ever seeing his temper flare. Only on the field a few times, when someone called him out when he was safe. But this... this anger was fierce. Dangerous. Dark. I watched his chest shudder, like he was surpressing the urge to murder. His tell all eyes penetrated mine for a scary second. _What the hell? It wasn't my fault!_

His rage was truly something to behold.

His glare snapped to Charlies annoyed face. The old adage, if looks could kill, heavily applied here. Charlie caught Edwards expression and grimaced. They exchanged silent fuck yous. Holy crow! Charlie straightened up and stalked from the kitchen, shaking his head in bewilderment.

If he didn't understand my reaction about moving away from these fiercly loyal people... than he didn't know me at all.

The last two weeks in Pheonix consisted of Alice and I frantically signing up for Face Book, Skype, buying matching Blackberries, and creating e-mail adresses. Basically doing everything we could think of to stay in touch. Alice waved my worry off, confidantly claiming that we lived in the twenty first century. Not to worry about loosing touch with one another. She was right.

But Edward, on the other hand, avoided me like the plague. He completely dissapeared after my episode in the kitchen. It hurt more than I let on. But I gave him space to figure out whatever it was he was struggling with. The only problem with that was we were running out of time to say goodbye.

And weeks turned into days. And days turned into hours...

I stood on the Cullens porch with Edward for the final time. He, stoick and closed off. Myself, heartbroken and beyond reason.

I knew everyone was hovering nearby, giving us privacy. And I ignored my parents who were sitting in the idoling car, headlights on in the dark, both stealing quick peeks at us. But I didn't care. Because my brain was scrambling to find the words that adequately expressed my love for this boy. I was failing. And time was not on my side.

Finally Edward looked at me. He had the most heart breaking expression. And his tall, lanky frame, was hunched defensively. "This isn't exactly how I pictured my birthday."

I snorted. "You and me both."

We stood there, trying to find a way to sum it all up. It was impossible. So instead, I held out the flat square package that was tucked beneath my arm. "You were right. I did get you something for your birthday." He hesiated, eyeing it warily. A first for Edward, I promise. Usually he jumped on presents like a rabid animal.

Eventually he took it from my fingers. "Happy birthday, Edward," I whispered miserably.

He brought the package up to his face, examining it in the dim light. It was wrapped in blue paper with a red ribbon around it.

Alice gave me the idea to make him a home made DVD. I took her advice and climbed up into my tree house, settling on the floor where we had played cards countless times before... and poured my heart out to mini cam. I explained how much he meant to me. And that distance would only make that bond stronger. And most importantly, that I promised to come back as soon as possible. It was a promise I made to myself, as well. But being an unlicensed fourteen year old girl, that promise seemed beyond impossibe.

I also got him a real gift. Two tickets to see the Diamondbacks this summer. I originally planned to go with him. But we all know that plan was destroyed with dinomite. So I made Alice promise to go in my place. I couldn't stand Edward going with someone else. If I was to be replaced, than it has to be Alice. Not some blonde bimbo from school.

"Bella..." His smooth voice that he had deprived me of for over a week filled me with wistfulness. "I don't think I can do this."

I looked closer at his face, and found tears behind those glasses. He removed them violently and swiped at his eyes. I gasped. I've never seen him cry before. His anger crumbled around him, revealing the devistated boy within.

His pain punched a hole in my chest. I needed to soothe him! Protect him from himself!

I did the only thing I could think of, and flung myself around his neck. He dropped the present to the porch and crushed me against him, burying his face in my long hair. I felt his trembling fear. He hugged me so tightly to him he lifted me off my feet. And that was saying something! Seeing as I was only a head shorter than him.

"Please, Edward," I whispered desperately. My lips grazed the shell of his ear, and I felt his arms tighten around me. "Please! Hide me away! I don't wanna go! I cant leave you and Alice! Please..." I was sobbing now.

"Shh," he soothed, running his fingers through my hair. "Shh..."

I snuggled further into his neck, taking deep greedy breaths of his unique scent. Mmm... skittles and leather. Edward. Oh Edward.

He seemed to be doing the same thing; his nose running along my cheek, down my neck, my collar bone. Oh man. I shivered, and gasped. He lifted his eyes to mine, no glasses between us for once. His eyes were glowing with an emotion I couldn't identify. Then, to my surprise, his gaze flickered to my mouth... and I saw it, felt it... he was going to...

_HONK! HONK! _

Edward bristled and pulled away. Both our eyes shot to my parents car, our breathing a bit labored. Renee was wagging her finger in Charlies face, reeming him out.

_Asshole! He did that on purpous! I officially hate him!_

If my anger could flare into actual flames the Cullens would no longer have a porch. Edward reluctantly dropped me from his arms and took a step back.

"Write me everyday," I made him promise. "I want to know if you like your present." He nodded, looking totally devistated.

I stumbled backward off the porch. Alice reemerged from the house a moment later. She strolled to Edwards side and wrapped her thin arm about his waist, comforting him. I stared at them both, standing together in the golden glow of the porch light, beneath the starry sky. They were both so beautiful.

I waved miserably, tears obscureing my vision. I batted them away. Inexcusable! I was not about to waste what little time I had left with them a blind mess. I suddenly longed for a photographic memory. Alice and her long glossy black hair. So pretty and petite. Graceful. Edwards long lanky body with mousey brown hair, amazing eyes and gold rimmed glasses. They couldn't possibly get any better looking if they tried. And I was just lucky to have known them. To have been loved by them.

_Remember Bella. Remember._

I never looked back at the house I grew up in. Nor did I spare a galnce for the neighborhood. Old Cactus Road. Because my entire reason for exsisting was waving goodbye. And as Charlie pulled away from the curb the Cullens filtered out onto the porch, to wish us a safe trip. Esme and Carlisle waved sadly. They were like my second parents. Even Emmett came home from football practice to say goodbye to me. The big goofball.

I twisted in the backseat in time to watch Carlisle touch Edwards slumped shoulder. He murmered something in his ear, and to my shock, Edward shoved his fathers touch away, fleeing like a bat out of hell. He slammed through the screen door violently... shouting over his shoulder. Alice ran after him, crying.

_Oh my God!_

I nearly begged Charlie to put on the breaks. To let me go back and fix this. But as we turned the corner, the Cullens dissapearing into nothing but a memory... it didn't matter anymore. Because I couldn't fix this. It was beyond me.

"Say good bye to Pheonix," Charlie sang as we drove up the ramp to highway 101. Renee glared at him. I ignored his tactlessness altogether. Instead, I collapsed into tears.

I burrowed into the backseat and bawled. My spine physically curved from the wracking sobs that took over my body. This grief was uncontrollable, consuming me from the inside out like a flesh eating virus.

With every mile that we put behind us I felt more and more disconnected from them. My mother reached in the backseat, stroking my hair and murrmering reassurances that time heals broken hearts. I raised my drenched face and stuttered out, _"But my heart isnt broken. It's destroyed. Shattered." _Im sure Charlie rolled his eyes at the girly hyperbole. But it wasnt hyperbole. This pain was real. And it hurt more than I could possibly describe.

Around 1 am a big green interstate sign declared that we had officially left Arizona. My home. And I vowed there and then, as I left Edward and Alice behind, that I would never, ever, let another human being get this close to me as long as I lived! I would bare this pain like a talismen if it meant I wouldnt forget my best friends, though. Afraid to remember. Terrified to forget. And I felt it when it happened. The impenitrable steel walls wooshing protectively around me, cutting me off emotionally from humnanity. I, Bella Swan, was a fortress. An island.

_Alone._


	2. Chapter 2

**Going Home**

**Chapter 2**

**BPOV (June 2009) seventeen years old**

It's been three long years since we left Phoenix, and I have yet to resurface...

I was in a warm alcoholic haze, gazing up at the plastic glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling above me. The luminous green stars swam in and out of my vision. The music in the back ground suited my unfocused state; Dazed and Confused, by Led Zeppelin. John Paul Jones' bass lazily held a bluesy beat, while Jimmy Page made his Fender cry out a mournful melody. Enter Robert Plants vocals, his throat shredding from the dark place he was trying to reach...

_Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true,_

_Wanted a woman, never bargained for you,_

_Lot's of people talk, though few of of them know,_

_Soul of a woman was created below..._

I'm not sure why I was focusing so thoroughly on the stars. Maybe I was drunker than I meant to be.

_You're hurt and abused, telling all of your lies,_

_Run 'round sweet baby, Lord how you hypnotize,_

_Sweet little baby I don't know where you been,_

_Gonna love you baby, oh, here I come again..._

It almost seemed childish to have glow in the dark stars, a child hood staple, in a seedy place like this. But there it was anyway, amongst reclining medical chairs, velvet black curtains to block out prying eyes, and every squared inch of wall covered in half naked people. You may wonder where in the hell I am. Well, I was happily locked inside a dimly lit room of pain, trying desperately to ignore the persistent needle pricks that prodded my skin. The bite of the hypodermic needle was harsh this time around. I've been under the gun two times before. Each session focusing on a fleshier part of my body. But this time I was getting a back tat. And it hurt like a motherfucker.

Sin, the heavily inked tattoo artist, dragged the vibrating gun across the base of my neck, nearly causing me to cry out. I clenched my teeth and fisted the soft white towel beneath my bared breasts. I promised myself I would not act like a wimp. I was tough. I can handle pain. I've lived with it long enough. Besides, Sin had warned me before hand that it was dangerous and painful to tattoo near a persons spinal chord. That it could cause permanent damage if he wasn't exceptionally careful. I guess if I hadn't just downed two shots of Charlies whiskey in the cab of my truck I may have taken him seriously. But instead, I grinned like an drunken idiot, ordering Sin to get on with it.

So here I was, draped across his soft leather chair, looking like the porn version of Snow White on her pyre.

My half nude body was zinging with a myriad of sensation, but my mind was a dulled haze of clouded thought. I was an oxymoronic mess. Sliding my eyelids closed, I decided to try and take a cat nap, sleep off the alcohol. I knew Sin was only half way finished. So that gave me a good hour to doze off. I took a deep cleansing breath through my nose, detecting the scent of Lemon Pledge, and settled my cheek on my hands._ At least he cleans the chair_, I thought, yawning. I wasn't too keen on picturing the sweaty trucker who occupied it before me. Hairy ass crack and all.

I was on the cusp of sleep; the world that ghosted on the edge of alertness. Just as reality began to dissolve into the background, the buzzing gun sliced across my prominent spine, wrenching me awake. I gasped as the pain shot down my spine like a hundred little spider bites. _Nerve damage_, I recalled him warning_._ Sin immediately yanked the gun back, feeling the tendons tighten beneath his hand.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.

I glowered at him over my bared shoulder, mentally cursing him to the pits of Hades. "Hell no, I'm not alright! Why don't you just use a knife and carve me instead?"

He smiled apologetically, feeling bad. "Well, if it gets too much, just let me know. It's important."

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed irritably, resting my cheek back on the fuzzy towel. "I think I know the drill by now." I heard his deep melodic chuckle before the nasally buzz of the gun drowned it out.

Sin was a decent enough guy, I thought. Cute, if you could get past the fact that his face looked like a pin cushion. He was the only person I had connected with since moving to Washington. And by connecting, I mean making a conscious effort not to be a bitch to. I mean, he was currently nourishing my emotional malnutrition by inking my flesh, minus the parental permission slip. And after three years of repeat business, Sin knew my mental fragility as well as the curvature of my unclothed body. He never made me talk unless I was willing either. But something about him just made me want to spill my guts. Like a yearly therapy session between two delinquents. And overtime we both possessed a healthy respect for each others mutual fuckupedness. I smiled into my folded arms. You couldn't get any more intimate than that without actually getting intimate.

My smile slowly slipped. The reasons that brought me to Sin were painfully easily to recall...

It was two years ago today that I dragged my emotionally distraught ass in his Port Angeles tattoo parlor, begging him to mark me.

It was Edwards sixteenth birthday back then, and I had been struggling with the impending 1 year anniversary of our separation. I just had no idea what to get him for his special day, let alone what to say to him. Because really, there was absolutely nothing happy about this day. And it would be insulting to Edward if I acted otherwise. I vowed not to ruin his birthday just because I moved away. _How egotistical_, I thought, _to assume my leaving Phoenix was his undoing_. Just because I was mentally unstable doesn't mean he was. For all I know he could have moved on the moment I left town. Honestly, it was what I expected. He was too popular not to have found a more suitable sidekick. My replacement. But it didn't mean I would stop trying to be his friend! I was too stubborn to forget what we once meant to each other. Because people like me didn't often get the chance that I had. The way that I felt could be summed up using the song, Break Even, by the Script...

_What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was knowing you? _

_What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up but your okay? _

_Im falling to pieces. I'm falling to pieces_.

That song says it all for me.

So the weeks prior to his birthday, I racked my brain for something to send him. Something that said;_ I think about you every single day_. And no matter how hard I looked I just couldn't find anything meaningful enough. I Googled the shit out of his favorite past times; music, baseball, cars, you name it. But nothing fit our situation... unless Hallmark created a card that expressed horrific heartsickness over being the worlds shittiest friend. '_I'm sorry my fathers a gigantic Asshat for making me move thousands of miles away. But I'll try to call you on the weekends. M'kay?'_ If they did create this line, please, let me know.

I switched off my computer and concluded that nothing material could mend the fracture in our friendship. The realisation scared me to death. _If only he would pick up the god damn phone_, I thought bitterly. I didn't deserve this silence!

Eventually I ran out of time, the Edward clock ticking by at a pitiless pace; 5 4 3 2 1 0... I was forced to type out a lame happy birthday e-mail. He didn't reply. And I didn't blame him.

Feeling horribly depressed, I dragged myself down the stairs, preparing to face this terrible day head on. I plopped into my usual seat and glared at the bagel waiting on my plate. God, the last thing I wanted to do was put something in my churning stomach. So I just sat there, staring into space while stewing over my failure to reach out to him. I failed Edward once, right? So what was the harm in doing it again? I could almost feel a tradition in the making. Every year I would remind him how much I sucked. And especially on this day of all days. The day that I left him standing on his porch so upset he cried. Yeah, I was a real winner.

Renee threw me concerned looks while buttering her toast. But I easily ignored her attempts to draw me out. I had a feeling she remembered what day was, too, because she had been absentmindedly buttering the same piece of toast for five minutes now. I'm sure there was enough cholesterol on there to kill a small baby whale. We eventually made eye contact, and I mirrored her hollow expression. We both looked a bit green around the gills. I reluctantly glanced over at Charlie. He was reading the sports section of the newspaper while guzzling down black coffee like it was the key to his fricken existence. He seemed complete unaware of our presence. I was flabberghasted at this mans gall. The sadness in the house was palpable. How can he not be aware of it?

After a moment Charlie looked up, sensing my gaze. "What?"

"What day is it, dad?"

He made a face. "Tuesday."

My glare turned to daggers. "Try again." _So help me God, he better get this right!_

He looked to Renee for help. But she was scowling down at her untouched toast, clearly avoiding this smack down. "I'm not sure what your getting at, Bella. Did I miss your birthday or something?"

I scoffed, disgusted. "No dad. My birthdays in September. This is June. Though your closer than last year. So kudos for that." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not appreciating being made out a fool. "Can't you think at all why mom and I are upset?" My mother promptly kicked me under the table, throwing me a reproachful look. "What?" I snapped, rubbing my shin.

"Leave me out of this," she hissed, glancing nervously at Charlie.

"What's going on here?" He asked, looking between us.

"I'll tell you what's going on," I smiled deceptively sweet. "You've apparently forgotten that today is the one year anniversary of us leaving Phoenix."

A dull flicker of understanding lit his eyes, and he nodded, folding his paper and slapping it down in front of him. "Okay. What do you want from me, Bella? Do you want to fight?" _Hell yes! _"Because honestly, I thought you had come to the same conclusion as your mother by now."

"And what would that be?"

"That what's done is done. To except the fact that we are_ never _going back." It was like he slapped me across the face. "We have a _decent_ life here. Amongst _decent _people. In a _decent _town. Tell me, how is this a bad thing?"

My ears rang from the sudden spike in my blood pressure. _What did he just say? Decent people_?

I snapped, standing up and kicking my chair backward. "Are you saying the Cullen's weren't decent people? Because that has to be the most ignorant statement you've ever made! And that's saying something!"

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Oh Lord. Not this again."

I slammed my palms down on the table, making our breakfast jump. "Yes, this again! It will always be this! This," I waved between us. "...will always be the problem between us."

He folded his arms and huffed. "Stop acting like a child, Isabella. The drama is not appreciated this morning." His tone was cold and completely removed. It only made me want to reach out and grip his neck with my bare hands.

"Well, excuse me for feeling a little bit emotional about leaving home! I didn't realise being upset over it was considered childish!" He threw me a withering look. I physically held myself back from flipping the heavy table over, WWF style.

I realised I was getting nowhere with him. How can I make this simple for him to understand? Grunt like a caveman? _Me want go home._ I took a deep breath and said, "Can't you try to understand why I'm upset? Why I react the way I do when you insult my friends?" He just blinked, unmoved. I looked to mom for help.

She was sitting stalk still, frowning into her lap. She reminded me of that line from Jurassic park; _If you don't move, they can't see you_. So I was shocked when she finally woke the hell up and joined our conversation. I just wasn't prepared for her to turn on _me_. "Bella, that's enough. Your getting yourself all worked up over nothing."

I turned my incredulous glare on her._ "Nothing?" _I yelled, now positively outraged. She flushed, biting her lip. "Your a filthy hypocrite, Renee! Painting the cabinets a sunny yellow and planting flowers from back home that Esme gave you. Tell me, is this the action of a person happy in her new home?" Renee glared at me, pissed that I was throwing her under the bus.

"Don't drag your mother into this! Your just trying to create problems where none exist!"

"Where none exsist?" I sputtered incredulously. "Where the hell have you been? Living under a fucking rock?"

Both my parents looked scandalized. "Watch your mouth, Isabella Marie! Your grounded!" He puffed his stupid badge out on his chest, like that would intimidate me. I rolled my eyes, feeling recklessly destructive thanks to Edwards botched birthday and his ominous silence. I was hurting. In pain. And Charlies stupid mustached face was the perfect target.

"Whatever, dad," I said unconcerned. "This entire situation is like one long groundation anyway. And just in case you've missed the memo, Forks sucks!" I watched the vein at his temple throb. He was either longing to punch me or shoot me, either one would do the trick. I leveled my narrowed eyes with his and said, "I _want_ to go home."

"And you?" Charlie barked at Renee. "You feel this way, too?"

She looked panicked. "I... um...well, not necessarily." I gaped at her, feeling the sting of betrayal.

Charlie grinned, looking like a cat who ate the canary. "See," he turned his smug fucking face on me. "If your mother has learned to move on, than so can you. So I suggest you shut your smart mouth and start taking notes from her." I gaped. He talked about mom like she was a child who did a good job learning a lesson. A sudden disconcerting thought entered my mind. _Was he abusing her? _There are many forms of abuse that I know of, and her cowed demeanour set my warning bells off.

I tried one last time, knowing how fruitless it was. "Im serious, dad. We want to go home."

Charlie looked at his watch like I hadn't even spoken and stood up to slide on his cop issued jacket. While affixing his gun belt to his waist he said, "I'm done with this conversation, Bella. And it's the last time I ever want to hear this topic under my roof, you understand? My final word around here is law. So I hope you got all the theatrics out of your system. Because I'm warning you now, we are never going back. Ever. I can promise you that." He walked out the door and slammed it behind him, the panes of glass shivering from the force.

"Holy hell!" I breathed, aghast at his God complex. "He really does think the sun rises and sets on him, doesn't he?" I was talking to Renee, waiting for her to agree. But she was just staring at the wall blankly. "Hello? Earth to Renee?" She wouldn't look at me. So instead I snapped irrationally. "Way to have my back, mom! Your a real role model!" I shoved my chair into the table and took off for my room.

I slammed my bedroom door with all my might and decided that the last place I wanted to be was at school. I plunked down on my unmade bed, running my hand over my face. I felt sick, bombarded with crippling anxiety. My world seemed so out of control right now. Edward wouldn't talk to me. Alice wouldn't tell me what his problem was. She just kept down playing his strange behavior, saying he was busy with school or some shit like that. Dad was a condescending asshole. Nothing new there. And mom was strangely obedient to him. What happened to her anyway? Why wouldn't she fight like she used to? I shook my head, feeling completely miserable.

I grabbed my backpack and snuck down to the kitchen, looking over my shoulder the whole way. I so didn't need mom asking me why I hadn't left for school yet. Because the mood I was in I'd more than likely tell her to go fuck herself. And I loved my mother, no matter how much she disappointed me lately. I had no place to go and no license to drive myself with. But I did have money. And there was that one bus that came through Forks to Port Angeles everyday. I checked to make sure I had my battered wallet before I stepped out the door. But then something caught my eye. I happen to glance at the kitchen table on my way by, recognising Charlies precious paper. There, on the back page in bold print, was an Ad for a tattoo shop. It showed a mans bicep inked with an elegantly scrawled name; Anna Marie. I picked up the paper to get a closer look. And inspiration struck. What better way to express your loyalty than by inking their memory into your flesh? A tattoo is a permemnant thing. As permanent as Edward is in my heart. Excitement shot through me. I grabbed the paper and hustled out the door; Destination, Port Angeles.

Sin must have sensed my desperation when I arrived, because after searching my haunted eyes for any reason not to do this to a fifteen year old, he relented, telling me to climb onto his chair. We discussed the reasons that brought me here. What it was that I was looking to express. While listening to me drone on about my miserable life, he drew a beautifully scrawled sentiment that was to be placed on the curve of my hip. It read...

_My friend. My heart. My everything. My Edward..._

It was so perfect I cried.

And when I stumbled into Sins shop a year later on Edwards seventeenth birthday he was ready with another drawing. This time he created the most beautifully detailed sketch of music notes, wrapping themselves around my arm in a spiral motion from my wrist to my shoulder. The music notes were Edwards Clair De lune. And it symbolized how his music wrapped around me like a coil while listening to him play.

Once again, it was so perfect, I cried.

"Where nearly done with this one, Bella. Do you need to stretch?"

"No," I cleared my dry throat. I was incredibly thirsty. But I refused to halt Sins progress. "Were too close to stop now. Keep going."

"There's no harm in taking a break. Even the toughest dudes I know ask for bathroom breaks."

I turned to see his cute face, smirking down at my bare back. His blue eyes flashed to mine.

"Do you need a break?" I teased, raising an eyebrow at him. He chuckled darkly at my challenge and went on about his business.

Soon after, Sin turned off his gun and sat back, stretching. "Alright, Bella." He wiped off my back a few times and applied a thin layer of cooling gel on my raw skin, called Goop. It was instant relief. "You can go check it out in the mirror. But take it easy. You've been on your front for a long time."

I smirked saucily. "You like keeping me on my front, don't you, Sin." He let loose a smutty chuckle, sliding his purple rubber gloves off and discarding them in the waste basket.

"Unfortunately I don't know much about your front. It's your back I'm well acquainted with." I flushed, feeling the cool air rush over the skin of my half exposed behind.

I brought the fluffy white towel up with me when I sat up, concealing my nude chest._ Sin's seen enough of my body already_, I thought. _No need to familiarize him with my rack, too_. I swayed from the blood rushing to my head, the tell tale ringing in my ears. I lifted a long leg over the chair and awkwardly clamored upright. Which was difficult, seeing as my yoga pants were half off my ass. I tried to yanked them up while holding the towel securely in place, but nearly dropped the towel, giving Sin a free peep show. _Fucking klutz_, I muttered.

"Here," said Sin. "Let me." He reached around and gently slid my pants up over my hips. I flushed tomato red. It was one thing to have his gloved hands all over my body, but to feel his hot fingertips run smoothly over my hips was another. It made me uncomfortable.

I took a step back from him and swayed unsteadily. Sin was ready with an assisting arm. "I'm not usually this unccordinated," I lied.

Sin looked at me incredulously. "You forget I saw when you tripped right into Nick last year. Remember?" I groaned, recalling the aging bikers colorful choice of words after tripped right into his freshly tattooed chest. "As a matter of fact I've never seen him cry like that before," Sin chuckled. I gave Sin a look that clearly said, y_our excellent memory can kiss my ass! _

He led me to the three way mirrorand snapped on a bright medical lamp. Gah! It was the kind of light only UFO's abduct people with. I squinted at my back in the mirror, waiting for my eyes to adjust. All at once the jumble of colors and lines came into focus, making sense out of nothing... and there it was... My tree house, nestled deep within the tree in my back yard. _OMG!_ It was beautiful!

The tattoo wasn't gaudy like I was afraid it would be, but tastefully placed, curving with my body, not against it. The tree trunk climbed up the left side of my back in a fluid motion, moving with my muscles as if alive. It branched out with limbs and leaves across my shoulder blades. I looked like I had leafy green wings. When my shoulder blades flexed, so did they. It reminded me of when a gentle breeze blew the leaves about, the warm earthy smells of Arizona traveling with it.

The weathered boards that made up my tree house peeked out from the dark depths of the canopy, it's pale face once again beckoning me to come inside. He even added the ladder of slats nailed to the trunk. My God! It was my home. My childhood.

I turned my blurry eyes back to Sin and gasped, "How did you know?"

He tilted his head, bemused. "Know what?"

"Know the images locked in my head?" I looked back at it, struck a second time with just how spot on the image was. "Sometimes even I can't remember the details this well." Like the creak of the floorboards. The way it smelled of charred wood when it got too hot outside. Or the simple way it sheltered me from those who wanted to hurt me. It was my sanctuary.

"Because it's my job to listen when people talk, Bella." He walked behind me and gently turned my body so I could see the left side better. "Do you see the vivid green leaves here?" I nodded, remembering the way the strong scent carried with the wind. "You said the leaves smelled sweet, like sugar. I understood that to mean maple leaves. They have naturally bright foliage in the summer." His blue eyes crinkled when he smiled at me in the mirror. "Now do you understand how I know what's in your head?" I nodded, impressed at his cleverness. He shrugged meekly. "I'm just a good listener. That's all."

"No, your a therapist."

He threw his head back and barked a laugh. "If you only knew how badly I need one myself."

I laughed with him. We were both completely fucked up for different reasons. But even the dregs of society needed to be heard. And if we choose to express it through body art and piercings... so be it.

He sighed, looking at me strangely. "Bella, I hope I don't weird you out by saying this. But, sometimes I wish I didn't have to wait a whole year to see you again."

I stared. That was the last fucking thing I ever expected him to say. "Why?" I asked, perplexed.

He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. He reminded me of Edward in that moment. The way he used to get all shy on me, kicking the dirt with his sneakers. "I guess because you make me laugh. Not many people can do that you know."

Sin looked like he was in his mid twenties, maybe. But it was hard to gauge when he ruined his cute face with steel and metal balls. I had nothing against piercings. As a matter of fact I had a tiny nose stud... but the way Sin looked right now, so young and insecure, reminded me of me. He needed friends too, I guess.

"Yeah," I giggled a bit hysterically. "I'm a laugh riot, alright." He smirked and walked away, head down. I watched him in the mirror over my shoulder, feeling more than a little confused. What just happened?

He dressed my back with gauze, giving me instructions on how to care for the tattoo. Like I didn't know already. I was to air my back out as much as possible. And no bras for a few days. Great! If your a chick, you know how awkwardit is to free your puppies in public. It's an unpredictable situation that usually ends in cold nips and staring eyes.

I winced when I had to lift the loose cotton tee over my head. The raw skin stretched uncomfortably when I moved. But it was worth it. I smiled, thinking about the way the tree house came out. I've said it before and I'll say it again; Sin is one talented son of a bitch. And that's why I come to him. For his artistic prowess. Not for friendship. I vowed three years ago never to allow anyone acsess to my heart. And Edwards behavior was just the reminder I needed to follow through with my plan. I couldn't let anyone hurt me like that again. Look at the fucking mess I've become.

"There you are," he called from behind the counter. "I thought I was going to have to come in after you."

Grabbing cash from my old brown wallet, I paid Sin, promising to be back.

"I'll hold you to that," he smiled, handing me a business card.

I blinked down at it, running my eyes over the funky design. "What? Are you getting all professional on me now?"

He chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling with humor. "Just take it, Bella. Think of it as a reminder."

"Ooookay," I said, pocketing the card.

He reached out and handed me a bag of gauze and a tube of Goop. The skin of his fingers brushed mine. I yanked them back, feeling uncomfortable with all the casual touching. It wasn't that I didn't trust him... it was just I proffered our professional, no pressure, relationship.

"Thanks, Sin," I waved out the door, anxious to get out of there. He smiled back, genuinely pleased to see me today. Why did he have to be such a nice guy?

I glanced out at the mild traffic in Port Angeles and crossed the street to my parked truck, relieved to be free of him. He was making me feel guilty when I had no reason to be. I mean, he was a great guy and all. Really cute even. But wouldn't I know if I was attracted to him over the course of three years? Attraction wasn't something you had control over. You liked what your hormones told you to like. And the only person my hormones ever drove me to be attracted to was Edward. I climbed into my truck, remembering his soft brown hair. His ocean green eyes. The tall athletic body he was growing into. And, Lord, that sexy disarming half grin of his. My heart began to beat out a rapid tattoo of it's own. See... your hormones know what they like. And as I pulled away from the Sin's shop, I thought,_ And it isn't you, Sin. Sorry._

As I drove home through the misty fog of Washington I pulled out Sins business card preparing to toss it in the glove compartment. Then I noticed something scribbled on the back. It read, _I meant it when I said I'd like to see you more. Call me. Maybe we could hang out._ And he copied his cell number down. _Holy crap!_ That was personal! I threw the damn card into the glove compartment like it bit me. My breathing became harsh, fogging up my windshield faster than I could defrost it. What the hell was he thinking? He knew how hard it is for me to trust people! He said it himself, don't get weirded out, Bella. But I did just that! And now I had to close myself off to the only person I ever connected with in Washington. Even if it was for my own gain and not his. I knew right then and there I could not go back to him. Because he wanted something from me that I just couldn't give. Myself. A burning sensation that had absolutely nothing to do with my fresh tat welled up in my chest. Loosing Sin, loosing his personal brand of therapy, made me feel like I was loosing Edward and Alice all over again.

"Why, Sin?" I smacked the steering wheel. "Why can't you just leave it alone?" Do as I do and take from it what you can. I know it's no way to live, but it's better than the alternative.

I was gasping in the cab of the the truck, pissed off at myself for breaking my own rules! Rule number one: Do not get close to anyone. Rule number two: Stay in contact with Alice and Edward. And the last, most important rule of all, three: Escape Forks at all costs!

Well, I was failing two out of three. Well, two and a half, really. The only rule I seem to be honoring is Alice. Speaking of her... I yanked my phone free of my backpack and checked for missed messages. She texted an hour ago. I grinned, feeling slightly better.

**AC: Bella! Send me a pix. I want to see the latest masterpiece! :)**

And just like that, the tight burn in my chest slowly dissolved. I did have a connection to someone. Alice. She was my anchor to sanity. My blood sister despite totally different DNA. I didn't need some quasi friendship with a guy I hardly knew. I had Alice. And she was all I needed.


	3. Chapter 3

Ah, it figures... You would manage to drop in on me just as I was crawling around on my hands and knees, trying to locate my missing keys. News flash, people, I'm a champion, and I mean olympic medalist, at loosing shit. What was that famous cliche again? If your head weren't attached to your body, you'd loose it. Yeah... I'm that quotes poster child.

I leaned down into the musty gray carpet in my bedroom and lifted the dust ruffle from my bed. All I found was a few stale cheese curls and a number of discarded shoes. _Dammit!_ I blew my dark bangs from my eyes, scowling in frustration. _Okay, Bella_, I thought. _The last time you had them was when you visited Sin in Port Angeles_...

I froze at the thought of him, recalling his written words; _I meant it when I said I'd like to see your more. Call me. Maybe we could hang out._

I felt strangely fore lorn about him, and I was pissed at myself for feeling that way. All I've thought about over the last few days, other than my deeply damaged friendship with Edward, was if he's waiting for me to call. I hated the thought that someone, outside of Alice, was waiting on me. It was a responsibility I couldn't handle.

So late last night, when I was sure my parents had fallen asleep, I snuck down to my truck in search of Sins business card. I stared at it for a good hour in the dark, wondering what to do. It's been three long years since I hung out with someone I genuinely liked. Sure, I had Alice. She was irreplaceable. But there was something so powerful about the physical nearness of a friend. It was comfort and belonging all rolled in one. I desperately missed that. And if a skinny, tattooed, guy, with a zillion piercings, wanted to give it to me... then why the hell not? I was awfully tempted to call him, the Blackberry burning a hole in my back pocket. My desires and needs were at war with my carefully trained rationality. I knew that I didn't particularly like being vulnerable to another human being, becuase it always comes back to bite me in the ass. And with that sharp reminder, I decided I would end this nonsense here and now. I tore a liter from my jacket pocket and held it's flame to the cards edge, igniting the fucking thing. The embers illuminated my face in the dark. I must have looked like a psycho, standing in the dark, playing with fire like some pyromaniac. I dropped the charred paper to my feet and made sure it was nothing but smoldering ash before I turned to walk away. _There_, I swiped my hands clean. _Now there was zero chance of a slip up_. Follow the rules, Bella, I reminded myself. And with a sense of release, I went back to my bedroom, removed my shirt to air out my healing tat, and called Alice.

I shoved all those uncertain emotions deep into the pit of my stomach, focusing my wayward thoughts on more important things, like missing keys and angry bosses. If I didn't leave now I would be late for work... again.

I stood up and skirted around a pile of mounded laundry beside my burrow; maybe they were buried somewhere in there? Sifting through my enormous pile of laundry, I realized what a disgusting slob I had become. I found a half a pack of crushed Marlboro's and an Ed Hardy shirt I forgot I even owned. I pulled out one of the cigarettes to inspect... it hung pathetically limp between my fingers. Still good, I thought, not particularly picky about my nicotine. There was a sudden tell tale jingle inside a ball of red fabric. I shook it out excitedly, praying to God it was the stupid keys, and a flash of silver tumbled from it._ Yes! _I snatched them up, and tore from my room, jogging down the stairs in a noisy clatter.

"I'm going to work, mom," I hollared over my shoulder. "I'll see you later tonight."

I waited for her to respond, but she didn't answer. I did, however, hear the hair dryer running behind the bathroom door. I glanced at the cable box in the living room, frowning; it was four in the afternoon. What the hell was Renee doing her hair at this time for?

I stepped into the stairwell and yelled with more force. "Hey! Ma! I'm going to work!" Nothing. "Alrighty then," I breathed, pushing myself off the bottom step.

I walked out the kitchen door, frowning in thought. Renee's been acting so strange lately. Well, stranger than usual...

Tuesday, the day I got inked, I walked in on a huge fight between my parents. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because I got out of having to explain why I was spasming in pain every time my back rubbed up against the clingy gauze. They were so wrapped up in their own drama that they didn't even notice me clutching Charlie's bottle of whiskey tightly to my chest. Fuck Aspirin, I was gonna self medicate. I slunk up the stairs, stripped off my shirt, and got drunk to the dulcet tones of my parents argument.

Their fighting was nothing unusual now. If anything I walk in on them when their in the middle of a shouting match all the time. It was a toss up between my fathers barrel chested lungs and moms high pitched shriek. Honestly, I was surprised the dogs in our neighborhood didn't gather 'round to bay at the moon when they went at it. But what I gathered from this particular fight was that Charlie was suspicious of Renee, because she was getting home later and later from work. Apparently he checks up on her during the day and drops in unannounced. Renee was pleading with him to stop. Trying to make him understand how demeaning it was, and that her co-workers were starting to talk. Charlie argued that she was just trying to get rid of him because she had something to hide. Renee denied it. But I, too, heard the uncertainty in her voice, a slight waiver in her denial. Hmm...

Listening to them fight grew tiresome and frankly boring. Round and round the accusations went, rehashing the same crap till they were both blue in the face. I prayed my mother would wake up and realize that it wasn't a shameful thing to leave an abusive prick like Charlie. Just because someone doesn't lay a hand on you doesn't mean you aren't being abused. It hurt me to hear the things my father said to her, not realizing in the heat of the moment that his daughter could hear through the paper thin walls. He slung hurtful words like stupid and annoying, childish and petulant. His total disreguard of her as an equal was evident to me, yet she continues to forgive him. Honestly, there's only so many times he can apologize before she realizes it means absolutely nothing. He'll repeat the same hateful bull shit anyway. Charlie doesn't understand the meaning of remorse.

I think the worse thing out of all of this, for me personally at least, was the waiting. Waiting for that inevitable day when they would calmly sit me down and explain their divorce plans. I wish they would just do it already and seperate! Because one of these days, while they were screaming themselves horse and disreguarding the damage it was doing to me, they'll discover I already packed up and divorced them! Hey, kids have legal rights, too. Emancipation Proclomation, baby.

I hopped into the truck just as it started to pour, slamming the door closed behind me. I shoved the keys into the ignition and started the engine, shivering against the damp cold. _It June for God sake_, I thought bitterly at the deluge of icy rain. Back home we would be chasing down ice cream trucks and lounging by the Cullen's pool in our bathing suits. Instead, I get_ this _for summer vacation; uncomfortable damp clothes and a head cold. I plucked at my rain soaked hoodie with disgust, longing for tank tops and sandals, Daisy Dukes and sunglasses.

I hit the gas and drove onto the rapidly flooding main road toward work.

Forks was covered in imposing pine trees and parasite covered boulders. It was a cage of green. The sky was practically nonexistent, an eerie greenish gray color. Instead, it was blanketed in low gray clouds that looked pregnant with rain. And the earth was a mixture of mud and slush, depending on if the temperature breaks freezing. And when it didn't, it was nothing but a solid rock of ice threatning to twist my ankles and scrape my palms. There was a near constant dampness that hung in the air, too. It clung to everything, especially your clothes and shoes, creating that disgusting suction sound when you walk. The stark cold reality was that I have yet to see the sun while living here. I longed to see it just one more time. To shade my eyes from the dazzling orb in the clear blue sky. To soak up the vitamin D into my sun kissed skin. But here, in Forks, it was an impossibility. A pipe dream. A luxury meant for people bright enough not to live here in the first place.

I gunned my old truck up the hill toward town, hating every single thing about it. I hated it for offering Charlie a job! I hated it for being the wettest town in the United States! And I especially hated it for making my father so happy. It wasn't only sucking my soul dry, it was aiding Charlie in destroying his small family. We were no longer a family unit. We were three fragments of a shattered whole, drifting from one another with every passing day. And I didn't know how to fix it. My instinct was to flee, run with all my might back to Arizona where things made sense.

I drove further through the cloud covered town in my ancient red truck, praying for total engine failure. This rust bucket was so old it couldn't even be classified as second hand. Seriously, Eisenhower was president when it was built. How fucking sad is that? The engine wheezed and coughed, protesting my every command. If I had my way I'd drive this thing right into the salty ocean and collect the insurance. Forgive me Geico, for I know not what I do.

I rolled to a stop, waiting for the one light to change green.

I could see everything the tiny town had to offer from right here, on main Street. It didn't even have a name, just Main Street.

To my right was the police station where my father worked. Up the road was a convenient store/gas station. You know, the kind of pumps that don't take credit cards. To my left was a tiny diner that served anything as long as it came from a cow. _Moo._ Beyond that was the post office, holding less than five hundred mail boxes. A ways further up was Newtons Outdoor Outfitters, where I was so gainfully employed. One mile north, just off the highway was the collection of schools; if you could call them schools. The high school I attended was a small collection of houses with large numbers indicating their curriculum. There was no chain link fence. No base ball diamond. No metal detectors. Nothing indicated it was an institution of education.

I watched the red light impatiently, snapping my fingernails against the steering wheel. I looked reluctantly ahead. Beyond the light, nestled in the squashy green forest, was the lodge. Most of the towns buisness was conducted there. Including the local ELKs club. Apparetly this ridiculousness was improtant to Charlie. Why? I have no goddam clue. I swear, if he starts wearing a goofy hat with antlers on it, I would shoot him myself.

I was now glaring daggers at the red light, as if by sheer will it would change._ No one is around! Come on!_ An Amish dude in a horse and buggy could beat me to work at this point!

Back home in Phoenix, when we would get stuck in traffic like this, Renee would point out all the interesting aspects of the diverse city to distract me. The Spanish architecture with it's stucco siding and colorful tiles. The amazing spices wafting through the streets from the authentic Mexican restaurants made my stomach growl. And above the city line was always a perfect cloudless blue sky. There was nothing preventing the unblocked sun from filtering down upon us. And every single person, white, red, brown, all welcomed it to warm their souls. Phoenix was exciting and alive. But here, in Forks, it offered the same thing day in and day out. Monotonous wasn't even the word for it. Subliminal mind fuck was more like it. You saw the same faces, heard the same gossip, and everyone was related to everyone else. It makes dating very difficult if you cared to try. Which, I didn't. At all.

I saw movement in my rear view mirror. Jessica Stanley, brainless whore, pulled up behind me in her blue Cutlass, smearing harlot red lipstick on her wormy lips. She recognized my sputtering truck and gave it the hairy eyeball. I smiled, pleased with her reaction. First day of school she tried to schmooze me by using my instant popularity. I basically told her to fuck off. After that she started the, hate Bella Swan campaign, recruiting as many followers as possible. It really ticked her off that I had absolutely no reaction to her so-called intimidation. It was comical if anything.

I resisted the urge to flip her off. It might be funny if she rammed my iron truck with her tinfoil car. It would never survive.

Most kids at school didn't understand my attitude toward them. I'll be the first to admit I was a royal bitch... yet could hardly find it in myself to give a shit. I couldn't help it. Their small town ways annoyed the crap out of me. It was like living in a bad episode of Leave it to Beaver. I was Eddie Haskel, the bad influence with big city notions. They could never understand my attitude because they've never known anything outside of this town. So how could they understand how excruciating it was for me here, without dragging my fingernails across a chalkboard, demonstrating the grating pain? It would be like me dropping their Mayberry asses off in the middle of Phoenix, and saying, _Okay, survive_. They'd be begging me to bring them home within the hour.

_Oh, thank Christ!_

The light mercifully turned green. I pushed the gas pedal to the floor, shooting forward with a lurch. The Beast moaned in protest. It's noise alone alerted anyone within a miles radius that I was nearby. Faces of the locals turned as I drove by, whispering to each other about the Chiefs troubled daughter. I hated being gawked at. _Jerks!_

Speaking of dickheads, my father peered at me from between the vertical blinds in his office. He must have heard the trucks engine. I tightly smiled at him, cursing his name under my breath. He nodded in acknowledgment.

He absolutely loves it here. Renee, not so much. Despite her marital issues, she tried to make the best of it._ Turn lemons into lemonade, Bella_, she sang at me once. She proceeded to till the soggy ground for a garden. But as I watched her battle with the constant rain and the effects it had on her tiny garden, mixing the loam into a nasty mud puddle, I knew that it effectively killed her spirit. I felt bad for her. Especially when she had to throw away the bulbs Esme gave her. But in a deep sinister part of my damaged psyche, I was happy to see her fail. They took away my happiness. My Edward and Alice. Why shouldn't they suffer, too?

If I sounded bitter, it was because I am.

Sure, I've changed. Who wouldn't? I was more cynical, realistic, mouthy, and disrespectful. I left the old Bella, the real Bella, back home with the two people who loved her. I hoped someday to return for her. But for now, the bitch front was in full swing. And if Charlie found his paradise here, in hillbilly hell, then he would have a punk daughter to deflate his bliss on a daily basis. I snickered darkly. You could call this childishly acting out. Whatever. I grew up the day life slapped me across the face.

I tugged one of those bent cigarettes from my jacket pocket and steered the truck with my knees. Holding the lighter to the cigarette,I took a deep reverent pull. Yeah, it was a disgusting habit. But I picked it up to piss off Charlie. Nothing says I hate you like lung cancer, right? Only problem is... I'm addicted now. I can't quit.

I took a sharp left, forgetting my blinker on purpose. I wanted to catch Jessica off guard. But my joke back fired, because she passed me a little too fucking close for comfort. Bitch! I glared at her as she tooled by, studiously ignoring me. I don't know why I played with her like that; it was a predator and prey thing I suppose. Yeah, I needed a better hobby.

I blew out the remainder of my ciggerette, tossing it out the window. I imagined the butt hit gasoline instead of rain, and the entire town exploded. You know, like those action movies when the rebel walked away from the fire ball, unconcerned and cool. That would be me.

I slowly shook my head. Yeah... I was scaring myself now. That was messed up.

I coasted the old truck into it's usual parking spot. I hated going to work. Newtons Outdoors Outlet, for all your outdoor needs. _Asshole hikers_! I hoped hungry bears outsmarted them and took a limb for good measure. People weren't meant to live in the wilderness anymore. It was the twenty first century for Christ sake! I highly doubt Davey Crockett had an iPhone for GPS.

It was pouring icy buckets out there, pumbling the truck like bullets. I dreaded having to climb out of my warm dry cab, but I was late for work. I glared at the puddles and ice, expecting ass to ground contact. I prepared to leap out, psych myself up for the quick dash across the parking lot. I glared at the ridiculous rain through the blurry windshield. It was like living in a perpetual shower. I took a deep, steadying, breath, and jumped out of the truck, running full tilt through ankle deep puddles and freezing gusty winds. I fell through the stores entrance, the bell jingling my arrival.

"Bella?" Mrs Newton called from the cash register. "Is that you?"

"Yes, ma'am," I said in a bored tone. I shook the water from my body like a wet cat, ringing out my drenched hair.

Her clear blue eyes narrowed when she caught sight of me. "Why wont you wear a parka like everybody else?"

_Because they look retarded. _"I don't know?" I mumbled, shrugging. She pursed her lips.

I hadn't once attempted to make nice with her. Because I didn't care what she thought of me. Even if she was my boss. As long as I got my paycheck and good grades I was golden. I was saving up for the day I graduated so I could return home and go to college with my friends. I suffered with tremendous anxiety over this, wondering if Alice and Edward had found a new nitch of friends after I left.

We were at an age when everything socially solidified. If you got your license and had a bitchin' car, it automatically slotted you into popularity. If you chose to play sports, you were associated with jocks and cheerleaders. But if you had a rusted truck and tattoos, bad temper and perfected the bitch brow, you were dropped in with the Emos. So socially... we may not be compatible anymore. And that scared the living shit out of me.

She slipped off the green smock and handed it to me. No one else was here except Mike, the Newtons son. He was okay, except when he got nosey. When that happened I threatend him with my right hook.

"Have a good day, dear." She waved out the door, swathed in a black parka, wellington boots, and an umbrella. She looked like a Hefty Bag. Screw that!

As soon as she left I switched the stores mandatory country music with one of my mix cd's. Complicated drum patterns and scratch tables soothed my frayed nerves. Breaking the habit, one of my favorites.

"Hey, Bella," Mike stuck his spikey blonde head out of the stock room when he heard my music. He reminded me of a puppy dog in a flap. I nodded, taking out my Blackberry.

"Watcha' doin'?" he asked brightly.

"Checking my messages," I mumbled distractedly, scrolling through the settings of my phone.

Mike sauntered over and leaned across the counter, hands folded, watching my thumbs run smoothly over the ball.

"Who's Alice?"

I yanked the phone out of his vision. "She's my best friend," I reluctantly answered. I never wanted anyone from Forks to know about them. _Ever!_

"She from Arizona? Like you?" he persisted, ignorant to my irritation.

I leveled a very Edwardesque look at him that said, _back off, Newton! _He held up his hands and backed away, shaking his head.

He expected my weird behavior as everyone else did. I know a lot of people in Forks assumed the Chiefs daughter was a bad seed, kicked out of my old school for whatever reason. I wasn't about to correct their assumption. It kept them at bay. Well... most everyone. I glared at Mike who smiled back across the cluttered room._ Idiot._

I looked back at my phone, irritated to death.

Jesus! Just five minutes here and I'm ready to climb up the fucking walls. And where the hell was Alice? I scrolled through my in-box. Her last response was at two this afternoon. A pang of jealousy shot through me when I realized that today was Friday. She was probably out.

She had been dating this guy, Jasper Hale, for a few years now. They were pretty serious. Jasper moved into my house after I moved out. And I didn't know if I hated him for that or not. I suppose I had superficial reasons for hating him. For instance, he had access to Edward and Alice. He probably moved into my old room. And, he probably climbs in and out of my tree house. But when I think on it... I realized I couldn't hate anybody who loves my Alice. He made her happy. Thus, making me grateful.

I just didn't like the thought of being replaced.

I did see the flaw in my thinking. I was a selfish bitch and needed to stop finding reasons to hate people. Especially ones I've never met before. It wasn't healthy.

I picked up the infernal phone and texted,** S.O.S! **Very fitting for the watery atmosphere don't you think? I rolled my eyes at myself._ I'm so clever._

Ten minutes passed with no response. I re-organized the hiking maps. Stole a coke from the fridge out back. And filed my chewed fingernails into nubs. The cell vibrated across the smooth laminated counter top, making me jump. I snatched it up and read...

**AC: What's up B? Sorry. =( Was out w/ Jazz.**

A rare smile graced my face as I texted back. Mike peeked at me from behind a pyramid of sleeping bags. Nosey shit.

**BS: Jasper, huh? ;) Have a good time?**

**AC: Hell Yes! He took me out to dinner, and we had a wrestling match in the back seat of his van. If you know what I mean. ;)**

**BS: *sighs* I envy you**

**AC: No one good enough for you out there?**

I sputtered out loud.

**BS: Not unless you like the grizzly outdoors type. Beard and parks don't really do it 4 me.**

I expected an immediate response. But I stood there waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

Drumming my fingers staccato like against the cash register, I checked the phone to see if Alice had gone off line. Nope, the screen was still lit up. I bobbed my head along to Beastie Boys, Intergallactic. Then my body prickled... I sensed Mike nearby. Scanning the area for him, he was no where to be found. That made me nervous. I felt like I was being watched.

Finally, my phone vibrated. I sprang forward and grabbed it.

**AC: Hey Bella. Its me Edward. I wrestled the phone from Alice. She bit me! **

My heart skipped a bit and heat rushed up my cheeks. _Edward was texting me! _Holy shit!

When we got settled on Facebook, figuring out all the ins and outs, Edward dropped me a line every day. But after a month or so I had to ask Alice where he was. She said he was busy with school and baseball. She was lying for him, And I still don't know why.

**BS: Have u had your shots? x)**

**AC: LOL! No. But I may have 2! Shes been with Jazz. *shudders* I just wanted 2 say hi. I miss u Bella. Like crazy.**

My jaw dropped. _He missed me?_

That mysterious hole in my chest had never completely healed. But hearing that specific sentiment from Edward made the ever present hole quiver, slowly closing back together. It was like I could breathe again. I took my first real deep breath in three years. The cool damp air filled my lungs. What did this mean?

I tentatively texted back...

**BS: Edward, I miss u 2. More than u can even imagine. XOXO!**

**AC: Bella... XOXO. A thousand times over, XOXO! I wish I could deliver these in person. ;) **

My screen went blank... and my Edward was gone.

_Edward?_

I stared at the blank screen, blinking in wonderment._A thousand times over XOXO? He wished he could deliver me hugs and kisses? Holy shit! _All those old buried feelings resurfaced so quickly it frightened me. Confusion. Longing. Need. If he has this kind of effect on me when we barely communicated, then what the hell would happen if we saw each other again?

Shit! I had to calm down. I was hyperventilating.

There was thousands of miles between us, and yet he could still make my thighs tingle. I rubbed them together like a grasshopper, trying to quell the tension in my body. What did he mean by the obvious flirtatious edge to the text? Did he treat all females like this? Or was it just me?

It made me pine over what might have been.

We were so young, barely fifteen. Not exactly old enough to understand what was going on in our minds let alone our bodies. I recalled his vivd green eyes and the way they glittered in the Arizona sun. When he gazed at me with them, it felt like the earth had shifted beneath my feet. He knew that of course, using it against me. I snickered. He used to crawl up the lattice that climbed up the siding of my house, just to say goodnight. One night he fell and broke his arm. He got into so much trouble. I chuckled out loud into the empty store, forgetting my whereabouts.

I used to attend all of his games and recitals. I stroked the music notes embedded into my flesh, wondering if Edward still played. What a waste that would be if he didn't. But more than anything I missed his games. I missed watching him stand tall on the pitchers mound, strong and confidant, displaying his passion for the game.I also missed his love of skittles. His crooked grin. His calm, smooth, voice. His mousy brown hair and gold rimmed glasses. Oh hell... who I am I fooling? I missed him!

Yes, there was no doubt in my mind, Edward and I would have definitely shared our firsts together. And within that frame of mind, I wondered, who got Edwards firsts?

A spark of anger ignited in my toes and it journeyed it's way up my body until I could feel it in my fingertips.

_Who the fuck got Edwards firsts? _

My heart slammed into my ribcage. Whoever the bitch was I hated her! Loather her! Would fucking claw her eyes out if I ever met her! I was panting from the overwhelming hate coursing through my veins. This was a hate I had only experienced once before in my life, and it left a bitter taste on my tongue, a flavor I wanted nothing more than to spit out. Well, whoever this slut was she should feel lucky I'm not there to cunt punch her! Edwards firsts belong to me, bitch! I want them back!

_This was so unbelievably unfair,_ I whined. Charlie took so much more than just my friendshipsand home. He took away a chance to experience love. _Real _love.

Yes, the last time I felt so angry at someone I could physically taste it, was with Charlie. I had lived so long in a state of hate that I wasn't sure how else to feel. Who was I before, when I had a myriad of emotions fill up my day. I cant remember ever feeling that way. I wanted to dissolve onto the floor behind this cash register and bawl; maybe release some of the pain that was smothering me. If I was alone I would have.

I think the bitter pills I just swallowed amplified my jealousy, because I was virginal in every sense of the word. I guess I was subconsciously saving myself. Not because I had any moral compass that guided me, but because I just hadn't met anyone deemed worthy. I just couldn't imagine lying down with any of these yahoos. I imagines letting Mike paw at me in the back room, and recoiled. He would love that, I thought, looking around for him.

When I first showed up at school it was like the second coming of Christ. In lamens terms, I wasn't related._ Lame! _They tried to crack me by offering booze and their parents pills. And even though I used them for the alcohol I let them know on no certain terms that I was unavailable. That I was not dating anyone. Ever! They eventually gave up after a month of my cold bitchiness. I often heard that I was a tease. It was all very humorous, I thought. Being a tease indicated that I had interest in what they thought of me. Because that was so not the truth. And some of them, I wont name names..._ Mike_... were spurred on by my indifference, fantasizing about taming my wild ways.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." Mikes index finger touched my neck where the tat was still ringing smartly.

"Jesus Christ, Mike!" I whirled on the spot, clutching my heaving chest. It was so quiet I kept forgetting he was here. "You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!"

"Sorry," he chuckled.

He leaned against the wall behind me, crossing his arms over his chest. The cd changed to Blue Octobers, Into the Ocean. Strangely fitting for the stormy weather outside. The window to Mikes left shoulder flashed with rain and lightning. No one would be shopping today. And that left us alone. All alone.

He was just standing there, being quiet and watchful...

I looked at him over my shoulder and mumbled, "There's a lot of things you don't know about me."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

I grimaced, regretting ever speaking to him. "Nothing worth repeating Mike."

His face was open and friendly. Conversational._ Well crap! _I guess this is the most I've ever spoken to him. Not a good message to send.

I sighed. "Yes. I have a tattoo. A few, actually."

After a few moments of fiddling around with the cash register, hoping he would take the hint and go away, he said, "Edward and Alice?" My head whipped around and found him gazing at my phone._ The screen was lit up! _I hadn't noticed...

I ripped the cell off the counter and read with hungry eyes.

**AC: What did Edward say 2 u? Call me later! **

But she had gone a minute earlier. Fucking Mike made me miss her!

"Edward?" Mike breathed over my shoulder. "Is he your boyfriend?"

That was it! I flushed, anger enabling my bitchiness. It was always just under the fucking surface. I hated it!

"Please, Mike," I whirled around to face him. He stumbled back a few feet, surprised. I was so sick of hurting. So sick of the emptiness. I clutched my thudding heart, wishing it would beat for a reason other than anger. "Stop trying to get to know me! I hate it here! Can't you see that? I only came to Forks because I was too young to stay in Phoenix. Please. Stop. Trying."

I was flushed and beseeching him to with my eyes.

He scowled, clearly insulted. "Fine!" He pushed off the wall and stepped closer to me, our angry faces a mere foot apart. I blanched, my back tat hitting the counter behind me. I tried to take a step forward but his looming body prevented me from moving. "If you hate it here so much, than why don't you just leave?"_I'm trying to but your blocking me, douche bag!_

Instead I laughed bitterly, my hand curling into a fist. Just in case. I tried pushing him with my other hand, but he refused to move. Shit, he was strong. Too strong for me.

"Yeah? And have Charlie send the entire fucking force after me?"

Mike sneered. "What? All three of them?" At that I had to laugh.

He pulled away, clearly not expecting that reaction. He sighed and said, "Bella... your not a kid anymore. Go home."

"But I'm not eighteen yet." Could Mike hear the whine in my voice? Not very tough, Bella. I tried to rally my bitchiness, but it wouldn't come forth. I was too emotionally chaotic.

"Whens your birthday?"

I moved around the counter, pacing back and forth like a caged animal. "September 9th. Why?"

Mike scooted around to the counter and walked in front of me. "Bella. This is ridiculous. You'll be eighteen before school even starts up again. Go back to Pheonix, enjoy the summer with your friends and go to school there. You'll be a legal adult by then."

I paused and looked at him like he held the key to the mysteries of the universe. He was absolutely right. I could go back and finish senior year there! Holy shit! He was right!

The weight that pressed down upon my chest lessened just a bit. It wasn't enough to ease the gash in my heart... but he had inadvertently given me a possible out. Was it possible that I could go home? I wondered. But the real question was, how can I follow through with Mikes escape plan and not get caught? I have my truck, but... would it make it to Arizona? Shit! I have to tryor else Im stuck.

"Mike!" I gasped. "Your a fucking genius!" I couldn't stop laughing once it started. Insane little giggles kept bubbling to my lips. I threw my hands against his chest in a sharp slap. He stiffened, unable to return my joy. He acted as if I would stab him with a box knife. I reached for my phone and dialed Alice. "Mike," I said when it started ringing. "If I wasnt so fucked up we could have been friends."

I smiled at him excitedly. And that was the straw that broke the camels back. He hurried away from me, clearly unsettled by my friendliness. I felt bad for being suck a spaz, but none of it mattered anymore. I was getting the hell out of here! Forks could kiss my ass!

"Bella?" Alice breathed into the phone, concern lacing her voice.

"Alice," I giggled. "I'm coming home..."

I drove home with a sense of urgency, growling and slapping the steering wheel in frustration._ "Come on!" _The gas pedal wouldn't push this ridiculous truck fast enough! 48 mph the speedometer read. "Really? That's the best you can do?" As if answering me, the damn thing backfired with a loud bang. It sounded like a shot gun.

Driving past Charlies work made my heart jump uncomfortably. Especially when I realised he was due home in less than a half hour. And for the first time in my life... I was scared of him. I've been a lot of things when it came to Charlie; Pissed. Spiteful. Frustrated. But I've never been afraid of him.

Imagine your stuck in a dream where a monster was after you, his claws but an inch from your ankles, determined to catch you. Well, that's how I felt when it came to Charlie. My heart was pumping wildly in my chest, my breathing harsh and stunted.

_My father wont catch me! He wont catch me! He wont!_

My tires skidded across the soggy lawn, cutting deep grooves in the mud out front of my house. I jumped out of the truck, for the first time not annoyed by the rain, and darted up the porch, into the house.

"Bella?" My mother was sitting at the kitchen table, marking papers or something. I must have a hairied look about me because she jumped up and followed me up the stairs. "Bella, what's wrong? What happened?"

I flung open my closet and dove into it's unorginized depths. I heaved out the suitcase from under a pile of shoes and tangled belts.

"Bella, would you answer me?" Renee ordered, watching me toss the suitcase on the bed with a bounce.

My eyes darted around my room, my brain running a million miles an hour. "Um, I'm going home."

"What?" she said incredulously.

"I said I'm going home." I wasn't paying attention to her. My mind was half on Charlie, the other half on Arizona. I stumbled to my burrow and riffled through it for clothes. Underwear, bras, socks, jeans, shirts...

"Bella, this is utter none sense! Talk to me!" I ran past her with an arm full of under garments. She stepped in front of me and tried to wrestle clothes from my arms. I yanked them away roughly, glaring. "You can not run back to Phoenix on a whim!"

I flung the clothes haphazardly into the open suitcase. "And why not? Mom, I'll be eighteen two months! When September comes I can leave without your blessing or not! But it's summer! Schools out! I just quit Newtons! I'm going home! End of discussion!"

"Tell me, where will you go?" she asked, helplessly watching me fling my belongings onto my bed. I suddenly remembered my secret stash of money between my mattress, and dove for it.

"The Cullens," I answered distractedly, counting the thick wad of cash.

She strode forward and grabbed my arm, and I yanked it back. She leveled her hazel eyes with mine and said, "You cannot impose your company without being invited, Bella. It's rude."

"I_ was _invited," I explained, exasperated. "By Alice." She snorted skeptically, which just fueled my fury further. I flushed, my temper bubbling like an active volcano. "Wait a minute... Are you telling me that uprooting your family to this hell hole wasn't punishment enough? That I should stay here and be miserable along with you?" Her incredulity faltered. "Renee... it's been three years since I've seen my friends. How is that fair?"

"Bella," she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm not saying you don't deserve happiness..."

"Then explain to me why you didn't fight harder?" I yelled in her face, the damn of fury breaking free. "Why the hell you didn't stand up for me, a child, when dad did this to us? I remember the way you clammed up and wouldn't look at me while I was standing up to a man three times my size! I was so scared I passed out, mom! I knew then you were choosing him over me! Well, news flash, Renee... your not just Charlies wife. Your my mother, too!" I beat my chest when I said it, crying. She looked like I had slapped her across the face. But now that the words were pouring out I couldn't stop them. "I needed you to stop him from hurting me years ago! But when he made this decision... I knew there was no coming back from the consequences! And because of it, I've become this bitter bitch who everyone hates! Including me! So I'm asking you now. Where were you when I needed someone to hear me? When I was doing this to my body..." I tore my soaked jacket off dramatically, and stood bare in front of her, exposing my inked skin.

Renee sucked in a breath and gaped. I read her terrified expression. It was full of pain and horrific realisation. I showed her my hip and then turned so she could see my raw back. It hurt like hell and stung like a bitch. But she needed to see. Needed to know that the results of our shared pain was etched into my flesh forever.

"This is how I've been dealing with the pain, mom. This is the only outlet I've found that could possibly make this situation tolerable for me. I've completely ruined Edwards birthdays because that's the day we left. And now... he barely talks to me," I whispered, tears streaming down my face. "I've possibly lost one of the most important friendships of my life." I clutched my bared chest, gasping between sobs. "I miss them so much, mom, that I cant stand it. That's why I ink myself. Because I'm afraid I'll forget that I once could feel something other than anger." I was out right crying... and it pissed me off.

She reached out and hugged me. I winced. "Is that the tree house from back home?" she whispered in my ear. I pulled away and nodded, wiping my eyes.

"Do you know why I had your father build it?" she asked. I shook my head. "Because you needed a place where you could go to be Bella. You were such an intelligent little girl. So beautiful. But the terrible things that happened prevented you from seeing it. That's why you got the tree house. So you could go up there and dream your dreams." She was crying now. "You can't understand until your a mother how painful it is to see your child hurt, time and time again. But you have to know I tried to prevent it, Bella. I tried so hard to keep those monsters away."

I grew still and solemn, saying, "The problem with that is, my monster lived under the same roof." Renee stumbled backward and leaned against the wall, gasping at my words.

I got dressed in a loose flowy black tank top and blue skinny jeans, glad that she finally got it. That I got past all the bullshit that had her so occupied lately. "Mom..." she looked up at me with a shell shoked expression on her face. "I want to go home. Please. Let... me... go." She knew I was asking for more than a temporary release. I was asking for freedom.

I felt a twinge of shame for hurting her. Her sorrowful hazel eyes were seeing things I couldn't, thinking through her options in a daze.

I sighed, feeling utterly exhausted. "Look, I know that I'm leaving you with Charlie. And believe me, I'm sorry for that. But you know deep down that you should have said no to this move, instead of agreeing with him about the evils of the city." She reddened when I called her out. "You know I'm right. You miss Esme. You miss the warm sun. You miss what I miss. Life. Forks lacks life. This..." I waved my hands about. "... was a huge mistake."

She looked blank for a moment. Devoid of emotion. Which was odd for Renee.

Hey, it wasn't my fault if she couldn't be honest with herself. Reality was a harsh bitch, and at the moment, so was I. She sucked in a deep breath, coming back to life, and deflated onto my bed, her face buried in her hands. "You can't drive that piece of shit all the way to Phoenix, Bella."

I smirked, knowing I won the arguement. "If I have to drive like Fred fucking Flinstone, than so be it." She looked up at me and laughed.

She silently watched me pack. I was running now, aware that I just wasted fifteen minutes explaining my insanity. Charlie was due home soon. Too soon. Fear lanced me, picking up my speed.

Renee reached into her pocket and tossed something jingley at me. Reflexively I caught it. I stared down at her car keys incredulously. "Mom... these are the keys to your Audi. I can't take it from you."

She rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated. "Just shut up and do as your told for once." I chuckled, pocketing the keys. "And get out of here before your father gets home." She nervously glanced at my alarm clock while I zipped up the suitcase in a dramatic sweep. "I have to figure out a way to keep your father from calling out an APB on you." I nodded, well aware of this possibility.

I stopped and gazed at my mother. She was pale, like me. We used to be golden and warm, the sun radiating from our clear skin. Now we looked sallow and depressed, drawn. She was swathed in an ugly thick sweater instead of her pretty camisoles. I shook my head, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. She seemed to understand my expression. Because she reached out and grabbed my shoulders, turning me toward the stairs. Renee was providing me a way out. But she was stuck in more ways than I ever was. I almost asked her to come with. Like Thelma and Louise. But I knew she had shit to take care of before she joined me. And instinctively I knew she would. It was only a matter of time before their marriage imploded. And for some disturbing reason... this thought calmed me.

I slid on my jean jacket and lifted my suitcase. Renee slipped my back pack over my shoulder and smiled sadly, tears sparkling in her eyes. She followed me down the stairs and stuffed a hundred dollar bill into my back pocket at the front door.

She threw her arms around my neck and squeezed.

"I love you, mom." I gasped, panic rising in my throat.

"I love you too, baby. Now get out of here. Run."

I scrambled to the Audi, tossed my belongings in the back seat, and hopped lightly in the drivers seat. I stuffed the keys in the ignition and started the engine. I was momentarily surprised at how quiet it was compared to the Beast. Glancing one last time at my mothers sad face, I put the car in drive and sped away. I could see Renee in the rear view mirror as I drove up the road, waving until I rounded the corner.

And she was gone.

My mother was gone. I chose Edward and Alice over her. Just as she chose Charlie over me. Guilt consumed me... but I reminded myself she would be along soon enough. And when she did come to her senses, we could make a new life together in the sun.


	4. Chapter 4

**Going Home**

**Chapter 4**

**EPOV- Eighteen years old**

The game today was absolutely brutal!

It was 98 degrees on the field and not a single whisper of wind blew our way. We stood as a team beneath dangerous UV rays for nine straight innings with the sun beating down on our heads in unbearable waves of heat.

I think I was experiencing sun stroke for the first time in my life. I swayed on the pitchers mound, trying to make sense of the mirage like figure at home plate. I squinted against the sun light, knowing their should be three distinct people; batter, catcher, umpire... instead of a blurry mass of confusion. I wiped sweat from my stinging eyes and prepared to throw my fast ball...

Hey, how was I supposed to know the guy was crowding home plate? I heard, more than saw, his yelp of pain as my 94 MPH pitch made contact with his ribs. _Oh shit!_ I ran forward, apologizing profusely. The crowd was gasping in shock, crying out for their fallen friend.

"Oh hell!" I hissed, looking down at the guy on the ground. He was curled up in a ball, clutching his stomach. "I'm so sorry, man. I _swear_ I didn't do that on purpose."

I reached down to offer my hand but he shot me a glare and spat, "Don't fucking touch me!"

I was about to argue that it was an honest to god mistake when both Coaches rushed out on the field expecting to defuse a fight. Hey, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have kicked my own ass, too.

"Cullen!" Coach Dwyer cried, skidding to a stop beside me. "Is he alright?" I threw him a look that suggested he was an idiot.

"Would you be? That was my fast ball, Coach." He hissed between his teeth, rubbing the back of his sweaty neck.

"Look, Arnie, I'm sorry," he implored the other coach with out stretched hands. "Cullen made a mistake. You know we don't play dirty ball. That's not our game." Arnie ignored his apology.

Coach Dwyer watched on helplessly as the other Coach, flushed and bald, approached his writhing first baseman. He fell to his knee's and fluttered his hands over the kid's hunched back, not sure where he got hit.

"Simpson, are you okay? Do you need a medic?" Simpson groaned but shook his head, no. He was a tough shit, I thought. My fast balls were known for their heat.

It was then I realized the crowd had gone uncharacteristically quiet...

I glanced up at the the gleaming silver stands full of fans, wincing away from their accusatory glares. An older woman with graying hair had her hand pressed to her mouth, her blue eyes large and shining with tears; his mother? The guy next to her noticed my attention and smacked his fist in his hand menacingly. It was the universal sign for,_ your going down, punk. _I wanted to snatch the microphone from the announcers hand and plea my case. But my attention was snapped back to the situation at hand. The medics flooded the field, asking us to move out of the way, to give him air. I stumbled back, watching in horror as they poked and prodded at Simpson. I removed the team hat from my head, nervously ruffling my sweat soaked hair. _Geez,_ I thought, watching on helplessly. _I could have hit him in the freaking head, blinded him or something!_

The crowd cheered when Simpson shakily got to his feet, holding onto the medics arms for support. I tried apologizing again but it met deaf ears.

Arnie leaned in Coach Dwyer's face and spat, "You better get your boy under control. Or else." _Or else?_ I thought incredulously, shooting Coach a frantic look. His answering nod was grim.

Needless to say Coach took me out of the game, mollifying me with a sharp slap to the rear and a cold bottle of water.

"Shake it off, Cullen," he advised. "It does no good to dwell on mistakes." I nodded miserably.

I slouched inside the dusty dugout, plopping down on the bench in the midst of my team mates, mentally beating myself up. They tried to tell me not to feel bad, but I did. Felt horrible, actually. I'm_ not _a wild pitcher! I didn't bean guys on purpous. Only Assholes did that. And now, I look like an Asshole. Wonderful.

Inspite of my mess up the game ended on a high note, the Wolves coming out on top... of course.

We crammed ourselves onto a waiting school bus for the ride home, listening as Coach Dwyer delivered his after game speech. He stood at the front of the bus in a white polo shirt and shades, chewing gum and grinning at his team.

"And last but not least, I wanna' give our pitcher here, Cullen, a shout out." My head snapped up, shock plain as day on my face. "I know it was hot out there today. We all suffered along with you. But you held your own, despite beaning someone. It sucks when that happens. But we all know the dedication it takes to play as well as you do, son. Keep up the hard work. We're counting on it to get us to the next championship."

The team clapped and whooped all around me, ruffling my sweaty hair and hitting me with their gloves. As odd as their show of support was it made me feel better knowing they at least believed me.

I smiled through the beating, proud of what I achieved today, despite hurting someone. I worked damn hard to be where I was; 1st string pitcher on a championship winning Varsity team, The Wolves. That meant dedication and commitment. But today I was working extra hard to be noticed by the college scouts that stood off in the shadows of the dugouts. We all knew they were there but no one outright mentions it. It was taboo or some shit like that.

I sighed, knowing I royally screwed myself over with todays performance. I pushed myself too hard, ignored my bodys signals. That could be counted against me, I just knew it. A college team want's a pitcher who knows his limits but can push himself at the same time. I had yet to find that balance... obviously.

One team mate in particular deserved the scouts attention more than I...

Seth Clearwater was the catcher for the Varsity team. My partner on the field, my friend off the field. I knew that opurtunities for him, like a scholarship, came at a price.

Unlike me, who had all the blessings of a successful family, he and his mother, Sue, struggled to keep their small family afloat, working overtime for minimum wage. His dad, Harry, passed away a year ago from a heart attack, leaving them with a mountain of debt. But Seth bore his responsibilities like a man, never complaining when he had to work directly after school. He was truly on his own when it came to his future. So if an opportunity comes in the form of a scholarship, I'm fairly certain Seth would do cartwheels, naked, infront of a flock of nuns. Now that, I would pay to see.

"You did an awsome job out there," Seth said, sliding in next to me.

"Thanks. You, too," I smiled, fist bumping him. "I thought for sure that guy who stole home was safe." We both chuckled, recalling the umpires exaggerated, _You're ooout!_

"Nah," Seth waved me off. "I had my glove down in plenty of time thanks to you." He gasped, clutching the green seat in front of him. "Oh, hey! I can't believe you stopped that ball with your leg! That was crazy the way you dove for it." I grimaced, feeling the bruise pulse below the skin of my shin.

"Apparently no one counted on my stupidity," I mused. "Including me." If I knew then what I know now, I would not have jumped in front of a line drive. Baseballs_ hurt!_

Seth chuckled tiredly. "No pain, no gain, my man. No pain, no gain." I nodded. Truer words were never spoken.

I yawned, leaning my head against the seat. My eyelids slid closed on their own. I tried to relax my screaming muscles but my right shoulder needed ice desperately. I could feel my roator cuff grinde against the ball joint every time I moved. I didn't want to say anything because I really couldn't stand another Cortisone shot from dad. I shuddered, remembering the long needle sinking into my shoulder, moving all around until the lubrication cushioned the entire joint.

"So, what are you gonna do for your birthday?" Seth asked, interrupting my thoughts. My eyes flew open, and that nagging tug in the back of my head suddenly made sense. It was my birthday this Saturday._ Holy shit!_ I've been so bombarded with finals and baseball that I almost forgot what was coming!

"Um..." I cleared my constricting throat. "Nothing. I don't want to do anything."

Seth looked at me funny, furrowing his black brows. "Aw, come on, man," he elbowed me. "You never do anything for your birthday." I shrugged and looked out the window evasively.

"Alice mentioned a party," he added hopefully. My eyes locked with his, widening in panic.

"No!" I shook my head. "She can't do that. She know's I can't... that I won't... that I couldn't stand..." I looked away from his confused eyes, biting my tongue. Geez, I sounded like a babbling lunatic. I took a deep breath, calming down before I answered, "No, there isn't going to be a party, Seth. Just... no."

Seth watched me shift uneasily. His scrutinizing irked and embarrassed me.

"Hey, no pressure, okay," he offered kindly. "I get it. No party." I nodded gratefully, repeating,_ no party_.

And just like that, my after game high flew right out the window.

_Alice..._

Glowering out the window at Phoenix's evening traffic, I decided to send our friendly neighborhood pixie a text. No, nix that. _Evil_ neighborhood pixie. That's a more accurate description.

Holding my phone slightly out of Seths line of sight, I typed...

**EC: What's this I hear about a party? No party, Alice! I fucking mean it!**

Seth shot me a side ways glance, raising an eyebrow. "Everything alright?"

I sighed, tucking my phone back into my book bag. "Yeah. It is now." He smiled, ammused, and looked toward the front of the bus where the coaches assistant, Victoria, sat. He liked her. She was pretty enough I suppose. Red hair and blue eyes. Just then, as if aware of my appraising eyes, she turned around and smiled at me. Seth sat up straighter, puffing his thin chest out. I snickered through my nose and looked away.

The truth is, I've been somewhat blind where girls are concerned. Ever since..._ Bella._

_God_, I couldn't even think her name without feeling the after shocks of a heat-quake.

June 21st, 2008; The day Karma took a collosal dump on my life. On my birthday, no less.

Why Alice want's to commemorate this is beyond me. It only signifies the worst fucking day of my life. Sure, lets go ahead and throw that shit back in my face, please. I like feeling the crushing reminder of what I lost. Of what I can never have again.

_Bella..._

When I thought about her I was bombarded with images of bright smiles, big amber eyes, and long brown hair that fell all around her shoulders and back. She was so warm; warm as the sun...

I was nine years old when I met her. I smiled absentmindedly, recalling the way she lifted her Disney eyes in my direction and blushed. It was one of many I would cause over the span of our five year friendship. And even though I found myself in a ridiculously embarrassing situation, thanks to Emmett pushing me down in front of her, I felt an instant spark of interest in her, where interest in girls had been non existence before. I was confused by these feelings. I reminded myself that girls had cooties. Just ask Emmett. He knew because, once, a girl touched him, and he got sick. So I pushed aside the urge to be near her, opting to run off with Emmett to play ball.

Baseball didn't intimidate me. Bella did.

I was just a skinny, knock kneed boy, with geeky glasses and mousy brown hair hair. So why did she look at me like I was an interesting puzzle to work out?

I stayed as far away from her as I could, watching her warily through my bedroom window when she was in that cool tree house of hers. Surely a girl couldn't be as fun as she looked. In her tree she sang and danced uninhibitedly, wrote in a blue notebook I desperately wanted to read, and played cards like a professional gambler. One hot afternoon, after watching from a far, I gave into tempation and made Alice bring me over. She graciously let me inside her coveted tree house, offering cold soda, skittles, and a fun game called Crazy Eights. I was right, she_ was _fun. So my nine year old logic told me, she must be cootie free.

As time marched on I got to know her better. She loved to read and owned an extensive, intimidating, library of books that I often borrowed from. She read the cool books, like Narnia, Treasure Island and Lord of the Rings. Not that crappy girly stuff Alice read.

Bella was quick witted with a sharp tongue, keeping Emmett on his toes and myself constantly entertained. But the most important discovery about this girl was her kind heart. She genuinely cared when someone was suffering or hurt, sharing their pain like it was hers. I was positive it was after-trauma from being bullied. Her vulneriblility peeked through in those moments, revealing just how much they damaged her self worth. It didn't exactly warm me to the new kids in school...

Alice, Emmett, and I had a few scuffles that Bella never knew about; dragging someone out back of the school by the scruff of their neck, using our Chicago street cred on their asses. Word of mouth gets around fast, but fists do it faster.

When we entered freshman year... all hell broke loose in hormone land.

Desert Mountain High School, home of the Wolves, was a virtual brothel of depthless blonde's with IQ's the size of their toy dogs. My guy friends encouraged me to take advantage of their promiscuous ways, because apparently they all had new sexual escapades to brag about. I wasn't sure I believed them at first. I mean, come on, these guys still watched Spongebob Squarepants and read comic books and Manga. The very thought of my immature friends making shmexy time with these voluptuous girls was laughable.

I held onto a grain of skeptisism until a certain strawberry blond, Tanya Denali, sunk her Lee Press-On nails into my arm and dragged me into a closet that smelled of mop water and chemicals. The janitor's closet, I realized. I recall scrambling away from her like a mouse caught in the claws of a hungry cat. Tanya roughly pushed me against a filing cabinet and purred in my ear that we were in the closet famous for Seven Minutes in Heaven. I looked down at her with a panicked expression, having no clue what she was talking about. Then, as if through some odd connection, my sister, Alice, yanked the door open and dragged me out, looking furious. I tripped out into the hallway, blinking in the sudden flouresant lights. Alice assessed my disoriented expression and turned on Tanya, telling her off for being such a Ho bag. But what Alice didn't understand was that Tanya's advances didn't matter, because none of these girls held one hundredth of the attraction I felt toward Bella. There was just something about a girl that leans into your ear and whispers a dirty joke during Health class; I'll never be able to eat a banana without thinking about condoms again. _Thank you, Bella._

During that time I tried to show her in my own inept way that I had feelings for her. But it mostly came out as teasing which usually ended with Bella getting injured. So I formulated a plan that involved summer vacation, my permit, a car, and a dark movie theater. Still a viable plan, I thought. We had the entire summer to do as we desired. And Lord knows how I desired Bella. As a result of said desire, I had a lot of masturbatory fantasies involving her.

I still remember that first time...

I strolled out of the kitchen with a Popsicle dangling from my mouth, when Bella sashayed past me in a thread bare nightgown that she had clearly out grown. The track lighting hit her chest in such a way that I could easily make out her rosy nipples through the straining fabric. I stared unabashedly at her perfectly round tits. She walked down the hall with my sister, ignorant of my ogeling. From this angle I was able to appreciate the way her hips swayed suggestively from side to side, her nightgown rising with every step, revealing long slim thighs that I very much wanted to touch, to bite. That was the first night I ran to my bathroom and touched myself until I cried out her name in ecstasy.

Not much has changed in that area. I still snuck off to my bathroom when I needed a distraction. By taking matters into my own hands, so to speak, I was able to conjure up memories of Bella in her tight nighties and those long, glossy, bitable, legs. I was pretty positive I would not be able to keep from getting an erection if I was ever in her presence again. I tried to imagine her, all grown up and filled out into her womanly figure. I blew air from my flushed cheeks, unaware of Seths attention. I mean, if I thought I had a hard time controlling my dick around her when I was just a tween, I can't imagine the embarrassment I'd suffer now.

The sick masochistic part of myself thought that if there was any possibility at being reunited with her, I would suffer the embarrassment, just to see her again.

_Now that would be the ultimate birthday surprise_! I thought wistfully.

I caught myself before those thought's went any further. _Ugh!_ Birthdays! How the hell did my diabolical sister get me to subliminally think about my birthday? She was an evil mastermind!

"Hey, Edward," Seth nudged me from la-la land. I jumped awake, blinking up at the red bricked High School just outside of the bus.

"Holy shit," I swore under my breath, looking back at Seth in bewilderment. "We're here already?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. You've been lost in thought for a while."

We gathered our equipment and followed the flow of filthy ball players down the aisle.

"So, care to tell me what you were thinking about?"

I flushed, embarrassed. "Err... Bella, actually."

Seth's smile slowly slipped, knowing but not quite understanding just how different I've been since she left.

"Oh," was his quiet reply.

I followed him down the steps feeling awkward and stupid for telling him the truth. I should have just lied, said I was worried about our next game or something believable like that.

I shook a few of the guys hands, congratulating them on a good game. Seth surreptitiously watched me, making me nervous about the fake smile I wore. It sucked to have someone know what's going on in your head. It felt intrusive somehow.

"Hey! Edward, Seth, _wait!"_ We turned to see James Smith, our center field, running at us from across the parking lot. We both groaned. Seth and I couldn't stand him. We kept the contempt to ourselves, of course, since he was a team mate and all, but we hated him because he took advantage of the team groupies once they were passed out, drunk. I heard a whispered rumor of rufies from the last party. A handful of crying girls confirmed my suspicion.

"Hey, thanks for waiting," he said once he reached us. "There's a party back at Felix's house in an hour. You guys in?"

Seth looked at me, knowing my brains been running like a hamster in a wheel for the last hour. "Um, I'm not really up for a kegger tonight. I have to work tomorrow. Mum's got some shipments coming in from New York and we have to be up early for it. Sorry." He nudged my shoulder as if remembering something, and said, "Hey, don't forget your picking me up at eight." I shot him a look, furrowing my brows in confusion. He glared hard into my eyes until I got the was giving me an out.

"Oh, um, yeah. Sure," I nodded like a bobble head. "I'll be there at eight. Sorry, James. Can't make it."

He shrugged, unconcerned. "Don't be sorry. It just means more alcohol and bitches for me," he smiled smugly and jogged off, shouting excitedly at those attending the party.

"What a tool," I breathed, glaring at James' retreating form.

Seth snorted, dumping his equipment in the back of his jeep. "Seriously, he looks like a Ken doll with that blond hair and the preppy clothes. Hey, his yellow Porsche could be the Malibu dream car." I threw my head back and barked a laughed.

"How do you know so much about Barbie?" I couldn't stop gaffawing. "Honestly. It's disturbing, Seth."

He grinned, a glint in his brown eyes. "Oh, I have, like, a zillion girl cousins who wants Barbie and Barbie accessories for their birthdays. It's enough pink to make you puke." My laughter died in my throat and my face fell.

_Birthdays... Bella_...

Seth slammed his back hatch with a bang. "That's it!" I cringed away from his tone. "What the hell is going on with you, Edward? Every time I mention birthdays..." I flinched. "... _See?" _I looked down, ashamed_. "_Come on, man. You can talk to me. I thought we we're friends."

I frowned, feeling like an Asshole all over again. I didn't realize he was that sensitive to my mood swings.

"I do talk to you, you know that. But some things... like this... I'm just not ready to talk about."

He studied me contemplatively, then asked, "Bella?"

My heart constricted, not used to hearing her name outside of my thoughts. I nodded heavily. "Bella."

Seth took a deep breath and said, "Alright then. Enough of this emotional bullshit. We're manly men and we just won heap big game."

I grinned at his Tarzan impression. "That we did, Kimosabi." That was the great thing about Seth. He didn't drag shit out.

He hopped lightly into his red jeep and blasted his stereo, speeding out of the schools darkening parking lot with a toot of his horn. I watched his tail lights disappear around the corner, feeling listless without his company to occupy me. I was left standing by myself in the dark like a loser, glancing around the near empty parking lot. I sighed, strolling lazily to my silver Volvo.

The ruby red sun was almost over the horizon now, taking it's ungodly heat with it. Phoenix's concrete sky line had steam rising from it's roof tops like a thoroughly cooked pie. Everything was cooling off now, the temperature dropping rapidly thanks to the wind blowing in from the desert.

While tossing my equipment in the trunk I heard a pair of heels clicking on the pavement. I looked over my shoulder and found Victoria striding toward me. I frowned. Maybe she was passing on a message for Coach Dwyer or something?

"Hey, Edward," she smiled, all red lips and red curls. "I was hoping to catch you before you left."

I returned the smile, more out of courtesy than anything. "What's up?"

"I was wondering why you wern't going to the party?"

I pulled an incredulous face. _What did she care?_

She bit her lip, looking shy. "I was hoping you might change your mind once you heard that I was going." The lashes started fluttering... and it all clicked. _She was fucking flirting with me!_

"Victoria..." I was at a loss for words. I supposed sticking to what I told James would work here, as well. "I'm helping Seth out at the shop tomorrow morning. I can't go. Sorry."

Victoria's demeanure changed, and took a step closer, looking determined and..._ predatory_. Seriously, two more steps and she would be pressed right up against me. My eyes automatically slid down to her ample bust line. I couldn't help myself; they were right there. She smirked. "I like you, too, Edward," she purred, pressing her breasts up against me.

I scrambled back against my car. "Victoria! _Shit! _We can't do this!"

She snickered at my skittishness. "I don't bite, Edward. Unless you want me to."

Her red lips collided with mine, and I froze, wondering what the hell was happening. I mean, I've rarely made eye contact with this girl, let alone giving her the impression that I was interested. She reached out and clutched my dirty jersey, a low groan escaped her throat while her fierce lips moved against my non responsive mouth. I was getting pissed. Why don't I ever have a say in who the hell I kiss?

The horny teenage male inside me wanted to just give in and kiss her back, get what I could from it... but I desired an entirely different set of lips. Lips that were warm and soft, not hard and forceful. I desired long brown hair that slipped between my fingers, not red curls that snarled at the touch. But most of all... I wanted to feel my blood boil with lust, not cringe away.

"Victoria, _please_, stop!" I pushed her face away with my hands, feeling all kinds of creeped out. She didn't stop, her red lips smacking mid air. She reached out to caress my chest with the tips of her talons, her hands traveling south. _O__h shit, oh shit, oh shit!_ One touch down there and I would stand at full mast, even if the aggressor was scary as hell! It was a mans curse. Your dick didn't care who was touching it, just as long as it was being touched.

"Stop!" I demanded, trying to sound forceful now.

She was going too far!

"No!" She growled, sinking her fingers into my waistband. "You know you want me, Edward," she panted, eyes shining excitedly. "I've seen the way you look at me. But it's okay because I want you too." Her voice was all breathy and liquid sex. "Besides, don't you like a little danger?"

I had to stop this insanity before she got her iron grip on my jock strap.

I just needed another out!

_Help!_

As if by some cosmic connection, my phone rang, loud and shrill against the still night of the dark school yard. Victoria jumped back in surprise, long enough for me to yank the car door open and clambor in. I swiftly locked the doors and fumbled with my bag, scrambling to find the ringing phone. It was... "Alice?" I panted into the phone, staring at a livid Victoria through the window. She was knocking on it, saying something I couldn't quite make out.

"Edward!" Alice snapped in my ear. "I have no idea what your text was about, but it was rude and unappreciated. The next time you decide to chew me out, at least be a man and say it to my face!"

I ran my hand through my disastrous hair again, exasperated at women in general. "Alice, I'm not in the mood to discuss this. I'll be home in ten minutes. Then you can punch me in the face for all I care." I snapped the phone shut, glancing sideways at Victoria's rigid stance; arms folded, jaw set, eyes flashing. _Oh, man. She was pissed._

I started the Volvos engine and tore out of there, the tires leaving long tread marks in my wake. Once a safe distance away I glanced in the rear view mirror almost afraid at what I'd find. Victoria was standing in a pool of floresant orange light, a lone silhouette against the dark, still in her fury.

_That is one scary chick,_ I thought, relieved to be on my way home_. _

While still slightly dazed I wondered just how I was going to handle Seth. He likes her.

_Oh man, _this was _so_ not my day.

Alice's convertible was the only car in the drive way when I got home. I groaned, preparing myself for her ire.

"I'm home," I called into the empty house, dropping my equipment to the floor in the foyer.

I heard quiet giggling in the living room. My first instinct was to warn Alice that I was about to walk in on whatever her and Jasper were up to, but when I peeked around the corner I found my sister sitting alone on the couch, snorting at something on her Blackberry.

Relieved that I wasn't interrupting anything shmexy, I strolled into the living room, hands in my uniform pockets, and said, "Hey, Al. what's so funny?"

Alice turned her elfin face up to mine and scowled. "I'm not talking to you until you apologize."

I sighed and plopped down beside her. "Look, someone told me that your planning a party for my birthday. Alice, you more than anybody knows how I feel about that."

I waited for her to respond but got the cold shoulder. She wasn't kidding when she said she wasn't talking to me.

I huffed and tired again. "Is it true? Are you planning a party or not?"

She scrolled through her phones settings as if I hadn't even spoken. "That didn't sound like an apology to me," she murmured to the lit up screen.

I narrowed my eyes at her. Incase she didn't realize it, I was about two seconds from plucking that damn phone from her grip and chucking it into the pool.

I gritted my teeth and said with as much restraint I could muster, "Look, I apologize for being a dickhead, okay? I just had a really weird run in with Victoria and I don't need your shit right now."

She finally looked up at me, confusion wrinkling her forehead. "Victoria? The coaches assistant?"

I nodded, relieved she was dropping the bitch front. I explained the insanity back at the school with uncomfortable detail. I grimaced. The taste of fruity lip gloss was still on my lips._ Blech_. I wanted to go brush my teeth and gargle.

Alice frowned, clutching her phone with a look of concentration. "What did she say when you told her to back off?"

"Something like; _You'll be sorry, Edward._" Alice raised a dark brow, mirroring my reaction.

We were staring at each other when the cell in her hand bleeped and vibrated. She jumped a mile off the couch, laughing breathlessly. I chuckled, glad I wasn't the only one with the Hebbie Jeebies.

I decided to give her privacy. It was probablly Jazz or Emmett, sending her the disturbing image of a squirrel with abnormally large testicals. I got that one this morning, via Emmett. The statement beneathe the squirrel read,_ Got Nuts? _I snickered. What? I thought it was funny.

I grabbed a red Gatorade from the fridge and made for the stairs. "Say hello to Jasper for me."

She was giggling, staring at her phone. "Oh, it isn't Jasper. It's Bella."

My steps faltered. "Bella?"

"Yeah," Alice said, typing distractedly. "Want me to say hello for you? I'm sure she'd roll over in shock if you did."

I stared at the tiny lit up screen from across the room, ignoring Alices jibe. That was Bella... _my Bella_, on line, physically conversing with Alice as we speak. Somehow the multitude of miles between us felt a tiny bit smaller just then.

She was right there. She had never really gone. I was the one who left.

My battered body seemed to wake up, blood racing around in my veins. Alice was smiling as they conversed, like it was nothing at all that she hadn't seen Bella for three years. How can she do that? Doesn't it bother her? Doesn't she feel guilty?

An impossible idea suddenly popped into my head; _You could say a quick hello. What would that hurt?_

My heart pounded wildly in my chest, promising to break a rib unless I calmed down. And slowly, so slowly, my feet began to close the distance, the soles of my shoes dragging against the carpet as if in defense.

I shouldn't do this. I knew better. I was going to mess everything up. _Stop, stop_, my brain screamed, clawing at my face like Edvard Munch's famous painting, Scream. But my body refused to stay put, moving forward without giving it any kind of conscious permission.

_There's a reason I stay away from you, Bella,_ I thought_. Please. Hang up..._

About a month after Bella left for Washington I realized our long distance arrangement wasn't going to work. Seeing her Facebook profile and reading her daily thoughts on Twitter just made her absense that much harder to bear. And though I was suffering, I kept coming back for more. I couldn't help myself. I was like an addict afixed to my computer screen, eyes bloodshot and glossy. I'd check my email account every hour on the hour. At first it was full of sweet I miss you's. Then the tenor of her letters grew impatient and short tempered. Her anger is justified, I thought. Because I didn't know how to make it better for her. What kind of friend was I?

I've never felt so impotent in my life.

As weeks bled into months, Bella's problems slowly consumed me. She didn't seem to be settling into her new life, and I thought maybe with time...? But time merely brought her new frustration.

I was growing more and more concerned because there was very little Bella in her messages. There was a new, bitter, version of my Bella that was eclipsing the girl she truly was, and it scared me to death. It was then that I began to wonder, was it me that was holding her back from being happy? Was her attachment to Alice and I a bad thing? It couldn't be easy to make new friends when her old ones were leeching on like bloodsuckers. So I thought If I pulled back, if I let her go, we would both learn to move on and make new lives for ourselves... even if it seemed an impossible task.

I knew I was lying to myself when I had gone fetal in my bed for an entire week.

Alice banged on my door, begging for me to come out. Emmett promised to break it down, threatening bodily harm if I didn't stop acting like girl. But it was my mothers quiet sniffles and pathetic pleading that ultimately dragged my ass out of bed. I threw the door aside and found her pitiful, tear stained, face, gazing up at me in the hall. I was hurting her, and that was inexcusable. My father, being a doctor, discussed suicide from teen depression and medications that could help. He tried to ascertain my mental state through gentle prodding. It was at this point I realized how far I had let my sanity slip. If my dad was so concerned that he was willing to medicate his fifteen year old son, than I knew I had to pull my head out of my ass, before my mother spiked my morning OJ with Zoloft.

I decided after that it was best to grieve Bella silently. I taught myself to live in this frozen emotional state; forever 15. Living in the past, breathing in the present. Their was one person who could see through my careful ficade. And I was about to steal her precious phone.

She screamed when my large hands clamped down over hers. "Piss off, Edward! She's talking to me!"

I hurdled the couch, grabbing at her feet when she crawled away on hands and knees.

"Give me the phone, Alice!" I ordered.

"No! Call her on your own phone!"

She scrambled beyond the coffee table and dashed up the stairs. I took off after her, feeling possessed. Now that I allowed myself the desire to talk to Bella it took over everything. I nearly tripped over my own big feet, tumbling backward on the stair case. Alice was deceptively strong. I managed to secure her shirt in my grasp, yanking her back with hard thud.

_"EDWARD!" _she shrieked, bracing against the fall. "Let me go!"

"Then give me the damn phone," I roared, grabbing at her hands. "I want to say hello myself!"

"No!"

I plunked down on her fanny so she couldn't run, pinning her kicking legs beneath me.

"Get off of me," she gasped. "Jesus, you weigh a ton! I can't breathe!"

I looked down at her, pissed that she couldn't see how badly I needed this. "Give me the phone and I'll get up!"

"Fine!" she wheezed. I reached out to take the phone from her, but she bit my finger before I could yank it back.

"Jesus Christ!" I yellped, shaking my finger back and forth. "What the hell, Alice? Bella's my friend, too. Let me talk to her!"

She looked up at me angrily, blowing her black bangs from her dark eyes. "Your friend?" she laughed a short hard laugh. "You could have fooled me, Edward. Bella thinks you hate her. And I don't blame her for thinking so!" Her words lashed out like a whip, slashing at my very soul.

I stared back into her defiant face, hurt for reasons I deserved. "Then let me set her straight." I held out my palm in the teeth zone, showing good faith. "Let me talk to her. Please, Alice. I'm begging you."

Alice searched my solemn eyes for any deception. I stared back, angry that she thought so little of me.

She blew out an aggravated breath and said, "Fine! But I'm warning you now, if you so much as make her cry, I'll make Emmett hurt you. And you know how persusive I can be."

I pondered her vengful words, surprised at the venom in them. Did she really think I would make Bella cry?

"Deal?" she asked firmly.

I nodded curtly. "Deal."

I rolled off of her, helping her to her feet. She tugged her designer clothes back into place and slapped the Blackberry in my hand, looking like a ruffled bird. With one last meaningful look, she left me alone in the dark hallway, slumped against the wall.

Gazing at the last text, it read...

**AC: No one good enough for you up there?**

I frowned, wondering what Alice meant.

**BS: Not unless you like the grizzly outdoors type. Beards and parkas don't really do it for me.**

My eyes widened_. Holy shit!_ She was talking about guys up in Washington!

Jealousy shot through me like a violent steroid. I actually jumped from the impact. I felt devastated at the thought of her dating someone else; kissing them, holding them, looking at them like she used to me...

Poising my thumbs over the keyboard, I thought, what do I say to ease into this conversation? It's been three years of stubborn silence. I have so much to say to her, yet so little space. I looked at the small square of white I had to communicate with.

Here goes nothing...

**AC: Hey, Bella. It's me, Edward. I wrestled the phone from Alice. She bit me!" **I hit send, feeling idiotic for opening with that. But to my surprise her reply was almost immediate.

**BS: Have you had your shots? **I snort/laughed. She returned my humor. Good... this was good.

**AC: LOL! No. But I may have 2. She's been out with Jazz *shudders* I just wanted to say hello, and that I miss you so much. **There, now the truth was coming out. My chest hurt from my admission. The pain and greif oozed around inside me like an infection... but talking to her was easing that.

**BS: Edward... I miss you to. More than you can ever comprehend. XOXO **My breath caught in my throat. Hugs and kisses? I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering how close we were to kissing the day that she left. Her bottom lip brushed mine... and it was like a zing of electricity consumed my body. I pictured the rosy blush in her cheeks and her soft bottom lip caught in her teeth. Those big amber eyes looking at me shyly through her lashes. I banged my head back on the wall, feeling a strange rush of endorphins. Now that's what I meant before about feeling my blood boil.

**AC: Bella... XOXO! A thousand times XOXO! I wish I could deliver these in person** **;) **And before I said anything more provocative I hit the end button and knocked on Alice's bedroom door.

Her door flew open, a tense look in her eyes. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah," I nodded, my voice rough with emotion.

Alice reached up and touched my shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

I met her eyes, and she knew just by the swirling tornado of emotion within them that I was most certainly not okay.

"Edward, if you want to talk I'm right across the hall. You sometimes forget that I'm your friend, too. Or I was." Her pretty face fell, revealing just how much my isolation hurt her. Man, I've fucked up on so many levels! How do I fix this? Fix all of it?

I hung my head in shame and said, "I'm so sorry, Alice. Sorry for so many things." She nodded solemnly, fast to forgive.

Reaching up on her tip toes and threw her thin arms around my neck, surprising me. I tentatively wrapped my long arms around her tiny frame, returning her embrace. It's been so long since I hugged anyone.

"It has to get better, Edward," she whispered into my shoulder. "It just has to." I sucked in a shaky breath and nodded into her shoulder.

I gently set her back to the floor, wishing to flee before my emotions turned into actual tears. Hey, I may be an emotional recluse but I was still a man with a healthy ego. Tears equaled weakness and I tried to avoid displaying just how weak I really am.

I strode across the hall toward my bedroom, happy to have opened a line of communication with my sister again.

"So, does this mean I can throw you that party now?"

I froze, hand on the doorknob.

I _knew_ it!

I spun around to glare accusingly at the sneaky, party throwing, twit. She was standing in her open door with her arms crossed, wearing an smug grin.

I stumbled forward and shoved my finger into her stupid little face. "You had better call it off. I mean it, Alice._ No_ party!"

"We'll just have to see about that," she sang, slamming the door in my incredulous face.

Pounding on her door I hollered, "NO FUCKING PARTY, MARY ALICE! DO YOU HEAR ME IN THERE? NO PARTY!" Her stereo came on, blaring the Black Eyed Peas, Boom Boom song. It effectively drowned my hissy fit out.

"FINE!" I shouted above the music. "THROW A PARTY ALL YOU LIKE! BUT I WON'T BE THERE!"

I slammed my bedroom door on her, see how she likes it.

_Alice!_ I seethed_._

Her persistence was just cruel and tactless!

Striding forward into my cluttered room I tore off my dirty uniform and cleats, kicking them to a corner with a little more force than I meant to use. One shoe sailed through the air, knocking over a stack of CD's. I threw myself down on the bed in nothing but my white boxer breifs, allowing my core temperature to drop. I sighed. It was a sharp relief to be rid of the heavy polyester clothes. I could at least appreciate that in spite of everything else.

I rolled onto my side to turn my fan on Hi. Lying on my back, revelling in the cool artificial breeze, I thought about what I just did. _I talked to Bella_, I thought in amazement. _And I didn't roll over and die._

I couldn't wrap my head around it. I knew I should feel angry that I caved so easily, but I couldn't find it in myself to be mad just now. She seemed genuinely pleased to hear from me.

I did learn one important lesson; I didn't mentally break down. Yes, I was still thinking of her, wishing with everything in me that she were cuddled up beside me on this very bed... but I wasn't slipping into a emotional coma like before. I had grown stronger, I suppose. Not completely desensitized, but enough to bear her written words. Now if I saw her... that might be a different thing all together. But for now I had this. This one small step to getting back in Bella's good graces.

A tiny, unexpected, spark of excitment flickered deep in my chest.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, looking around my messy room with more optimism than when I entered. Dirty clothes littered my floor and a pile of school junk was dumped onto my desk. I could vaugly make out the shape of my computer beneath a paper mountain. And something hard and gray protruded from beneath the bed. I leaned down and extracted an eighty pound dumbell. I forgot where the other one is. My right arm already hurt like a bitch, so doing what I was about to do would be considered incredibly stupid. So, of course, I did it.

I thought as I curled my arm into disrepair; what would have happened if Bella didn't move away? Where would we be if Charlie didn't take her away from me? I smirked, betting anything we would have been well into a solid relationship. And possibly have been able to throw away that embarrassing virgin card.

Yeah, yeah, everyone reading this can close their mouths. For I, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, am a virgin of the Snow White variety.

Trust me, I didn't expect to be servicing myself at this point either, but when life deals you a shit hand you have to do what you have to do. Besides, as displayed earlier, I'm not available to just drop my drawers and bend over the first Ho I run into. I can't feel a certain way about a girl and throw my body around like it means nothing.

I wished I had thought to ask her what she was up to? If she learned to like Forks? What was it like up there? Did she have a job? A car? Who did she hang out with now?

Alice did fill me in on an interesting tidbit; she says Bella turned into somewhat of a hell cat. My eyes were literally in danger of popping from there sockets when she told me Bella had three tattoos and smoked like a chimney. The very thought of my sweet, innocent, Bella, inking her soft skin and sucking on cigarettes made my head spin. The mental picture was at odds with what I knew. It couldn't be reconciled in my mind... until I happen to stroll past Alice's open door one day, catching the tail end of a conversation with a somewhat familiar voice. I back tracked, intrigued by the distant familiarity of it. It took me a minute to realize it was Bella! She proceeded to complain about Charlie and Renee, F bomb's flying freely, and an angry hiss when she couldn't find her Marlboro's.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but Bella had never seemed sexier than she was just then; cussing without giving a shit, attitude dripping with every utterance, and god, that smokey voice. It sounded deeper, huskier than what I remembered. Whether it was from the smoking or just growing up, I didn't know. And from the way my body responded to it, neither did I care.

My surprise encounter turned into a free for all in the bathroom, drumming up mental pictures of a dominant, tattooed, Bella, taking control over my submissive body, scratching her nails down my back like a feral cat. It was the longest shower of my life. It took a week to de-wrinkle.

I started pumping iron faster, sweat dewing on my bare back at the mere memory.

God, I wanted to see her so badly. I needed to know if there was any possible way she could feel for me as I do for her. Three fucking years and I still can't move past her. I was hoplessly ensnared.

My father urged me to date, naming a few of his colleuges daughters as suitable candidates. And I did try, out of respect for my fathers reputation. I couldn't insult his co-workers by rejecting their daughters. It would make dad look bad. Besides, I wanted him to think everything was A-okay in the head department. These dates always ended the same; a polite kiss on the cheek, asking them if they had a good time, wishing them well at our parting, and never calling them again. It was nothing against these girls. They we're nice, I guess. Just not the specific brand of_ nice_ I wanted.

Alice and Rosalie helped me on the other end of the dating spectrum, keeping the obsessed groupie's of the baseball team at bay. Who's Rosalie you ask? She's Jasper sister and Emmett's girl friend. She was a very good friend of mine, though it took us a while to get to that point. Our relationship started out a bit rocky. You see, from the very first time I met her, I insulted her by being a prick...

The Hales moved into Bella's house a few months after she left. I watched from my bedroom window as a moving van pulled into the vacant house next door. I was horrified when they began moving their belongings into Bella's house. It felt like a sick cosmic joke. These strangers were going to disturb what little memory I had left of her, here, in my back yard!

My mother practically strong armed me into going over as a family, to make nice with the new people. I thought of every excuse not to go over, but mom wasn't buying it. I slouched grumpily along behind my parents, disgusted at this new turn in events. But when I stepped over the property line it was like a jolt of thunder rumbled through me. Her presence was still strong, here, like a ghost haunting it's very own home. I wasn't expecting that at all. I needed to seperate from everyone for a bit, collect myself. So my feet followed a well worn path to the foot of Bella's tree house. I stared up at it, feeling for all the world like a lost puppy dog who's owner gave him away. I knew where home was but I wasn't allowed to go back. The longing to climb up and nail the trap door shut nearly overwhelmed me.

I abruptly turned away, hating what's become of us. Strangers. To me, this entire piece of property should be surrounded with police tape; the scene of the crime. Charlie Swans crime!

I had yet to forgive him. A sudden flash of anger slipped down my spine at the thought of him. This was entirely Charlies fucking fault! I had a nagging feeling that Bella was miserable; the smoking, the potty mouth, the attitude. It was classic rebellion. I wanted to point my finger in his smug fucking face and ask, was it worth it, asshole? Was Bella's misery worth moving her thousands of miles away? He tried to say goodbye before they left, but I just glared, exchanging silent fuck you's.

It was this frame of mind that I marched up to our new neighbors and ordered Jasper and Rosalie to leave the tree house alone, to never set foot in it. Alice gaped at me, mortified and embarrassed. But I didn't care. If Bella wasn't here to defend what was rightfully hers, than I would do it for her. Rose huffed and said that tree houses were immature, that she would never be caught dead in one anyway. Jasper agreed with a curious sort of grace, not asking me why I was acting like a possesive dick head. So you can see why it took Rose took a while to get past her first impression of me. Neither of us represented ourselves properly that day. Rose turned out to be pretty cool.

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

I gasped when the door jumped on it's hinges, quivering under a force strong enough to break it.

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

"Open the door, Edward!"

I dropped the heavy weight to the floor with a loud thud, frowning at the door. "Alright, alright, hold on. There's no need to break the door."

I picked my way across the cluttered floor and swept the door aside. "Emmett?" I said, confused. He was supposed to be gone for the weekend.

"Hey, bro," he said, pushing past me into my room. His nose scrunched. "Jesus! Ever hear of deodorant?"

I rolled my eyes. "Say's the King of offensive odors."

He chuckled, unprovoked, and kept moving deeper into my room.

"Why don't you come in," I said sarcastically, shutting the abused door with a snap.

He bent down and tossed the eighty pound weight in the air playfully and catching it... you know, the weight I was just struggling with. Geez!

He turned to appraise me with a raised eyebrow. "Is there a reason your airing out that hairless body of yours?"

I looked down, surprised to find myself in nothing but underwear. Oops. I forgot.

Smirking wryly, I said, "Why? Are you jealous?"

Emmett snorted. "Hardly. I'm here for Alice."

I groaned. "You can tell her to respect my decision! There is no way, on God's green earth, I will ever let her throw me a birthday party!" I yanked my door open and yelled into the dark hallway. "YOU HERE ME, AL! NO PARTY! AND EMMETT WON'T CHANGE MY MIND!" I slammed it shut.

"It doesn't matter what you want," Emmett said calmly. "Edward, it's my last summer here. We need to celebrate before we go our separate ways."

I crossed my arms over my bare chest and stared dubiously at my him from across the room. He was going away in August to Miami U on a football scholarship. _Go Gators!_ We would never be together as a full family unit after this summer. One by one we would leave and make our own way in the world.

Damn! I hated it when he was right.

"Fine," I sighed ungraciously. "I'll do whatever she wants..." He beamed. "But..." His smile dropped. "It can't be thrown for my birthday. I'll gladly party with you guys, as long as it isn't about me. Okay?"

"Yeah. Sure, sure." He agreed quickly. His swagger told me he considered this a victory; competitive bastard.

Instead of leaving like I thought he would, he looked around himself curiously, moving slowly amongst my belongings, examining them like a science experiment. Since we grew older Em and I have this unspoken agreement to respect the others privacy. It was a brothers code. So letting him into my room was like a free admission to snoop around.

And snoop he was...

He methodically picked over my books grimacing at the titles. I was sure he hadn't read anything outside of the funny papers. He pocketed a few of my CD's, promising there return._ Yeah right_. He paused at my fish tank and tapped on the glass. The gold fish scattered. I watched on silently, wondering what the hell he was doing. I mean, why was he lingering in my odoriferous room? His curious gaze slid over my pine burrow... and the fucker opened the top drawer!

"Emmett!" I snapped, stumbling forward in horror.

He reached in and pulled out a hand full of photographs before I could reach him. "What's this?" he asked, holding them up.

I flushed, angry and embarrassed. "Pictures. Give them to me."

He quirked a brow and yanked them back, looking down at them. Those pictures we're very personal to me. And they may look like nothing to him but meant everything to me. I snapped photo's of Bella in her tree house from my bedroom window without her permission. She was so natural behind those walls, so beautiful. I frowned, feeling stockerish, though I really didn't do it for any perverse reason. I just wanted to have a small part of her.

He held these up and said, "You know, she's been gone for... what, three years now?"

My face slipped into it's stony, emotionless, mask. "Em, please. Don't talk about thing's you don't understand."

He rolled his eyes and dropped the pictures back to my burrow. Without any warning, my head was suddenly in the crook of his arm, secured in a headlock. I grunted, shoving at his overgrown body. "You know, Edward, sometimes I wonder if you have ovaries." He roughly poked my pelvis. I yelped, struggling to free myself. "You're pretty enough to be a girl."

I escaped his armpit and a shoved his guffawing body onto my mattress with a bounce.

"Fuck you, Asshole!" This just made him laugh harder. I rubbed my sore shoulder. "Your such a jerk, sometimes!"

"Aw, come on. You know you love me." I pft'd, shoving the pictures back into their proper place; the back of my top drawer.

"Look, it's simple," he said, leaning back on his elbows. "If you love Bella, call her. Moping around and being a toe rag to Alice and I isn't going to help your situation."

What? Wait, _what? _

I spun around, gaping incomprehensibly.

Love her? I blinked stupidly at my usually unobservant brother. I mean, I knew I nursed a sever crush on her... but love? Did I love Bella? For some reason this unexpected revelation settled into my mind easily, like it had always been obvious. I was just too clouded by grief to understand it.

I did. I loved her. I was in love with Bella Swan. Oh, crap! I was in love with Bella. This was so not good.

Emmett sighed in a martyred fashion, yanking me to my bed beside him. "What's the problem now, Edwina?"

"The problem?" I said incredulously. "Have you been here for the last three years of my life?"

He chuckled, despite my obvious agitation. "Unfortunately yes, I have. I just chalked it up to puberty." I threw him a dispariging look.

"My problem is that Bella lives fifteen hundred miles away. Neither of us can just up and leave if we feel like visiting." He looked confused, like this alone wasn't reason enough for my behavior. I rolled my eyes and tried again. "You know how I feel about Bella, Emmett. I've made no secret about it. But, the problem is, what if she returns my feelings? We're kind of stuck in this neutral friend position, and it fucking sucks. I'm afraid to cross that line." Emmett was nodding, his black brows scrunched in concentration.

"Besides," I continued, relieved to be airing these thoughts out. "If I do learn that she loves me back, how the hell are we supposed to survive apart? I mean, it's one thing to deal with our seperation as friends, but living with that knowledge while being in love... well, long distance relationships aren't exactly known for their lasting strength."

"But, isn't that better than nothing?" he asked.

I sighed heavily, wondering how to lay it out for Emmett. I know he and Rosalie had a very physical relationship. So maybe...

"Imagine never being able to see Rosalie," I tried. "Never being able to gaze into her blue eyes and feel that electricity. Imagine being denied her touch, her kiss..." His brown eyes lit up with understanding, nodding.

"Man, I'm sorry," he muttered, patting my bare back. "You we're right. This isn't easy, is it."

I laughed a short humorless laugh. "No, it isn't."

Em grew still beside me, deep in uncharacteristic thought.

In true Emmett fashion, he summed up my situation in his own crued way. "Man, this sucks balls!"

I laughed in agreement. "Big hairy balls."

His mammoth body jostled my mattress about, laughing along with me. "Mom said dinners ready in a half hour, by the way." I nodded, staring at my bare feet. My toes were blistered from the cleats.

Patting my bare leg in a show of big brotherly support Emmett jumped up and strode across the cluttered bedroom floor.

Once he reached the door he paused and said over his broad shoulder, "I have faith in love, Edward. If it's meant to be, it will find a way. Trust it."

And with that unexpected grain of wisdom Emmett closed my door, leaving me gaping after him.

_Okay, who is he and what has he done with Emmett? _


	5. Chapter 5

**_Hi everyone! I apologize for the late update. I hurt my back and was flying pretty high on pain med's_. _Tee Hee. There's no way on God's green earth I would write while looped out of my mind... unless you want this story to turn into an episode of Scooby Doo? Zoinks!_**

**_Anyhoo, we left off with poor Bella in the middle of her father and mother's crumbling marriage. She's unable to deal with Charlie's growing violence and her mother's growing distance. Bella's truly on her own. While at work she finally get's an intriguing message from Edward, her long lost best friend, and possible love interest, saying that he misses her despite what she's been led to believe. She's desperate to go back to him where life makes sense... so she run's away with Renee's blessing._**

**_I hope Edward's chapter answered some question's. He's not a man whore in this fic, he's just a boy in love with his best friend, Bella, and has been emotionally adrift since she left. He has the potential to be anything he want's to be, but Bella hover's around him like a ghost, preventing him to live up to his true potential. _**

**_I'll try to update every weekend... that's if Real life doesn't kick my ass again._**

**_This is a split chapter, Bella's POV, then Edward's POV._**

**_Enjoy._**

* * *

**GOING HOME **

**CHAPTER 5**

**BPOV**

Cold rain was spiraling downward in fat droplets just over Seattle, the wind blowing chaotically in unpredictable gusts. Brilliant bolt's of lightning sporadically struck the world famous space needle, illuminating the night sky in eerie, multi-colored hue's. I was in awe of how it lit up the underside of the storm clouds, only to have it fade back into pitch darkness as quickly as it came. It reminded me of the blinding flash of a camera.

My mother's red Audi was pushing seventy five MPH down the I-5, blowing past every single speed limit sign without consideration to the wet roads. Insane, I know. Hydroplaning to my death before I even reached California was stupid in the extreme. But the need to put as much distance between me and my father was absolutely imperative.

I imagined Charlie's terrifying expression of outrage when he figures out what's going on...

What was happening at home right now? Was he interrogating Renee like a hostile witness? Is he pissed enough to involve his colleuge's? _Was_ there a fleet of angry state troopers patrolling for this very car? _Oh no!_ I quickly peeked in the rear-view mirror, scanning the lanes for flashing blue light's. I blew out a held breath, relieved to have found none.

What I really wanted to know was how much influence did Charlie still have back in Phoenix? Everyone's heard of Police favors, right? Fix a parking ticket, misplace evidence, make a problem disappear... _it all smacked heavily of the Mafia to me_… so I had to ask myself, was I walking straight into the arms of the enemy, like a lamb led to slaughter?

I gulped, wondering if all this effort was worth it?

_You had to try, Bella,_ I reminded myself, _before your relationship with Edward is permanently damaged_. _You know that. _

I had to agree with myself, but it was hard to be reasonable when you're faced with a mountain of obstacles. There was my parent's impending separation that loomed over my head like an ominous rain cloud; home was hardly an environment fit for mental health right now. Then there was completing High School and taking my SAT's. That was going to be stressful enough without all this uncertainty side-tracking me; it seems I'm going to have to be exceptionally responsible once I settle down, wherever that may be_._ Then there was applying for College while essentially broke and unemployed... I sighed, feeling a headache settle directly between my eye's. And now, to truly push my headache into a Migraine, I was homeless, a Nomad, wondering aimlessly until someone took pity on my sorry ass. I pursed my lips in a hard rigid line, chagrined at the entire situation.

_I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew._

I pulled out a cigarette to calm my nerves, my trembling fingers fumbling with the liter. I gazed at the smoldering ember in the blue glow of the dash, feeling a mixed bag of emotions; heart pounding fear, excitement, breathless anxiety, and relief, _oh_ the relief to _finally_ be going home.

Everything in my life had come down to this moment. It reminded me of balancing on the lip of a tall bridge with your arms out stretched, choosing whether or not to jump. Only difference here is that I have no bungee chord tied to my ankles. I was jumping head first into the unknown without a safety net, the consequences of my actions having yet to be defined.

By now the cigerette was nothing but a stub between my fingers, the nicotine making no impact on my frayed nerves. I threw the damned thing out the window, the wind and rain that rocked the car from side to side _whooshing_ into my face. I wiped the rain from my eye's with my jacket sleeve, sick to fucking death of this weather. I was so glad to be going back to a dryer, warmer, climate... the thought made me smile through my chattering teeth, reminding myself exactly what awaited me over the misty horizon of Washington.

Arizona... Edward and Alice... sunshine... home...

The mere thought of it entering my life again brought on a frisson of joy. I gasped at the foreign emotion as it took my body hostage. A uncharacteristic giggle bubbled to my lips.

_Geez,_ I reminded myself of the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes too big. _Pathetic._

In that moment I realized that I had to stop letting every insignificant thing muddle my thought's. It under-minded my determination. I made a promise to Edward a long time ago that I would come back to him, no matter what. I grimaced at the distant memory. The girl who made that promise was young and naive, unable to grasp the enormity of fifteen hundred miles. I wondered if Edward understood that? That I was making promises out of desperation. But in the end, a promise is a promise, especially between best friends. And if there was the slightest chance at salvaging Edward's affection for me, I would move hell itself just to make it happen.

I shook my head to clear it's foggy depths. My thought's were spinning out in every direction, u-turning back just to make the same circuit all over again. I needed to get a grip, breathe deeply, and focus on the wet road ahead. I was driving too damn fast to be scatter-brained.

I did everything I could to stay focused; sang along to the radio, turned the heat down just enough to make me uncomfortable, and read all the license plates for different states as they zoomed past. I saw Florida, Maine, and New York, amongst a sea of Washington and California plates. Around ten o'clock an annoying round of yawns began to plague me. My hooded eyes blinked sleepily at the brightly lit city rushing by, wishing the rain would let up so I could see it better; it was a watery vision beyond a curtain of horizontal rain. As focused as I was determined to stay, I was quickly meeting my limit. I yawned so hard that my eyes actually watered.

_Ugh!_ Nothing was worse than driving tired!

Caffeine, I need caffeine...

I kept my tired eyes peeled for the next available exit, staving off yawn after yawn. I growled into the dark car, annoyed with myself. I needed to track down the nearest convenient store that sold coffee, super sugary treats, and energy drinks. I imagine the outcome of that union would look something like a sober Charlie Sheen, _winning!_

As I was weaving in and out of traffic, desperately seeking a billboard advertising an all night Diner, it suddenly occurred to me that no one's tried to call me all night. I've been gone for a little over five hours, already halfway across this vast state. Charlie should know I'm missing by now. I rifled through my backpack and extracted my Blackberry. On closer inspection I realized the cell's battery was dead; _that would explain it._ I plugged the charger into the dash and the screen lit up immediately, alerting me of twelve missed calls. I bit my lip, afraid of retrieving the word vomit no doubt left by my furious father.

Once again I checked for flashing blue lights. Nope, nothing.

While pondering what he may have said, the phone rang in my hand, shrill and abrupt. I jumped, sharply jerking the car into the left hand lane_. Oh my God!_ Horn's blared and car's swerved out of my way. _Holy shit!_ I was going to cause an accident if I don't calm the hell down! I guided the car back into the right hand lane with my heart beating frantically against my rib's. I fumbled for the ringing phone and checked the incoming number. S_hit!_ It was home. My thumb hovered an inch over the Accept button, wondering whether or not to answer it. By the fifth ring my indecision sent Charlie or Renee to the voice box.

A wave of unbelievable relief ran through me. I would rather swallow nails and chew broken glass than face my father's wrath right now. I had a sinking feeling my avoidance merely pushed him to an all new level of livid.

The thought made my foot nudge the gas pedal harder.

I needed a distraction, so I cranked up the radio to an almost unbearable level. KYVT, Washington's Alt/Rock station, was playing Radiohead's new song, Lotus Flower; great song, great video, but I needed something a bit less surreal right now. I needed something hard hitting, something that demands my attention... like Metallica, or Rage Against the Machine.

I remembered Renee's CD collection in the compartment below the driver's seat. Rifling through it, I found a pitiful collection of eighties and nineties junk; Lionel Ritchie, Michael Bolton, Paula Cole, Jewel... I shuddered in horror. As I put the painfully bad music back, something became dislodged in the back of the compartment; a rattle of pills pricked at my ears. I reached in further and wrapped my hand around a pill bottle, bringing it up to my face for closer inspection. It read; Ativan. I quirked a brow, wondering what my mother was doing hiding medication in her car? The prescription was from Dr. Snow, the towns physician. The date read, June 19th… _today!_ A sudden revelation slammed into me. That must have been where she was going when I left for work! She isn't having an affair like Charlie suspected, she was sick...

I set the prescription bottle in the cradle between the seats, glowering at the road in worried thought. I needed to talk to Renee and make sure she was alright.

Maybe I shouldn't have left her behind. Not when Charlie was sure to turn violent because of me.

Just then the phone rang, as if answering my desire to talk to my mother.

I snatched it up and hit Accept without checking the number. "Mom," I gasped.

_"Isabella!"_ my father barked.

"Oh, shit!" I dropped the phone like it electrocuted me.

I quickly fumbled with it until it was pressed back at my ear. Charlie was already in full swing. "... of all the selfish, immature stunt's to pull, running away like a sulky eight year old!" He growled in frustration, pacing, from the sound of it. "You better get your ass back here before I call in reinforcements! Do you hear me, young lady? I'll have you arrested so fast it'll make your head spin!"

"Arrested? Arrested for what?"

"Grand Theft Auto."

I balked and cried, "Grand Theft Auto? But you can't do that!"

"You don't seem to grasp that I'm the Chief of Police, do you?" I snorted quietly to myself, wondering if there was ever a day I saw him as anything else. "I have an entire Police force at my fingertips, Isabella. So go ahead, test my authority... I dare you..."

_Holy crow!_ It was like having Darth Vadar for a parent.

"Come home, Isabella, before this escalates into something ugly." The subtle hint that he was about to go ape-shit on my ass did not go unnoticed. I worried my bottom lip into a chapped, bloody mess.

_Come home or be arrested_.

I set my options on an imaginary scale, weighing them in a blind panic. I tipped my parent's heavy baggage onto the scale. The weight of it slammed down like a cinder block. On the other side of the scale was Alice, and all the sunshine, warmth, and love she had to offer. Alice's side of the scale was feather light and unburdened. Yes, I think the scales tipped quite nicely in Alice's favor... in spite of my impending arrest.

I took a deep breath and said, "I'm not coming back to Forks, even if you arrest me. I'll just leave again as soon as I can. So let me go now, when I have the summer to situate my school records and get a job to buy a new car." I paused, remembering I had my mother's blessing. That had to count for something, right? "Besides, I've already talked to mom about this and she said it was alright."

"I don't care if you asked the Pope for permission. _I'm_ saying no!"

"But mom..."

"... isn't the one with the badge, Isabella," he impatiently interrupted. "She should never have made a decision like this without my input."

"But mom said... "

_"Isabella,"_ he positively roared into my ear. "Enough about your mother! It doesn't matter what she said!"

"What do you mean, it doesn't matter what she say's?" I demanded. "Do you even hear yourself when you say things like that?"

"Just stop arguing and come home! It's getting late, so if you turn around now you can be back by 3 A.M."

"No, Charlie!" I snapped. "I'm not going back to Forks! I'm returning to Phoenix!"

"Like_ hell_ you are!"

"_Yes_ I am!" I shouted into the phone. "I hate Forks, don't you get it? I am _not_ going back to the rain, and the mud, and the _fighting_! I've had front row seats to your abuse, Charlie, for three goddamn years, and I can't take it anymore! You've turned my mother into a lifeless Pod Person who cowers at your every glance, and I will _not_ become like her!_" _

He hissed like an angry snake. "And you think it's been a picnic raising a awkward little shit like you?" I gaped at the road ahead, aghast that he would say such a thing. "I've had to defend your questionable honor since we've moved into Forks; waving off rumors of drinking, smoking, drugs... _pregnancy_ even." I sputtered in horror. _"_Oh yes, the boy's in town _rave_ about what a _whore_ you are. It makes me sick!" I felt nausea's, my stomach rolling unevenly." How do you think it makes me look, Isabella? The Chief of Police's daughter, a royal fuck up!" I gasped, his insults knocking the wind from my lungs. I couldn't breathe. "And you wonder why you can't find new friends..."

Angry tears glided down my cheeks and my hands trembled around the steering wheel. He somehow managed to hit every single insecurity I have about myself; my self worth, my awkwardness, my fragile emotional state, Edward and Alice. And the one thing a virgin like myself never worries about, being called a whore. I just couldn't believe my ears. The boy's at school... the one's I avoided dating and turned down a hundred times... managed to inflict damage with their locker room talk. I laughed at it before, knowing it wasn't true... but my dad believed them. That stung more than their accusations.

"You're an Asshole, do you know that," I gasped into the phone. "An insensitive prick."

"Maybe I am," he said unconcerned. "But someone needs to lay it out for you, Bella. Now I'm giving you one more chance to turn around and come home, before your decision becomes a permanent one."

"A permanent one?" I asked breathlessly, my brain spinning in dizzy loop-d-loop's.

"If you don't come home right this second, you're not welcome back."

"What?" I gasped incredulously, his distant punches coming more swiftly now.

"You heard what I said. If you don't do as I say, you are no longer welcome to live under my roof. Simple. It's your choice; it's your family, or the _Cullen's._"

I couldn't believe my ears!

"You would throw me out like the garbage, just because I'm choosing to go back to Phoenix?"

"Wrong," he corrected. "Your not going back to Phoenix. Your going back to the Cullen's. Big difference, Bella."

My dark brows knit together in confusion. "So this is about the Cullen's after all?"

"No, this is about you, crawling back to a family that isn't your own," he sounded weary. "You don't even know if their going to take you in. Why would they? Your not one of them. You never were." It was amazing how he can twist that knife until it pierced my beating heart.

The wounds he inflicted tonight were throbbing infectiously, oozing until it filled my body with doubt and self loathing. Was he right, though? Did I talk myself into believeing that Esme and Carlisle considered me one of their own? Were Esme's hug's and warm motherly smile's just pity? Was Carlisle's enthusiasm fake, was he humoring me all those years ago when we would play card's and laugh at an episode of Cop's together? Secretly I always felt we we're laughing at Charlie's expense... but now... ?

"Take it or leave it, Isabella," he said, breaking the silence. "Either you come back to Forks, to your mother and I, or you can _crawl_ the Cullen's. I suggest you think this over carefully, because there's no turning back once you hang up that phone."

My brain was the consistency of pudding at this point, so I concentrated really hard while I tried to decide what to do. _Go home or be arrested. And now, kicked out for good measure. _Gee, he was a generous man.

It was then that I suddenly realized what was going on here. With the force of a frying pan to the face, I saw the entire situation from an outsiders perspective. My father was using the same tactics that he uses on Renee; Belittling, humiliating, brow beating... He was already doing to me what he does to mom! _Man_, was he good! No wonder Renee took medication. But I'll be damned before I let him abuse me like he does her! I was a fucking bitch for a reason, and this jerk wasn't going to soon forget it!

"Do you know what burns me," I said, catching him off guard. He was expecting me to beg for mercy, not fight back. "… the way you expect everyone to obey you, like pawns in a game of chess. Well this bitch isn't your's to play with, dad. I have a mind of my own, and you will not control me, _ever!"_

"Is that a no?" he asked.

"Look at that," I taunted sarcastically. "for once, _you_ listened to _me."_

"Then I expect your mother's Audi back within the month." I heard my mother faintly in the background; _she can keep the car, Charlie__._ "No, it isn't your car to give. The loan is under my name."

I huffed, disgusted. "She's your wife, not your property."

"Not that it's any of your business," he said dryly.

"My mother is my business," I retorted acerbically. "And I will always treat her with respect, as should you." He didn't respond. "I just figured someone should lay that out for you." I love turning his own words on him like that.

"So, I guess this is goodbye, then?"

"Yep, I suppose so."

"God luck, Isabella," he said gruffly.

"Good bye, dad."

And that was that. Our tie's where effectively severed.

I pressed the end button and threw the Blackberry across the dash, angry tears obscuring my vision. I blinked them back furiously, pissed that I was crying any sort of lament over this man.

_Isn't this what I wanted_, I asked myself. _Freedom_?

Yes, but it especially hurt that he treated this life altering decision between us like a business transaction, like my life was something to be bargained with. I was his daughter for fuck sake, not a goddamn subservient!

I really, truly, hated his guts. I thought I did before, but this was different. He insulted me in every possible way tonight, including attacking my sexuality. That was the lowest of low blows... even for Charlie.

I had but one regret from that conversation; I left my father seething, which meant one thing... behind me, about two hundred miles or so, Renee was getting the brute force of his temper. And this time, I wasn't there to step in and divert his attention. I glanced up at the storming heavens in all it's illuminated splendor, and prayed that if there was a God who truly did watch over us, I hoped he was paying special attention to Renee tonight, because I was pretty sure I just nudged Charlie into an irreversible rage.

* * *

**EPOV **

I joined my family for dinner fifteen minutes late thanks to Emmett's snooping around. Once he was through examining my room I sped through a shower, trying to wash away the day's worth of filth and grim. I dried off in a flurry of fabric and dressed just as quickly, which isn't recommended when your sliding around on a floor slick with condensation.

I was still tugging on my t-shirt and sweat pants when I entered the dining room.

Everyone was seated around the table eating mom's spaghetti; my stomach growled at the delicious scent of tomatoes and garlic. My family was talking in low polite tones, ignorant of my dishevelled presence. I limped forward lethargically thanks to the painful bruise on my shin and made sure to keep my right arm pinned tight to my side, seeing as it protests every time I move it. I was worried dad would get needle happy again and I certainly couldn't stand my mother's disapproving glances as he administered the injection. She had a running argument that spanned out over a decade about getting arthritis in my shoulder from all the repetitive throwing. I was eighteen, so in baseball years that meant I was still young enough to physically bounce back. She didn't consider that a viable argument. Neither did dad for that matter.

Admittedly, today was about as bad as they get for me. I had zero right to be angry with Alice; she was just trying to be a good sister by celebrating my birthday. It wasn't her fault I was a head-case. And Emmett... I smirked at my clueless brother from across the room. He was inhaling his food like a vaccume cleaner. He has no idea the chaos he just unleashed in my head from our little talk. Apparently he believes that I'm in love with Bella, and after some consideration on my part, I have to agree. Any one less mental than me would have been ecstatic at this realization... but not me. As I predicted, the knowledge that I was in love with her made being apart absolutely unbearable. I wanted to rush to her old bedroom window next door like Marlon Brando in Street Car Named Desire, clutch my hair, and shout; _Bellaaaaa! _Then I remembered she was gone, and the knowledge mangled my heart just a little bit more than before.

Mom and dad paused their conversation to take in my face as I slid into my seat. I hate when they do that! It makes me feel like their waiting for me to snap or something. I tried to relax my face into a neutral mask I perfected over the last three years.

"Have a good game, son?" dad asked cautiously.

I inwardly sighed. "I guess. We won six to three."

Dad's blond brows pulled together, scrutinizing my indifferent expression. "What's wrong? Why are you making that face?"

My mask melted away, revealing the chagrin beneath. "I beaned someone with a fast ball today."

"Oh my god," mom cried.

"It's about time!" Emmett crowed approvingly. "I've been telling you for years to do that! Get inside their heads, you know what I mean?"

"Emmett Cullen!" Mom chastised.

"What? What I say?" He blinked innocently at her outrage. It was quite funny.

"Purposely hitting someone is a horrible thing to do! How can you give your brother such bad advice?"

"Sport's is 99% psychological, and 1% skill," he explained matter of factly. "You have to work with what you have, and it just so happens that Edward's arm is weapon." He shrugged. "Why not utilize it?"

She opened her mouth to retort, but I beat her to the punch. "I didn't do it on purpose, mom."

"Oh, thank, goodness for that." She sagged in relief, throwing Em a disapproving look.

"Is he okay, though?" dad asked me. "Did they check for a concussion?"

I shook my head, twirling spaghetti around my fork. "I hit his ribs, not his head." My father nodded bleakly, his forehead wrinkling with worry. Knowing him he'd probably call that kid's parent's and offer his apologies.

"So, have any plans this weekend?" mom asked in general. I think she was trying to defuse the tension I brought with me. I frowned at that fact.

"Rose and I are going to the movies," Em answered around a mouth full of food. "She wants to see some chick-flick about Watering Elephant's or something." Mom corrected him, describing the book's synopsis, claiming it was a good read. Emmett grimaced. "Whatever. As long as she let's me choose the after-movie activity." He wiggled his brows suggestively.

"_Really_, Emmett!" mom hissed. I chuckled into my glass of milk, blowing snort bubbles.

"And you?" mom asked, looking pointedly at me. "What are you doing this weekend?"

I wiped my milk mustache onto a napkin, about to deliver my standard _dateless again_ speech, when Alice stole my attention by giggling. I glanced over at her in surprise; she's been so unusually quiet and still that I didn't even notice her; which is out of the ordinary, believe me. Usually she unloads her excitement on us during dinner. I realized in shock that she was trying to hide her excitement from us, only breaking her control to peek up at me from time to time. It was like she was telling me something.

"Um..." I said, blinking at my sister. "Nothing special, I guess. Just lounging around, reading by the pool..."

Alice giggled again, peeking up at me with a gleam in her dark eye's. I frowned in answer; _what's wrong with you?_ She raised an eyebrow back; _wouldn't you like to know_.

Apparently we we're having a silent conversation of some sorts. She looked back down at her plate and snickered, her thin shoulders shaking from holding in her excited energy. She continued to smile into her plate of food and periodically checking her phone beneath the table. I leaned back and saw the screen was lit up... she had it on silent mode. She'd peek up at me and type out a quick message, smiling conspiratorially.

_What the hell?_

Mom and dad looked between us with their brows pulled together.

"How's Seth doing?" mom asked, glancing between Alice and I in confusion.

I reluctantly dragged my eyes from Alice and said, "Good. He's, um... been working a lot, and final's were brutal, so..."

"Oh," mom nodded at my lame explanation.

"We have practice this Saturday if you want to come. You can stop by and say hello to him. I'm sure he'd like seeing you."

Mom's hazel eyes lit up and she smiled. It was the first true smile she's worn all night. "Sure, honey. That sounds great. Thanks."

I chuckled at her reaction. I didn't like that my mom stresses over me. I learned that when Bella left, leaving Alice and I reeling, she was upset over Renee's leaving, too. For a long time I couldn't understand why she stopped growing her blue ribbon roses, then it hit me, it was something she and Renee did together.

"Can I come with?" Alice asked, popping a forkful of pasta in her mouth.

I frowned. "You and Jazz aren't going out?"

"Nope. Not that I'm aware of."

I know she was lying, because she and Jazz go out every weekend. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. She looked so innocent and angelically sweet sitting there... but I knew it was all smoke and screen. I'm no fool. She has to be up to something outside of my birthday bash. She already conquered that, the pursuit was over. So what's going on, here? What could she possibly find interesting about a team practice? It was guaranteed to be hot, boring, and grueling... well, for me, anyway. Coach Dwyer promised to make us hurt this Saturday. What could possibly hold her interest at the field?

"I think I can make it, too," Emmett perked up. "That's if I can get out of work early enough."

"Great!" Alice beamed, looking positively energetic. "Dad?" Alice prodded. "Do you want to meet us all at the field?"

Okay, this was officially ridiculous. "Guy's you don't have to..."

"Hush!" Alice snapped at me. I sat back, blinking at her.

"Dad?" she asked again. "You wanna join us at the field. It'll be fun."

Dad looked up at everyone distractedly. He had been off in his own thought's, quietly chewing. He notice us all watching him, and swallowed. "I'm sorry," he wiped his mouth on a napkin. "I think I can make it, sweetheart. That's if nothing goes wrong during surgery." He scowled.

The subject of his new surgical technique for his heart patients grabbed mom's attention. This gave me time to pierce Alice with one of my looks. It was my,_ I know your up to something,_ look. She sweetly smiled back, batting her dark lashes, and giggled.

And just like that, she planted the seed of paranoia in my mind.

I managed to finish dinner, grab a frozen bag of pea's from the freezer for my sore shoulder, and run up to my room without any more incidents involving family members. I shut the door behind me, locked it for good measure, and stretched out on my unmade bed, sighing in relief. My head was buzzing like a bee hive, full of thought's and face's and conversations. They we're each fighting to occupy my frontal lobe... and at the moment, Alice was winning.

I tossed and turned all night. When I did manage to sleep my dream's where plagued with Alice whispering secret's to a faceless person that I was suspicious of. They would look at me and laugh, than whisper some more behind their hands. It was extremely annoying.

I woke bleary eyed on Friday morning with the strangest intuition, like something important was taking place before my incredulous eyes. And as Friday rolled into Saturday, the feeling only grew stronger. It tingled all over my body, just below the skin in tiny explosions of electricity. Even the hair on my arms and legs had a major case of static electricity; everything I touched shocked me!

All day long I tried to catch Alice so I could ease this torture. I called her cell, left several colorful messages demanding an explanation, and texted till my thumbs were numb. As a last resort I called Jasper. He hadn't seen her either, telling me he was looking for her as well. We hung up more perplexed than before we called. She was avoiding me and Jasper both. What was she up to?

I waited for her on the couch in the living room until Conan OBrian ran onto the stage to deliver his monolouge. But my heavy eyelid's won the battle and I dragged myself reluctantly up the stairs to try a sleep... Alice, one - Me, zip.

I woke up the next morning more exhausted than when I fell asleep. With a groan I rolled out of bed and slouched off to the bathroom. I leaned into the mirror and took a good look at myself. I looked like a stoner with the bloodshot eye's and drawn face. And the hair, ugh! Don't even get me started on that disaster. I used to have normal brown hair, but over the last few years it changed to an auburn-bronze color that refused to lie down. Alice said it was called sex hair, but seeing as I a virgin, I called it troll doll hair.

After a few minutes of staring bleakly into my own reflection I decided to go for a morning run. The exercise would do me a world of good. I dressed in a sleeveless white Nike t-shirt, a pair of black cotton shorts, and my grungy old running shoes. I secured my ipod to the athletic band strapped around my bicep and popped in my ear bud's.

I strolled sluggishly to to the kitchen, the smell of fresh coffee pulling me forward. _Mmm..._

"Son," dad said in surprise. He was standing beside the sink dressed for work. "Your up extra early."

He checked his watch. "It's only six thirty."

I harrumphed and grabbed a mug from the cupboard, methodically mixing myself a cup of coffee. I enjoyed the routine of it. Dad was watching me closely and chuckled.

"What?" I croaked.

He shook his head. "I sometimes forget that your all grown up." He gestured to the steaming mug in my hand. "I still remember the fight's you got into with Emmett over Juicy Juice."

I smiled. "Yeah, Em was a juice theif, wasn't he." We both laughed while sipping on our coffee.

"Nervous about the surgery today?" I observed.

He quirked a blond brow. "How did you know?"

"You keep adjusting your tie," I pointed. He looked down, genuinely surprised to have found the gray silk fabric between his fingers.

He smoothed it out, annoyed. "My heart patient is only six year's old."

My tired eyes popped wide. "Oh wow."

"Yeah, wow," he exhaled nervously.

I couldn't image holding the life of someone so young in the palm of my hand's. To feel their hot blood pulse between my fingers as I cut into their beating heart... _ugh,_ I shuddered at the responsibility he must feel.

He drained the last dregs of his coffee and tossed it in the dish washer. "I'll see you at the field this afternoon, okay?" I half hugged him, wishing him good luck.

I watched him drive away in his Black Lexus as I finished my own coffee in two guzzles. After depositing my mug in the sink I adjusted my iPod to the Foo Fighters, My Hero... very fitting for what dad was about to do for that little kid... and took off on my familiar route.

I spotted Alices red convertible on the way by. She must have gotten home well after midnight. This whole thing with her set my teeth on egde. I mean, she's usually up to no good, right? So why does this time feel different?

I thought about that as I ran. What was setting off my Spidey senses? It took a few blocks and a busy intersection to come to any sort of conclusion... _The twinkle in her eye_, I realized. The last time she looked all smiley and giggly like that was when Bella was around. I paused mid-stride.

"No," I panted, staring wide eyed at stray cat on a stoop. "It's impossible." The cat meowed in agreement.

Jasper makes her glow in a different way, I thought. All flushed and flirty, like. But the last two day's Alice's behavior has definitely been Bella induced. I used to call it the best-friend giggles. When those two got together it was like an estrogen free-for-all.

"But Bella isn't here anymore," I said firmly, almost demanding. I fought back the hope that threatened to fill me up. I beat it back, swallowing it down with the the bitter after taste of coffee. I just couldn't afford to hope; it would take away the little stability I own. Now that I've labeled my feelings for Bella I couldn't let an impossibility, like her coming back, plant it's roots in my mind. The damage from that disappointment would insurmountable.

I started running again, though with an awkward gait, now that my body and mind were out of sync.

I decided as I ran that Alice's weirdness was about my birthday bash. It has to be. That's the only thing that makes sense. I was going to show up at practice and everyone will shout _surprise..._ that has to be it... _right_? But something bone deep was urging me to believe what I knew to be true; Alice was in cahoots with Bella... and it has to do with today's practice.

My entire being was locking down, preparing for the impact of what today will bring.

"I hate my birthday," I muttered to myself.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone. I apologize for the late update. It's been a very sad and insane month for me. My Nana passed away a few days ago and I've been busy running around like a headless chicken, dealing with hospitals, funeral homes, hysterical family members…

So thank you for being patient. Well, except maybe for, im-a-bitch-i-luv-it. LOL! Put the torch and pitch fork away, okay? No need to harm the author.

* * *

**GOING HOME**

**CHAPTER 6**

**BPOV**

**AC: U should see Edwards face! It's hilarious! X)**

**BS: R U gonna tell him I'm coming or not?**

**AC: Absolutely not! This is the most fun I've had in 3 years. Don't piss in my Wheaties Bella.**

**BS: *rolling eyes* I'm mostly concerned he'll have a heart attack when I show up.**

**AC: Trust me, it's just the kick in the ass he needs. Oops, gotta go, Edwards turning purple with fury. I have to say, it's really not his color. LOL!**

**BS: Al, please try to ease up a bit. I'd like to get there before he murders u.**

**AC: *gasp* U doubt my ability to control the situation? I'm truly offended. **

**BS: Here's a tissue… blow. **

**AC: Hardy-Har. Call me later, K? **

**BS: Will do. **

I punched the end button and shook my head. I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified that I brought out this level of cunning in her. She was having entirely too much fun at Edward's expense, I thought. He was either going to duck-tape her mouth shut, or run head first into on-coming traffic, screaming the whole way…

Actually, it was rather hilarious.

I couldn't help but grin about it… then giggle… then throw my head back and laugh_._

_Poor, Edward_.

From the sound of it she had him so flustered his head was spinning. I laughed so hard I was breathless, tears streaming from my eyes. I imagine my hysteria stemmed from all this uncertainty and fear, fear of making irreversible mistakes, mistakes that I can never recover from. I was walking a fine line between success and failure and I had no idea which way I would end up falling. Charlie left me absolutely no wiggle room to fail, here. He had essentially stolen everything that was precious to me, from my friends, to my mother's sanity, all the way to my dignity. And now he's refusing my birthright… a home. He's stripped me bare and left me exposed, like a fruit baring tree picked over until nothing was left but the rotten, bruised, droppings. That's how I saw myself, soiled and broken, with nothing left but my own stubborn pride to keep me going. It wasn't a pretty picture.

The thought of being homeless and alone should have scared me to death, but I was too numb with sleep deprivation to feel the full impact. After Charlie's verbal assault I drove straight through Washington without a single break, refusing to stay one more day in this godforsaken state. I raised my middle (and most used) finger to the state's official sign as I rushed past the border, laughing manically like an evil scientist; _Mwahahahaha…_

I was ushered into this state against my will, and now I was leaving it on my own terms. So fuck-off and so-long Washington; it was horrible meeting you… _Bella, out._

Now I was somewhere in southern Oregon, a few miles from the border of California. The scenery hadn't changed much unfortunately. The sky was still clouded over with a thick quilt of grey clouds and the dense forest still dominated the northwest… but it didn't rain as much, which was a freaking miracle in itself, believe me. I haven't been this dry in three years!

Inside I was screaming in anticipation at being so close to the Golden State, but I was so damn tired that my body sagged in the driver's seat, liquefied in its exhaustion. I squinted blurrily at an approaching rest stop and decided that I had no choice but to pull in. I was just too exhausted to go on without some sort of nap; twenty six hours of driving nonstop will do that to a person.

The pearl-gray, incandescent, sky above was getting darker now, making it almost impossible to see the moon through the ever rolling clouds. I snapped on the headlights and drove down the exit ramp into a dark parking lot full of weary travelers and humungous RV's_. _I drove around until I found a nice secluded area near the farthest corner of the parking lot; the Audi easily melted into the misty shadows of the woods edge. Once again I'm demonstrating my need to be invisible. Would I ever get over that?

I sat in the driver's seat for a long moment, staring blankly into the dense brush; the high beams wern't strong enough to penetrate the thick vegetation in front of me. It was a thick wall of leaves and twigs. It should have unnerved me but I was too tired to care.

It felt so good to just sit there and not worry about navigating the confusing artery-like roads of America. It was all connected, but so freaking confusing; one sign says north yet you're going south… _ugh!_ I wanted to just curl up the back seat and sleep for hours, let it all go for now… but I couldn't because I had some pressing issues to taking care of first… like my bursting bladder and growling stomach.

When I climbed out of the car my legs wobbled beneath me like a Gelatin mold. I caught the door and hung on for dear life, feeling ridiculous and irritated. Once circulation returned I managed to slog my way to the disgusting public bathroom. There was a throng of women and children in a long-ass line ahead of me. I casually crossed my legs and prayed to God I wouldn't have any embarrassing leakage. Inside I was cringing at the thought of sharing a toilet with a thousand total strangers, but I used it gratefully once I got there, biting back a moan of relief.

On my way out I bought a bag of Doritos and a Mountain Dew from a vending machine. I noticed a busy Diner/gift shop on the way back to the car and practically salivated over the cheeseburger and French fry advertisements. My stomach snarled and protested to go in, but I rushed past with my head down and fist clenched around my bag of chips. The fragrance wafting through the entrance was almost enough to call me back; I was starving for a real meal but was unwilling to waste time eating… not after Charlie's warning. He may have said he was cutting me loose but I knew him well enough to expect some sort of retaliation. I bruised his swollen ego and he wouldn't forgive so easily.

I sat on the hood of the car scarfing down my food and guzzling down the Mountain Dew with wild abandon; I'm sure my lips were orange from the artificial cheese. I wondered as I chewed just how much longer it would take to get to Scottsdale? I told Alice possibly by tomorrow afternoon, but I'm guessing I may have been a bit optimistic in that estimate. If I keep having to stop to take stupid little cat naps like this I won't be in Phoenix for another three days. _Damn!_ I really wanted to be there for Edward's birthday, too! The tattoo on my back meant that much more by showing it to him, to prove that I've never forgotten him, that I loved him… and possibly a little more than I cared to admit right now.

My heart throbbed at the thought of him, a tired smile gracing my lips_… He says he misses me_, I thought. Well, he won't have to for much longer. I dusted off my hands and slid off the car's hood with renewed determination.

I stood before the driver's side door, sighing at the inevitable. I had no choice but to climb back in; I couldn't very well sleep on the picnic table like a hobo could I? I climbed back inside and locked the doors behind me. It was pitch-dark without the glow of the dashboard; the darkness seemed to swallow me whole. I glanced out the window for a source of light and noticed a lot of men milling around beneath a lamp post, pacing back and forth, smoking cigarettes and talking on their phones. They looked restless. I was suddenly second guessing my plan to sleep in the car. I was all alone and unprotected. My best defense at this point would be the tire iron in the trunk and my long fingernails. I knew it wasn't enough to ward off a horny male if that were his intent, so I told my subconsious to shut the hell up. Who asked her anyway?

I grimaced at my stupidity. _This was a bad idea…_

It felt like seconds later when a persistent knocking pulled me from a meaningless dream. One second I was chasing shadowy figures in the misty woods, and the next I was blinking into the cold darkness, panting and confused. Realization slowly sank in and I sat bolt upright in terror_. Holy shit!_ I had absolutely no memory of falling asleep whatsoever.

A heavy fisted stranger knocked on the window again, pulling a horse scream from me. My heart relocated into my dry throat and I scrambled into the passenger seat, trembling against the door. I was completely disoriented.

_Where the hell am I? How did I end up in my mother's car? What day is it? And who the hell is trying to get in the car with me? Mace, I needed Mace!_

"Ma'am," a man said urgently through the glass. "I'm a Police Officer. Open your window."

It was too dark to tell if he was telling the truth or not. I didn't know what to do.

As we stared wide eyed at each other the distant echoing memory of my father's warning settled into my waking brain_: I'll call in reinforcements, Isabella. So go ahead, test me… I dare you. _

_He did it! He called in a fucking favor!_

I slowly stuck the key in the ignition and the dash came to life, glowing electric blue and orange. I pressed the window button hesitantly. A young, clean cut, Officer bent down so we were face to face, but before I could get a good look at him he flashed his light into my sensitive eyes, practically blinding me. I recoiled and hissed.

"Have you had anything to drink tonight, ma'am?"

"Drinking?" I asked while shading my eyes.

"Yes, drinking."

"No, I haven't."_ Now take that fucking flashlight out of my eyes or I'll shove it up your ass! _"I've been driving since yesterday and needed to pull over and rest."

He looked like he was deliberating my trust-worthiness. I didn't wreak of alcohol or slur for Christ sake. I was just tired.

"Well, I saw your car and wanted to make sure you were okay, ma'am. It's extremely unsafe to sleep in a rest stop this late at night. You know that, right?"

I nodded, going slightly red in his spotlight. "I was just too tired to keep going."

"Where are you headed anyway?"

"Phoenix_." _

"Phoenix?" he said, suspicion returning. "That's pretty far to drive for someone so young." _No shit, Sherlock_. I said nothing because it was none of his damn business.

"Can I see your license and registration please?" My heart sank. This was it. He was going to call it in and someone would let Charlie know exactly where I was. I was screwed.

I rummaged around for Renee's registration and yanked my license out of my wallet. On the way back to the window I noticed mom's prescription bottle resting out in the open_. Oh shit! _My heart relocated into my throat. I made sure not to tip him off by drawing his attention to it, so I handed my information to him calmly, resisting the urge to cover it with my forearm_. _

He pointed his flash light at my information and nodded. "Alright, Miss Swan, I'll have this back in a jiff."

I watched him stroll back to his patrol car just as Charlie had a zillion times before. While he was calling in my information I chucked Renee's pills back in the compartment below the seat then fumbled for my phone. I decided to fire off a text to Alice ASAP.

**BS: Al, I may be held up. I'm at a rest stop being checked out by the Cops. If U don't hear from me for a few days, U know why. **

I was surprised when the phone chirped so quickly after I sent the message.

**AC: What the hell did U do?**

I scoffed, insulted.

**BS: Nothing! I was just sleeping at a rest stop. **

**AC: Bella, that's so dangerous! There are muggers, rapists, thugs…**

I jumped when the Officer wrapped his knuckles on my window. I promptly dropped the phone in the passenger seat, ignoring Alice's incoming texts.

"Everything checks out, Miss." He handed back my license and registration. I was bracing for the arrest. "Just be more careful where you sleep, alright? This area's had a lot of bear sightings and you're parked so close to the woods edge. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." Wait a minute… he didn't arrest me?

I narrowed my eyes and said, "So I can go?"

He smiled. "The sooner the better, Miss. Those Grizzlies are ruthless when their hungry." My eyes widened and slid automatically to the misty forest just ten feet from my bumper. _And I sat on the hood like a freaking appetizer! _The sooner I get away from nature the better.

"Thanks," I said sincerely, snapping in my seatbelt. He slapped the roof of the car twice and walked off into the night.

Without second thought I took off before he changed his mind.

As I sped off down the highway I made sure the cop didn't follow. I blew out a breath and relaxed into my bucket seat. _That was too close a call._ I swore to myself that this is the last time I _ever_ pull over at a goddamn rest stop ever again! I don't care if my bladder is about to burst, I'm driving straight to Phoenix without stopping... well, except for gas.

I glanced at the clock radio to get my bearings; 10:45 pm. My eyes bugged out of my head. I slept for three freaking hours? What the hell? I only meant to sleep for one_. __Geez!_ Talk about a major waste of time.

I picked up the phone to text Alice when it rang in my hand. I sighed and hit accept.

"Hello, Alice," I said dully.

"Oh, thank God!" she said in relief. "So you weren't arrested?"

"Obviously…"

"Bella Swan," she hissed. "If you ever do that to me again..."

"Calm down, Al. He wasn't one of Charlie's lackeys after all. He only pulled me over because I was suspiciously passed out in the front seat."

I snorted. "Good thing I left the booze back in Forks, huh?"

"Bella, you act like this isn't a big deal!"

"He let me go didn't he?"

"That's not the point!" she cried. "If you need to sleep, rent a motel room!"

"I was just too tired to keep driving," I admitted. I still can't believe I wasted three hours of drive time snoring in the front seat. In a weird way that cop was a blessing in disguise.

"Sheesh," she continued, still irate. "Don't you watch the news? There was this story last week about a truck stop in Texas where prostitute's where being raped and murdered! They found their bodies chopped up in little bits along the highway."

"Well, thanks for slotting me in with street walkers, Al," I joked in poor taste.

"This isn't funny, Swan," she growled. "I'm serious."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it was a bad idea, I get it." _Jesus_, I breathed.

She was quiet for a minute, controlling her temper.

"Look, I'm sorry," she said. "I don't mean to talk down to you the way Charlie does. I just don't want you to take stupid risks that will take you away from me again… I couldn't stand it."

My icy irritation instantly melted.

"Al," I said warmly. "I'm doing my best to get there, I swear it."

"Good," she breathed. "I'd be awfully disappointed if I had no Bella for Edward's party tomorrow. You're kind of the main attraction you know."

I smiled, feeling the first fluttering's of nervous butterflies in my stomach. "So he actually agreed to a party then?"

"Yep," she said proudly. "It only took a bit of bribery on my part, but I achieved my goal."

I chuckled. "Al, you do realize I'm going to need a shower once I get there, the moist towelettes aren't cutting it."

"Ew…"

"Could you at least bring me a hair brush and some deodorant? An unwrinkled shirt maybe?"

"Don't worry about it. I've got your back. I'm going shopping for you tomorrow morning with Rose anyway." Her tone turned teasing. "You're going to need a party dress if I'm not mistaken."

"I am, am I?" I grinned.

"Mhmm… What's your size?"

"I brought clothes, Alice, you don't have to… "

"Just tell me your size, Swan, or I'm going to buy you something hideously preppy."

I cringed at the thought of me in a polo shirt and khakis.

"Fine," I sighed. "I'm a size 6."

"Alrighty…" She sounded distracted, like she was writing this down. "And height?"

"Five ten."

_Christ,_ she breathed. "Now I have to completely refigure your wardrobe."

"Wardrobe," I said incredulously. "But you said a party dress, not a whole goddamn wardrobe…"

"Oops, gotta go."

"Alice!" I shouted into the phone. "Alice, answer me! I can't pay you back for a whole wardrobe! Alice?"

The line was dead.

I held the phone out and gaped at it. "She fucking hung up on me!"

I scoffed and threw it in the seat next to me. It bounced back, glancing off my forehead with a loud _thwack._

"_Owwww_," I whined, rubbing the egg already forming above my eyebrow.

And that's how the rest of my trip went.

I denied my exhaustion, dealt with Alice's antagonistic scheming, and grew more and more excited as pine tree's turned to palm trees, and mud turned to beachy sand. But most importantly, the ever pearly gray clouds of the northwest turned into clear blue skies...

_The sun…_

I was somewhere in Sacramento when the sun finally crested over the horizon. I watched in awe as the fiery orb slowly rose from the east, its brilliant light rushing across the land toward me. I blinked in admiration as it painted the land with vibrant colors; emerald greens, royal blues, buttery yellows, ruby reds… _oh, it was beautiful! _It illuminated the land before me like an inspiring painting inside a gilt frame… and then it happened, its ever blazing light clashed with me like two long lost lovers, reuniting. I gasped at the impact, reveling in our overdue embrace. The suns warmth wrapped around my cold body like a baby wrapped in a soft fleece blanket. It smoothed its feathery fingers down my cheekbones and along my jawline, re-memorizing the contours of my pale face. I closed my eyes and sighed in contentment.

As the miles dropped off behind me I began to see signs of home; the sandy dirt of California turned a volcanic red and the low desert mountains stretched on and on until they disappeared into a wavy mirage of heat. I glanced excitedly into the cloudless atmosphere, spotting birds of prey circling something that I couldn't see in the distance; hopefully it wasn't a human being.

It was incredibly reassuring to be back here, because this is what I know, what I grew up understanding. Dry, spars, vegetation was the norm. Not squashy green algae and towering pine trees in a turbulent echo system of rain, rain, and more rain. I was used to it raining only three times a year and could withstand the intense heat. So being thrown into the Olympic Peninsula the way I was, unprepared, was an incredible shock to my system. And now I have to reverse it all over again.

The further I drove into the desert, the more intense the heat became… and it was wonderful.

…_it's going to be another scorcher, I'm afraid,_ said the radio announcer._ Today will bring temperatures well over 100 degrees, so drag out the old swim suit and sun screen, because it doesn't look like the heat going to let up any time soon…_

I wiped a fine sheen of sweat off my forehead and nudged the denim jacket off my shoulders… which is difficult enough when you're trying to handle a thousand pounds of speeding metal, careening toward an eighteen wheeler in high heel, knee high boots. I plucked at my flowy black tank-top and grimaced at the uncomfortable skinny jeans. They clung to my legs like a second skin. I quickly cranked the AC and sighed; it blew deliciously cool against my pale, sticky, skin. It tossed my long mahogany hair over my bare shoulders and down my healing back; the tattoo prickled uncomfortably in the heat.

I noticed, now that the jacket was gone, that my arm tat stood out in the sun. The little black music notes spiraled up my pale arm in amazing detail. It shocked me to realize that I've never really seen the detail Sin put into each little mark. It was a true work of art, and thanks to the sunlight I can now fully appreciate it. Now I can't wait to check out my other tats… possibly when I'm in a bikini by the pool with Alice, sippin' on a cold brew and laughing at old times. I grinned, excited at the prospect.

Time marched on and so the scenery changed; the barren, expansive, Arizona desert, became more and more civilized. Tall palm trees lined the highway, their palm fronds swaying in a dance with the hot breeze coming in from the desert. Spiney cactus plants dotted the landscape while dry brush filled in the empty spaces between. I could see lizards and jack rabbits climbing over the large red boulders, and the occasional snake seeking them out for dinner slithered below in the shadows. It made me smile.

This meant one thing… I was getting closer.

I started to notice that the cars surrounding me were oversized SUV's with expensive spinning rims, or fast and flashy, yet economical cars. They shot past me with their powerful engines and thudding stereos. I blasted my radio in response; AC/DC's Back in Black, just to prove I wasn't a bumpkin from out of state, which I was. I nodded in time with the famous hook while Angus Young's guitar lit a literal fire under my ass. A jolt of adrenaline spiked my blood and it woke me the hell up. It was just the boost of energy I needed.

That's when it happened… Phoenix's skyline, glinting in the sun, rose from a valley between the mountain range…

_Home…_

I squealed and bounced in the driver's seat like an over excited child. I just couldn't believe it! I did it! I actually kept my promise! I fought against the impossible and did it anyway! My frozen heart thudded to life at the sight of Phoenix and all it's familiar grandgeour. The cities glass buildings grew before my eyes, towering into the powder blue sky and winking in the sun. I recognized the Chase Tower, Qwest Tower, the Chase Center were Edward and I went to so many Diamondback games… _oh,_ it was all still there!

_I was home, I was finally home! _

My heart thundered in my chest, alive and very much vital. I was back bitches and this time I was taking no prisoners!

The final and last exit was coming up quickly, and I gleefully drove off the interstate for the last and final time. But to my horror a fuck-ton of cars merged with me._ Holy shit!_ It freaked me the hell out! I wasn't used to inner city driving. Hell, I learned to drive in Forks where tractors and logging trucks rolled through Main Street on a regular basis.

The cities organized chaos engulfed me like a swarm of angry bees. It terrified me. A few people honked at my inept ass. I didn't blame them one bit. I'd flip me off too if I were them. There were a few near misses when I made a last minute lane change; a Mexican cabbie shouted at me in a blur of Spanish after I cut him off. I'm sure my Washington plates didn't help the situation either.

As I sat at city centers busy intersection I picked up the cell and texted out a quick…

**BS: I'm on Fourth Street, Al. Meet me in the parking lot in fifteen minutes.**

My phone buzzed a few minutes later.

**AC: OMG! OMG! OMG! X) I'll be the one screaming like a lunatic! **

I laughed, setting the phone down carefully this time, and headed toward Scottsdale.

I blew out a nervous breath and thought:_ This is it Bella. You're going to finally see Alice and Edward, face to face_. And I wondered:_ Will they even recognize me? Have I changed that much since they last saw me? _

I glanced in the rear view mirror and took a good look at what they would see. My amber eyes were the same, fringed in long dark lashes, but my eyebrows were arched and more womanly. My bone structure was definitely sharper, like an adult's I suppose. The diamond stud in my nose glinted in the sunlight, adding to the bitchiness I so carefully crafted. I quirked my full lips in a sly grin… I wasn't the shy, meek, soft spoken girl they once knew, that's for sure. The leafy green tattoo curling around my shoulders could attest to that.

Would they still love me the same, was the question.

Desert High loomed ahead at the end of the road. It was lined with palm trees and colorful, exotic, desert plants. I smiled as wistfulness washed through me. I can remember the first time I set eyes on it, with my two best friends at my side. I would never have believed back then the journey I've been on since then. It seems I've come full circle. The only difference is, is that my future is completely in my own hands. It was a frightning reality.

The red bricked four-story tall building was bathed in warm sunshine, the American flag fluttering from a ten foot pole as I pulled in. It was the picture of public education. Even the giant wolf mascot baying at the moon was affixed to the face of the school, displaying it's pride.

I parked and leaned my head against the head rest, trembling with nerves. I closed my eyes and took in great gulps of air. It only made me dizzier. My head swirled and the blood _wooshed_ in my ears in time with my frantic heart. _Just calm down, Bella,_ I told myself. _You've waited a long time to be here, so don't blow it by freaking out!_

I heard a faint cry echo through the parking lot. I thought nothing of it, considering the entire fucking school seemed to be here!

The desperate yelling got louder…

"_Bella…!" _

My eyes snapped open and I looked out the window.

"_Bella…!"_

I squinted in the suns glare and immediately recognized the streak of black hair belonging to a tiny insane person_._

"Alice?" I gasped.

"_Bella…!"_

It was! It was her! It was Alice!

I fumbled with the car door and practically fell to the ground. My high heels got caught up in the cracks of the pavement and I stumbled forward clumsily.

"Alice!"

"Bella, Bella, Bella!"

We collided somewhere in the middle of the parking lot, arms wrapping around each other in a vice grip.

"Alice," I gasped, tears blurring my vision.

"It's you, it's really you," she bawled into my tank top. "I just can't believe it."

"Have you tried pinching yourself?" I teased, snot making my voice thick and husky.

She let out a watery chuckle. "Oh, I've missed you so much."

"Let me see you better." I stepped back and realized with shock that I was at least one and a half heads taller than her now. It was going to make swaping clothes impossible.

She smiled up into my face, her big dark eyes shining. "You got so tall."

"You cut your hair," I fluffed the spiky black halo on her head.

"Your hair is so long and thick," she groaned, envious. "Why did I cut mine?"

"Holy shit, Al," I gasped, taking a step backward. I held her hands out and gawked at her tight pink tank top. "You got boobs!"

"Size C's, baby," she puffed her chest out. I reached out a honked them. She bent forward, giggling.

"Not that I mind girl on girl action, but seeing as Alice is involved, I find it slightly repulsive."

I gasped and spun around, embarrassed at groping my best friend in public. I froze, suddenly face to face with a broad chest and basket ball sized biceps. My eye's traveled upward and was stunned to find Emmett looming over me with a dimpled grin on his cute face.

"Emmett…?" I breathed in awe. He was fucking _huge!_

"Bells," his sardonic grin stretched into a full blown smile.

"Oh, Emmett!" I threw my long arms around his thick neck and cried into his shoulder. He scooped me up and swung me around like a rag doll.

"Shit, Em." I laughed into his neck. "Did you swallow a GNC or what?"

He barked a laugh and set me down. "These are 100% real baby." He made his pecks do a dance. Alice snorted.

"Oh man," I said, rolling my eyes. "I see some things haven't changed."

Emmett quirked a brow, scanning me up and down. "And I see some things have." He looked at me in a critical way and ran his hand over his chin. "I don't know how to say this, Bells, without making us feel all incestuous, but you got smokin' hot." I blushed tomato red, unsure of what to say to that.

"Leave her alone, Em," Alice chastised, recognizing my discomfort. "She's nervous enough without your flirting."

He smirked the same way he did when I first met him; evil. "Well, she better get used to it looking like that."

He reached out and tweaked my nose like he always did. It made me giggle, despite Emmetts obvious flirtation. Not that I minded, it was just that it's Emmett, my big brother. Now if Edward said that I think I'd faint.

"Oh!" Alice jumped. She pulled an oversized purse from her shoulder and handed it to me. "Here. There's deodorant, a hairbrush, and a clean tank top in there. Em and I will stand watch."

I took her purse and scowled at it. "What, actually change in the car?"

She rolled her eyes and pushed me toward the car. "Just do it, chicken shit."

I smirked. "Alright, but if you hear someone scream they probably got a peek at the twins."

Emmetts jaw dropped. "You're not wearing a bra?"

"Well, with the new tattoo I can't. It hasn't fully healed."

He was staring at me in a way I was very unfamiliar with. It was hot and focused, like an xray was taking place.

Alice shook her head and opened the car door. "Get in before he embarrasses himself."

I snickered and climbed back in the cramped car; it smelled funny, like a person who needed a shower. Embarrassed by my BO I swiftly removed my grungy black shirt, swiped on some deodorant and pulled on the clean, dark blue, tank top Alice brought. It was new with the tags still on it. The brush smoothed out my unkempt hair, turning the tangles back into its natural wavy state. I took a good look and nodded at myself in the mirror. I looked and felt less funky than before, which was good, considering I was about to give Edward a heart attack. The last thing he needs is to have me attack him while smelling like an unwashed gym sock.

At the thought of physically embracing Edward... after our almost kiss three years ago... I felt panic creep up on me. Would he think I was ridiculous for remembering that, or does he explain it away as a stupid mistake he almost made? Would he even remember it like I had? Oh God! Was I being patheitc again? An unnerving amount of anxiety began to slither its way through out my blood stream, seizing my confidence and putting it a headlock.

I climbed back out into the stifling, sunny atmosphere, and handed Alice her big ass purse. She frowned at my quaking frame.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked, gripping my hands tightly.

I felt a wave of nausea roll over me. I clutched my stomach and shook my head.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she demanded. "Tell me."

I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I might throw up all over her name brand shoes.

"Bella?"

"What if Edward doesn't want to be friends anymore? Three years of silence should give me a hint, right?"Alice and Emmett both began to shake their heads and speak, but I kept going. "I mean, I miss him so much that it's practically ripped me in two, but he may not feel the same way! Oh my god… what am I going to do if he rejects me? I shouldn't have come..."

"Maybe you should slap her," Emmett casually suggested to his sister.

I would have threatened his manhood if I wasn't so fucking freaked out. After everything that has happened to me over the last few years I was ready to fall to pieces at the slightest sign of rejection.

"Nonsense, Emmett," Alice said firmly. "Bella's not hysterical, she's just nervous."

Alice walked over to me and ran her hands over my arms and took my hands in hers. She forced me to make eye contact and said, "Emmett and I know, without a doubt, that Edward will not be upset that you're here, Bella. As a matter of fact I'm positive that he's going to be just as emotional about seeing you." I must have looked doubtful, my own insecurities settling in.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked.

_Trust_: it was something I haven't allowed in over three years. It goes against the grain. But as I stared at her beautiful face and deceptively innocent eyes, I decided that I did. Al never steered me wrong before... well, at least on purpose.

_This is my first step in the right direction. Tear down that impenetrable wall, Bella. It's time to let someone in._

I took a shaky breath and nodded. "Yes, I trust you."

Alice smiled warmly and pulled me into a hug. "I love you, Bells," she whispered.

"And I love you, Al," I sniffled.

"Alright, alright," Emmett said, throwing his beefy arm around my shoulders. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we? There's a birthday boy in there waiting for his surprise, and I for one can not wait to see his face. It's going to be priceless," he chuckled.

_Oh God,_ I panted as he steered me toward the noisy baseball diamond. His anaconda-like arm created an inescapable band of steel around me. Em wasn't taking any chances. I glanced back at Alice who was on the phone, texting someone. She was letting them know I was here_… this is it, the moment of truth_...

Here goes nothing.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Is there a cure for writers block? If there is let me know, I'll do anything to avoid it again. It felt like my brain was melting! **_

_**So here we finally have it, the reunion through Edward's eyes.**_

_**The music I listened to while writing this chapter: **_

_**Broken- Amy Lee and Seether**_

_**Last Resort- Papa Roach**_

_**My Love- Sia**_

_**Talking to the Moon- Bruno Mars**_

* * *

**GOING HOME**

**CHAPTER 7**

**EPOV**

So far my 19th birthday was everything I expected it to be… a miserable waste of time.

Usually one spoils themselves on their special day starting with breakfast in bed, being waited on hand and foot, and maybe diving into a mouthwatering birthday cake... but not me. I wanted to shut my mind off and sleep through it. So I decided to lie down after my morning run, thinking that if there was a God he would bless me with a few hours of well-earned sleep. I laid my head on the pillow, snuggled into my blue duvet and concentrated on summoning the sand man…

I must have been successful, because what felt like minutes later, I was jerked awake to a loud obnoxious banging.

Emmett was pounding his heavy fists on my door, once again stressing its hinges. "Edward, wake the fuck up!" he hollered. "Mom says you're gonna be late for practice!" I ignored him and snuggled deeper into my cool sheets. The loud banging jumped me awake. "GET OUT OF BED, EDWARD, OR I SWEAR YOU'LL REGRET IT!"

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I HEARD YOU!" I snapped, throwing a pillow at the door_. The entire fucking street heard you._

Jesus, what a way to wake up…

I reluctantly sat up, scratching my itchy jawline and yawning. _What time is it?_ I squinted blurrily at the alarm clock; the red glowing numbers read 11:43 am_. Shit! _Emmett was right, I was late for practice!

I flung my blanket to the side and sprang up to find my gear. I stumbled over a stray shoe and caught myself on the burrow. Wrenching open the drawers while gritting my teeth, I grabbed the first thing I could find to wear; a pair of black net shorts and a sleeveless white Nike shirt. Good enough, I decided.

_God, I was so screwed for time, _I thought_._ _Coach was going to kick my ass!_

Before I could fly into the bathroom for a quick shower something caught my eye. Sitting on the top of the burrow, wrapped in a pretty red bow, was a birthday gift. I paused, suddenly remembering it was my birthday, which in turn, reminded me that today was the day Bella left for Washington… and my mood plummeted. Tentatively I picked it up and slid off the decorative bow and tore off the wrapping. It was a silver framed picture of Bella and me.

_What the… ?_

On the bottom of the picture was a handwritten inscription in black magic marker_: Edward, All your questions will be answered at the field. Happy Birthday, Love, Al._

I stared down at her neat cursive with a confused expression. Did she know that I was tracking her down the last few days? If so, that meant she _was_ avoiding me… but what does that have to do with the baseball field?

I could only conclude one simple thing_… the girl had lost her goddamn mind._

I studied the picture further. My arm was around Bella's waist and we were smiling at the camera, both wearing shades, looking cooler than we really were.

_We looked so young, so happy…_

A lump formed in my throat and my hands shook. _No, it can't be_. I set the picture down and quickly backed away from it. I think I remember Alice taking this picture. It was the last day of our freshman year just hours before we learned Bella was moving to Washington… _Oh my God, why would Alice do this to me_? I clutched my chest and gasped for air. My heart felt as if a set of claws sunk into the warm sinewy tissue and yanked until there was nothing left but a slashed lump of mangled muscle.

I slogged through a shower clutching my aching chest. The hot beads of water mingled with my tears, streaking down my face and shuddering body. I just couldn't believe Alice thought this was an appropriate gift. Didn't she know me at all?

I exited the bathroom and tried to ignore the framed picture, but it mocked me as I got dressed, beckoning me to examine it one last time. Once I tied my shoe, I marched over the burrow, picked it up, and hurled it onto my bed with unnecessary force. I willed the glass to shatter into a million shards, but it merely bounced and landed on the floor, face down. _How symbolic_, I sneered_, our lives turned upside down. _

I took a deep breath and left my room.

I found it was easier to be angry at the world than let the grief eat me alive. I was angry at Alice, angry at Charlie, angry at anyone who ever did me wrong! But I was especially angry at myself for being in love with a memory. I was the most pathetic son-of-a-bitch ever.

My thought's began to slip into that deep dark place in my head that was reserved for one thing only; depression. _Real_ depression_, suicidal_ depression… it was beginning to feel like the only solution. _Give in_, a small voice whispered in my ear_. I can make the pain finally go away._

I squeezed my eyes closed and balled up my fists. "No, no, no, not again."

_How much longer can you live with the pain before it's too much to bear_, the voice asked with false compassion. I knew the answer to that question without even thinking about it… _not much longer, not much longer. _

I drove to practice in a trance like state, following traffic through lights and stop signs without even checking to see if that's what I was supposed to be doing. I was in a dangerous place in my head, one that just didn't care anymore.

_There were many ways to do it_, the voice instructed_: swallow something poisonous, accidentally OD at a party, use a serrated knife to the wrists, make sure to cut deep enough._

"But that would be too gruesome for mom to find," I challenged. And I couldn't do that to her.

_Yes, it'll have to be internal damage then… _

Once I reached the school I tried my best to bottle up my dark emotions and go for numb, but Bella kept leaking out in tiny unexpected spurts, selling me out to those around me. It showed in my twisted facial expressions and distracted demeanor. My voice was lifeless, my face devoid of any emotion. No one outright mentioned it, but I could see their confusion in the way they skirted around me. I guess there was something in my expression that warned them against slapping me on the back and offering a Happy Birthday. And trust me, the shit that would spew forth would not be pretty if they did.

So here I am, standing on the pitcher's mound in 100 degree weather, trying to hold it together long enough to make it through one simple practice so I can go home and… do what, kill myself?

I felt like a lifeless robot on automatic, throwing ball after ball after ball. Coach Dwyer let my lateness slide, since I've never done it before, but I could feel his agitated eyes on me. I ignored it easily. Waiting patiently for the next batter to get his ass in gear proved difficult, but I managed.

My internal voice whispered suggestions of a morbid nature during these down times.

It was Felix's turn at bat and he was slower than a fucking slug, so I began to look around myself, entertaining dark thoughts of swallowing bleach or downing a bottle of mom's plant extract, when I noticed my brother and sister strolling through the chain link fence_. Well, well, well… they finally showed up. _I saw that they weren't alone_, big surprise_. I wasn't able to place who their friend was. She was pale next to my tanned siblings, tall for a girl and dressed too warmly for this weather. None of the girls around here wore boots like that, or pants that tight... if I wasn't so emotionally crippled my baser male instincts would have highly approved… I shook my head; she was irrelevant. I was pissed at Alice.

I looked at her and saw just how excited she was to be here. She was lit up like a fricken Christmas tree, holding onto the girls hand and talking a mile a minute like an attention starved puppy. If she had a tail it would be wagging back and forth. _How did I not know someone that made Alice that happy?_ Even Emmett was escorting this girl around like she was important_. _The way he ducked his head down to speak to her was dangerously intimate; even Rose didn't get that kind of treatment from him. I felt like I was missing a humungous piece of the puzzle, like something was hidden in plain sight but I was too stupid to figure it out.

"Hey, Cullen, you gonna throw the ball today or what?"My wandering attention snapped back to Coach Dwyer. He was scowling at me from third base with his arms folded over his chest and chewing gum at an irritated pace.

"Oh," I said, honestly surprised that I had mentally checked out. "Sorry Coach."

"I don't want to hear apologies," he snapped. "Just throw the damn ball!" _Geez, keep your hair on._

I took a deep breath and prepared to throw a curve ball. Seth was crouched on the ground with his glove outstretched, waiting patiently for me to get my head out of my ass. I lifted my knee, twisted my torso, and flung my arm forward with incredible force. The ball sailed through Felix's strike zone three times in a row. His bat whistled through the air at every attempt to connect.

"Come on!" Felix complained, slamming his aluminum bat into the dirt. "This isn't a regular game, Edward! Why can't you throw normally so we can hit a few?"

"Hey, if you don't like it take it up with him," I nodded at Coach.

"Yeah, it isn't his fault you suck," Seth added, throwing the ball back to me.

"Fuck you, Clearwater, you too, Cullen!"

"That's enough," Coach warned from the side lines. "Felix, you need to keep your eye on the ball instead of running off at the mouth. And you, Seth, stop antagonizing your teammates; save that for the opponents."

Seth chuckled. "Sure, thing, coach."

Felix sneered at us and stomped away, dragging his bat behind him like a cave man.

I was waiting for the next batter when I happen to see my mother lurking around the gate. When she saw me she beamed and waved. Guilt surged through me at the sight of her; the first distinguishable emotion in the last two hours.

This morning she pulled me into an extra-long birthday hug. I think she felt the rigidity in the way I received her because she said_: Sweetheart, I know how miserable you've been since Bella left, but please, for me, try to have a happy birthday. You deserve it. _All I could do was fake a smile and nod. I really hated worrying the one woman who loved me unconditionally. She was the one person who cried when I cried, and the only one who felt my pain just as acutely… I shook my head and looked away, loathing myself for putting her through this. She deserved to have a whole son, not this pathetic half-person I've become.

S_he deserves peace of mind, too, Edward,_ the voice interjected.

"For Christ sake, Cullen," Coach Dwyer barked. "Just get off the damn field!" I didn't realize my attention drifted again.

Coach waved me in and pulled me into the shade of the dugout. It was a sharp relief to be out of the direct sun, even if it was only a few degrees difference.

"What's going on with you today? You have the attention span of a goddam gnat!" I shrugged, not really knowing what to say_. I'm feeling particularly suicidal today, Coach, _didn't really seem to be appropriate. And even if I did open up to him, he would send me to the high schools guidance counselor, the world's answer to a failed psychiatrist, who would hand me a useless pamphlet on Teen Depression with a 1-800 number on the back where I could speak with other depressed teens. No thank you.

"I know," was the best I could come up with. Brilliant, I know.

He frowned, reading my emotionless face. He was clearly out of his element here. "Look, why don't you sit this inning out so you can get your act together." _My act_, I snorted_, if it were only that easy. _

He misread my snort as a disrespectful response and snapped back. "Cullen, you're a better athlete than this! I've never seen you act like this before. What's wrong? Are you sick, hurt… is it your shoulder?" He went to touch it but I side stepped him.

He narrowed his blue eyes and thrust his finger under my nose. "Listen to me, mister. You owe me and your teammates the same respect we show you! How would you feel if one of them were too busy staring off into space instead of paying attention to you?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Frustrated, I suppose."

He stared at me angrily. "Yeah, you would be. Now sit down, we'll discuss this later." Coach nudged me impatiently toward the dugouts door and shouted, "Martin, get out here and fill in for Cullen!"

Ryan Martin, second stringer, hopped up from the bench and ran past me, chuckling under his breath. I glared at him as he made himself to home on _my_ mound, looking half the ball player I was. Out of frustration I threw my glove to the ground, dust flying up around me in a red cloud.

_What the hell was wrong with me? I just totally committed self-sabotage. _

I felt like throwing my head back, gripping my hair in both fists, and letting out a loud mournful cry. The pain was eating at my stomach like an acidic ulcer.

For the second time in a week I was sent to the dugout, utterly disgraced_. _I couldn't even keep it together long enough for one fucking practice! My mind was absolutely wrecked, and so my ability to do anything without Bella's ghostly interference suffered. It made me angry as hell! Baseball was my last comfort in this world, the last shred of hope I had at moving on, and it just evaporates at the snap of Alice's fingers.

I have no control on my own life…

And there it is again, that dark hopeless tunnel of despair swallowing me whole. _Oh God,_ I dragged my hand over my sweaty face and gasped…. _dad was right, I need help._

I sunk onto the bleachers and dropped my head in my hands, moaning. I felt a hand pat me on my hunched back. I looked up and found James looking at me with pity in his blue eyes. "Don't worry, man. Your Coaches golden boy, he'll let it slide."

I sat up and leaned my head on the dusty concrete.

"I'm not mad at Coach" My voice was dead.

His blond brows knit together. "Then what's the matter? You look like someone ran over your cat."

I stared straight ahead. "It's nothing."

"Well, buck up," he slapped my leg, trying to perk me up. "Tonight's party's gonna be great! Alice promised an exceptionally good time."

_Alice!_

I decided this was all herfucking fault! If she didn't taunt me and plan this stupid party around my birthday, inviting douche bags like James Smith to my home, maybe I could have made it through the day with my sanity intact. But instead she plays games with my already fucked up head and afflicts even more damage than before. She just couldn't leave well enough alone.

_And she expects me to play along? Well my heart isn't something to play around with! I was a human being with feelings and limits!_

I spun around to locate her in the stands and found my family clumped together and completely involved with the girl. My mother was hugging her like she was one of her own children. It was obvious even from here that they were both crying. Mom pulled back to cup her cheeks and smooth out her long chestnut hair, saying something that made the girl smile through her tears and laugh. It was such a tender moment that I almost felt intrusive watching them.

_What-the-fuck?_

I was utterly perplexed, sitting here with my mouth attractively agape and mind whirling in a dark pit of self-pity. Who was she, dammit, and where did my family know her from? I suppose I've had my head buried in the sand for so long that it was possible I've already met her.

If I could only get a closer look…

I moved to the dugouts exit, staring at the girl for a spark of memory. She looked familiar, yet… I squinted harder at her pale heart shaped face, and a strange prickling sensation just below the surface of my skin warned me to brace myself… _that face…_

"Cullen," Coach called from third base. "Why don't you get in a few hits? You look bored just standing around." _Bored? No, try utterly fucking confused. _

"Fine," I sighed, looking around for my gloves and bat.

"But, Coach, it's my turn," James said indignantly. I turned to find him frowning at Coach Dwyer through the mesh of the dugout.

Coach didn't even look up from his clipboard. Instead he distractedly said, "Smith, you can bat after Cullen. He needs to keep his arm limber until the next inning."

I shrugged at James. "Sorry man." He narrowed his cool blue eyes at me. As much as I hated the douche bag, his reaction surprised me; he was always kissing my ass, so why the sudden hostility? _Whatever._

I stepped up to the plate, flexed my fingers around the wooden bat, and dug my cleats into the hard earth. Taking my batters stance, I waited for Martin to get the led out; he was purposely taking his time. I was so unfocused that I quickly lost interest and my eyes slid automatically to the girl in the stands. I squinted against the suns glare. All I could make out was her dark outline.

_Who are you?_

Out of nowhere the ball sailed past my nose, jumping me backward.

"Hey!" I snapped, glaring at Ryan. "You nearly took my fucking head off!"

"Sorry," he smiled, catching the ball.

"Like hell he is," Seth sneered behind me. "That kid's got it out for your position. I'd watch my back if I were you." I nodded, well aware of that.

"Hey Seth," I said while waiting for the next pitch. It whistled past my thighs; ball. "Do you see that girl with my family?"

"What girl?"

"The one between Emmett and Alice, sitting at the…" The ball caught me off guard, but this time it was in my strike zone. I tensed and swung with all my might, connecting with the ball in a thunderous crack. I tore off for first base, kicking dirt up around me with my sharp cleats. The exertion felt good.

I made it to second base before they got the ball back into play.

I took a moment to catch my breath and looked around for my family; their cheering was noticeably absent. And that's when I saw the girl, I mean, _really_ saw her. From this distance it hit me who she reminded me of; the long dark hair, the wry grin, the thin frame... _Bella?_

And like a clap of thunder overhead everything fell into place: my sister's strange secretive behavior, my brother's protectiveness, and mom's tearful embrace… even Alice's damn picture! Her words came back to me in a rush; _all your questions will be answered at the field… _

I felt my foot leave the sand bag without any kind of conscious permission. It felt like my world was spinning on its axis… Up was down, down was up… _My God, was this really happening? _

_Bella?_

"Jesus, Edward, move!" Paul, the first baseman was waving me out of the way like a windmill.

"Shit!" Coach spat. "Cullen, get out of the way! You're gonna get hurt! Smith, watch out!" I felt a gust of warm air and heavy footfalls rush past me and heard the stamp of someone's foot on first base. I must have nearly run into James but I was too entranced to care. That might be my Bella up there.

_What if you're wrong and this turns out not to be her? _My subconscious asked. I swallowed nervously, supposing I'd have to prepare for the worst if it wasn't her. The disappointment this time around may be too much to bear. And if I was crossing over into depression territory, as I believed I was, there won't be any coming back this time. This might be my last hoorah with sanity.

Just one look from her would convince me, just one single look. _Look at me_…

As if she heard my mental demand, her gorgeous amber orbs slid to mine, and that was all the proof I needed. No one in the entire world had eyes that captivating.

"Bella?" I gasped, staring incredulously at the living version of my tormentor.

"Edward?" she breathed in awe. It looked like she couldn't believe it was me standing here; I smiled crookedly, knowing the feeling.

"Oh my God, it is you!" she cried, shooting up from the bench and scrambling to climb over my poor mother's lap. I would have laughed if I weren't doing the same exact thing to those in my way.

I shoved through the cheer squad's human pyramid and fought off several annoying girls. Bella kept stumbling over her high heeled boots, enraging people when she tripped into them. _Still clumsy, I see. _It made me happy to know that some things stay the same. We've both endured three years of nothing but change so you take what you can get.

I dashed up the wobbly steps, my cleats scraping against the metal bleachers like fingernails on a chalkboard… and then it happened, a reunion worthy of Hollywood. I didn't even speak when we collided; there were absolutely no words on earth to express what I was feeling. My brain was firing off in every direction, not sure which to do first; cry, laugh, talk, scream, drop to my knees in relief… I was literally at the mercy of my scattered mind. We stood together on the bleacher steps, forgetting about the outside world for a few joyous moments, breathing the other in, feeling her feeling me… it was incredibly powerful and seemed to go on forever, like time had ceased to move forward. I was suspended in time with Bella, both of us clinging to the other for dear life. A million words we're exchanged in our desperate embrace, each touch saying I _love_ you, I _need_ you_, stay_.

As I touched her the old electricity reclaimed its hold on us, and _oh,_ how I ached for her. I ran my fingertips over her curvy body, tracing the contours like a blind man reading brail… her trim waist, her slender neck, her long dark hair, her smooth bare shoulders tinted with soft colors…

Lyrics from Pink's song, Glitter, jumped to the forefront of my mind_… Have you ever felt a lover with just your hands, to close your eyes and trust it, just trust it…_

That was all Bella and I needed right now; our fingertips to trace for our souls to reconnect… to trust it.

"Bella, my God, it's you. It really is you."

"Edward," she sobbed against my neck. "I've missed you so much!"

"You came back," I breathed in wonder. "You're really here, you came back."

"I'm just sorry it took so long." She pulled back, revealing her crumpled, tear stained face. She grabbed the front of my shirt, demanding my attention. "He just wouldn't let me go, Edward. I fought him for so long but it just wasn't enough. It was never enough… " she buried her wet face back into my shoulder, and cried.

I ran my hand over her silky hair and snuggled her into my chest. "It's alright sweetheart, don't cry. I've got you now, I've got you." This seemed to make her cry even harder. Sobs racked her thin frame as I held her and kissed her bent head, whispering that it'll be alright, that we we're together_._

Her anguish punched a hole in my chest._ What the hell did Charlie do to her now? _

I have to try and distract her, I decided. She needed to calm down. In this heat she could get seriously sick, and she wasn't dressed to handle it.

"You know, it doesn't surprise me that you got into an epic battle of wills with your father, Bella. You we're always stubborn as hell." She hiccupped and giggled. "It's one of the many things I love about you."

I leaned back and wiped her tears away with the pads of my thumbs. "Hey," I breathed. "You and I are together again; that's all that matters now." I touched her forehead to mine, staring straight into her beautiful eyes. She was slowly calming, the hysteria draining like a running tap.

"But I hurt you," she moaned with regret.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I obviously did something to drive you away. You wouldn't answer my calls or emails… I'm so sorry, Edward for whatever I did. I just want to be a part of your life." _She was apologizing for my stupidity? No_, I decided_. No more hiding like a coward. I have to own up to my mistakes. This stop's now._

I pulled back to get a better look at her breathtaking eyes; God, I forgot how amazing they were; amber with threads of chocolate and gold. "I'm the one who should apologize, Bella, not you. I made you think I didn't care when it's the farthest thing from the truth. I was confused and scared when you left, and every time we spoke the pain got worse… " Oh boy, here come the tears. "Bella, I just couldn't find a way to make it go away. It hurt so much that I couldn't help you… so I stopped talking to you." I closed my eyes and shook my head, shame ridden. "Why would you ever forgive me?"

I didn't dare open my eyes in fear of seeing the hurt I just inflicted. If she chose to never speak to me again I wouldn't blame her. Hell, I was inclined not to speak to myself after this.

I jumped when I felt her touch me. But it wasn't a slap as I expected, it was her fingers brushing feather-light across my jaw. "Because, Edward," she whispered. "You always forgive the one's you love."

My eyes popped open in shock. Bella smirked in that familiar way of hers, snarky and teasing; it told me, yes, she did mean what she just said.

She loved me? A hopeful smile spread across my face. _Wow… love… she loved me!_

I opened my mouth to say that I loved her, too, but we were interrupted by an urgent… _"Pst! Psst!" _We both looked up and found mom glancing nervously at the crowd surrounding us. "The entire school is enjoying the soap opera, guys. Please, sit down."

Bella and I looked around ourselves in a daze, blinking in the dazzling sunlight, when we quickly realized we just broadcast our private moment to the entire school. Everyone, including pets on leashes, where staring at us. Some were smirking and snickering, girls glared angrily at Bella, parents darted their disapproval to my mother for allowing this.

I went red when I noticed Coach standing at third base with his hands on his hips, shaking his head back and forth at me. I groaned, embarrassed. I could just hear his question now_: So is this girl the reason you're screwing up your chances at a scholarship?_

Yeah, I kind of brought this one on myself.

I sheepishly squeezed in beside mom, pulling Bella onto my lap. She squeaked in protest but I wrapped my arms about her waist in an inescapable hold. Bella bit her lip and tucked her long mahogany hair behind her ear, smiling shyly at me. I gasped_. Do women know what that does to a man? _I reached up and pulled her entrapped lip from her teeth, chastising her with my eyes for making me hard. It wasn't very comfortable having all the blood rush to a part of the body that was currently nestled inside a hard plastic cup.

I looked away, exasperated at my inability to stay cool around Bella, when I saw Alice watching us like a proud artist, admiring her masterpiece. And I knew that's exactly what we represented for her; pride and happiness. The evil Pixie was proud of herself… as she should be, I concluded. This birthday gift will never be topped, ever.

_Thanks, Al,_ I mouthed sincerely. She nodded, looking satisfied and content. _She will never let me forget this for as long as I live._

"So," mom said, patting Bella's knee. "Tell me sweetheart, how did you get here?"

"I drove."

Mom frowned. "By yourself?"

Bella shrugged, nonplussed. "Sure, why not?"

"Well," mom said, looking confused. "Frankly I'm surprised your parents allowed you to travel that far without them."

Bella went still and glanced down at her knees, unwilling to meet her eyes_. Uh oh. _"Let's just say my mother encouraged me to leave before Charlie got home from work. It was the only way." Bella's face grew dark and distant, recalling something painful. I looked helplessly to Alice for an answer. She met my eyes and shook her head infinitesimally; the message was clear: _Not now, talk later_. I nodded reluctantly, though my over active imagination was already trying to fill in the blanks.

Mom readjusted her position so she was facing Bella and took her hands into hers. "Now don't get me wrong, honey, I'm thrilled that you're here, but I can't believe Renee would allow you to leave without her. Washington's so far from Arizona and you look exhausted... what's really going on?" Bella's pale face reddened, looking ashamed.

"Mom," Alice warned, reading Bella's reaction.

"No, she has a right to ask," Bella sighed. "I was just hoping Carlisle would be here when it came time to talk it all out."

"Talk what out?" mom asked warily.

Bella glared at her feet and muttered, "My parents and I… we, uh... had a falling out." She looked green, like her next words would induce a sickening reaction.

"Mom," I piped up. "How about we go home and get out of this heat. We can have lunch and talk there." Bella looked over her shoulder, her guarded eyes brightening enough to show her appreciation. I smiled back, though it worried me deeply that she was hiding something.

What didn't she want us to see?

**BPOV**

This was heaven…

I let Edward drive me home in his fuck-awesome Volvo while Alice drove Renee's Audi. When she started it up you could almost hear the engine groan in protest. She and I traveled many, many, miles together. She had sore tires, I had a sore behind. Besides, I was just too freaking tired to drive let alone think. Edward even snapped in the seatbelt for me… yeah, I know, it was overkill, but who was I to deny him? He seemed so damn insistent about taking care of my needs.

I would never admit this to him, but I kinda liked seeing him grovel a bit; it sated the bitch within. He hurt me and though I understand why he did what he did, it still felt damn good to have him explain himself. If he didn't… I wouldn't be sitting beside him so calmly, staring at his perfect profile.

When I first saw him I was I was in absolute shock, he was Edward but he wasn't. He was lanky and wore glasses when I left; geek-sheek Alice used to call it, but now… Holy Mary Mother of God, he was gorgeous. He'd done away with the glasses, leaving those green eyes to sparkle in the sunlight, and his mousy brown hair grew into an alluring auburn color, highlighted with sunny blonde streaks. And when he hugged me I could feel all the strength he possessed, and much, much, more.

"My God, you turned out hot," I blurted out.

A hint of a smile played over his lips. "Look who's talking." I made a skeptical sound in the back of my throat and turned to stare out the window, wishing I could be at least one tenth as gorgeous as he was. He reached over and took my hand, and despite the AC blowing full blast in my face, a flash of heat shot through me. "I mean it, Bella. You're beautiful."

Blood pooled in my cheeks, staining them a rosy red. "I'm paler than a freaking ghost, Edward. Forks sucked the pigment right out of my skin." He threw his head back and laughed. "Hey, don't laugh, I'm serious."

He made an effort to control his humor, though his glinting eyes gave him away. "I'm sorry, you we're saying… "

His enjoyment at my own expense was not appreciated. Besides… I felt foolish for bringing up Forks to begin with. Here I was, in Scottsdale with Edward, the man I'm falling in love with, and I'm complaining about Forks Washington.

"Nothing, it was stupid. Forget I even mentioned Forks."

"How can I?" he said. "You obviously hated it there, and I hate that you had to go at all… so it can't be avoided. Besides, I'm curious, what was it really like?"

I sighed, giving him what he wanted. "Alright, but remember, you asked for it." He grinned and waved his hand for me to continue. I rolled my eyes; _what a ham_. "Have you ever stayed in the shower too long, and your skin gets all wrinkly?" He nodded while weaving through traffic like an expert. I was jealous. "Well picture being in that state for three goddam years. And even when you were inside, out of the rain, everything was damp and freezing cold. You just couldn't escape the constant rain."

He threw me a dramatic eye roll. "Come on, it couldn't have rained that much."

"Would this face lie?" I pointed at myself. He studied my deceptively innocent face and decided no, I was trust worthy. "Good, then believe me when I tell you, it was a nightmare. The sun comes out maybe five times a year and the rest of the time it rains. You're surrounded by squashy green trees and huge boulders that are covered with green parasites." I shuddered, remembering how I slipped on the slick ferns and cracked my tail bone. "And the mud, _ugh!_ It was everywhere. This is the driest I've been in a long time, I kid you not."

"Is that it?" he asked. "It was wet and muddy?"

"Hardly," I said. "There's so much to complain about." I thought about what most irked me: the rain, the people, and my father. "Oh! Everyone knew everyone else's business. God, that was annoying. You couldn't fart without some old bity spreading the news the next day!" Edward threw me a surprised look and choked on a laugh. "Oh, and the tractors, my God, the tractors… they were everywhere. I swear, Edward, it was like living in a bad episode of Andy Griffith!"

I couldn't help it, I laughed with him, because my ramblings are apparently funny.

Edward bent forward and held his stomach from laughing. "Holy shit, Bella! I can just imagine you sitting in traffic with a bunch of John Deer Tractors!" This made him laugh harder.

"Yeah," I giggled, wiping tears from my eyes. "Laugh at the poor misfortunate girl. That makes me feel heaps better."

He slowed his laughing to a mere chuckle. "You look like tough enough to handle it."

I threw him my bitchy smirk. "Fucking right I am."

He raised his dark brows when I took out my cigarettes and fumbled with the package; I was almost out. "You smoke, now, huh?"

"Go ahead," I said lighting it and taking a deeply needed drag. "Tell me it's horrible for my health and how I'm subjecting you to second hand smoke. I know it, so save the lecture." He frowned and looked back at the road_. _"Err, sorry," I apologized immediately. "I, uh, have a hard time reeling in the bitchiness. Habit you know."

He got quiet for a moment, turning inward with his thoughts, and I wondered if I just damaged our freshly repaired friendship. I had to stop biting off people's heads the moment they challenge me. I'm not in Forks anymore. I'm with people I love. I really needed to sort out my anger and file it away for those who deserve it; namely Charlie, and treat those who care about me with respect.

"So… " Edward hedged. "… how are things with Renee and Charlie?" I sighed, he understood my lashing out for what it really was.

"You always could read me," I mumbled, feeling thankful that he could.

He smiled compassionately and squeezed my hand. "Only because I could never take my eyes off you."

Our gazes met, and I realized just how true his statement was. Edward was, in one way or another, always watching me, whether it be at school, behind a piano, or from across a dark theater watching scary movies. I just never put it in the correct context. I always assumed it was out of friendly fondness, not actual feelings, like a crush or love. I tilted my head to the side trying to read his expression_… did Edward love me?_

He smirked, knowing I was trying to fish for his secrets. "Looks like were here," he announced, turning onto Cactus Ave.

I jumped and sat up straight, leaning into the window for a better look. I heard Edward chuckle, but didn't care. I know I resembled an excited dog ready to pounce on his owner, but I was home, finally, after three grueling years of trying to get back.

"There's my house!" I gasped, examining it for the least trace of the Swan's presence. Sadly the only thing that remained was the dent in the mail box from Renee's _SUV_ fiasco. The house had been painted a bright yellow and now resembled a large Twinki. "Who the hell painted the house yellow?" My disgust was evident.

"The Hales," he chuckled, than pointed at the huge American flag in the front yard and big ol' Cowboys logo above the door. _Hmm… seems tacky to me_. "There from Texas, which mean they love their country and football."

"Jasper and Rose," I breathed, recalling their names from my many conversations with Alice. Edward nodded and went on, describing the Hale twins and reassuring me that they'll like me. I didn't tell him that I honestly didn't care if they liked me or not. I was here for him and Alice… and maybe Emmett, too… not anybody else.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when we pulled in the Cullen's driveway. They hadn't changed their home a whole lot, it was still white with green shutters and had a small front porch with old fashioned lamp posts. There was a bunch of picturesque flower-beds scattered around the lush green lawn. It was elegant and classy; very Esme.

"Looks like dad's already home," Edward muttered, parking behind a black Lexus. He put the Volvo in park and cut off his engine, as did Alice behind us with Renee's Audi. "Hope you're ready for that talk," he said. "I'm sure mom's called ahead to tell him you're here."

I was suddenly nervous, my heart relocating into my throat. _What would Carlisle say when he learns I'm homeless? Will he turn me away? Will he tell me I'm being immature and irrational, to grow up and go deal with my problems head on?_ God… I so didn't want to dump my problems in their laps. It wasn't fair and they didn't deserve it.

"Come on," Edward said, unbuckling me. "He doesn't bite."

I swallowed thickly. "It's not Carlisle I'm worried about."

"Charlie?" he asked.

"Who else do you think I'm running from… "

The amusement on his face suddenly faded, his expression growing troubled. He studied me for several moments. "Come on. Let's go inside so we can talk." I took a deep breath and followed his family inside.

"Hello?" Emse called out in the foyer.

"I'm in the kitchen," Carlisle called back.

Esme saw my face light up and nudged me forward. "Go on, honey, he's expecting you."

I glanced back at Edward and Alice, they both nodded and smiled. I took a deep breath and moved into the house I've dreamt about for three years. Esme had apparently redecorated with light champagne colors and crisp whites with splashes with cranberry here and there. It was elegant, homey and everything I expected Esmes home to be.

"Isabella Swan?" Carlisle said from behind me.

I jumped and whirled around, looking eye to eye with the handsome Doctor. "Carlisle!"

He laughed and grabbed me in a bear hug, rocking me from side to side. "Look at you!" He took a step back and assessed me. His sharp blue eyes ran over me with fatherly approval. "You turned out to be a beautiful girl, Isabella."

"You can call me Bella," I blushed, feeling shy about his compliments.

"No," he shook his head, pulling me into another hug. "Your name means beauty, and that you are. I shall always call you Isabella." By the time he let me go I was a flustered mess. He may be an older man and practically my father, but he was a hunk nonetheless.

"Give her over, dad," Edward demanded, grabbing my arm. "She's mine." He tucked me into his chest for another hug. It was here, in his arms, that I could close my eyes and breath him in… _ahh, leather, soap, and that distinct manly scent… testosterone? _Whatever it was it was intoxicating.

"Alright, alright," Alice snapped. "You've monopolized Bella enough, Edward. Give me a turn."

I giggled. "I'm not a chew toy, Al."

"Sure you are," she said, bringing my hand up to her mouth and biting gently.

"You're such a dork," Edward said, pushing by us. He left his distinct scent swirling around me like a hazy drug, and my eyes practically rolled in the back of my head.

Al saw my face and rolled her eyes. "Come on," she yanked me toward the couch. "Didn't you want to talk to us?"

My stomach lurched. "Yeah, I really do."

They all got settled into the living room, each one waiting patiently for me to begin. Carlisle sat down on my right and Edward to my left. Alice was grinning at me from across the room, looking silly and excited. Emmett plopped down sideways in the recliner with a leg dangling over the arm. Esme perched herself on the wide ottoman, folding her skirt neatly beneath her like a lady.

Carlisle gestured toward me. "The floor is yours."

I swallowed nervously. I wasn't used to this kind of attention. I was used to having to holler and cuss to gain my parents attention. Edward took my hand, squeezing gently. I peeked up at him and took courage from his presence.

"Well, I really don't know where to start, or how much to say… " I was lost. How much of your families dark secrets should you share before it just got awkward?

"Just start at the beginning, dear." I looked up and met Esme's eyes. She nodded confidently.

I took a deep breath and started at the beginning, as Esme suggested. I told them everything, from the fighting to the abuse, to the horrific slamming I would hear through the walls at night. How my mother's cries of pain would make me act out to take Charlie's attention off her. I answered lots of hard questions, like: Were you ever hit, and so on. I explained that I wasn't, but there were times I was a breath away from defending myself. I told them in detail how I feared for my mother's safety and the guilt I feel for leaving her behind. I showed Carlisle the pill bottle I found in the car and he examined it with a furrowed brow and thoughtful eyes, but said nothing. The Doctor in him prevented him from disclosing anything medical. Besides, I would Google it later anyway. Edward's grip was getting tighter and tighter as the conversation went on. I haven't even gotten to the worst part yet.

"I'll admit, I wasn't exactly a perfect daughter." I gestured to the tattoo's and nose stud. "But the abuse sent me over the edge. I had no other outlet." I felt Edward stiffen beside me. I knew he was blaming himself for this. It was in his nature.

I shook my head and sniffed angrily. I didn't want to cry. I've done enough of that for one day, my eyes were as dry as raisins.

"No one's judging you, Isabella," Carlisle reassured. "You were put in an impossible situation without adult guidance. It's a wonder you didn't do anything worse."

"Yeah, it's not like you got a huge crossbones and skull on your chest," Emmett added.

"Shut up, Emmett." Alice hissed. He glared back, making me smile.

"Renee… " Esme started, then chose not to continue. Her hazel eyes, so like my mother's, were large and luminous with tears. I knew she was scared for her friend.

I took a deep breath and said, "When I would hear the awful things he'd say to her, and the way she couldn't look me in the eye after, I knew she was slowly giving up. That's when I would fight for her, because she had no more strength, no will." Esme gasped, covering her mouth. "When I got up the courage to tell my mother I was leaving, she panicked, and I know why. She tried to stop me, but I told her I couldn't do it any longer. That I had to get away from that place and go home." I buried my face in my hands and moaned, the tears springing free. "I should have taken her with me! I'm so scared that he's going to hurt her!"

"Esme," Carlisle said authoritatively. "Call Renee, make sure she's okay and tell her Bella's here."

"But I don't have her number anymore."

"It's on my phone in the car," I choked out.

"Bella…" Alice said, bending down in front of me. "Why didn't you tell me it was that bad? I would have driven up there to take you back!"

I hiccupped and looked at her. "I'm sorry, Al. I should have trusted you, but I was so ashamed."

She leaned up and hugged me tightly. "You shouldn't feel ashamed for your father's actions."

"She's right," Carlisle agreed, rubbing my back. "Bella, how are you, physically I mean? You look sick."

I looked at him and shook my head. "No, I'm just exhausted. I drove for three days without sleep and I'm starving. Other than that I'm fine."

"Other than that…" Carlisle repeated, looking apaulled. "It's a damn good thing you got here when you did, young lady. Going without sleep is dangerous; you can hallucinate, fall asleep at the wheel, not to mention the physical things it does to you."

I sniffed and dabbed a tissue to my eyes. "I know, Carlisle. I'm sorry. I was just so afraid Charlie would arrest me. He threatened to send out an APB if I didn't return at once. But I stood up to him and said no. Then he proceeded to kick me out."

"Wait a minute," Emmett sat forward, looking mutinous. "Are you telling us that you don't have a place to stay?"

"Yes she does," Alice defended, wrapping her arm around my waist. "She can stay here!"

"No," I shook my head. "Not forever. Just until I get a job and earn up enough to get my own apartment in Phoenix. I don't need much, but if I go to school during the day I can work at night and do my homework in between shifts_." God, that sounded miserable. What was I gonna do?_

"But what about transportation?" Emmett asked bemused.

I shrugged, completely overwhelmed. "I'll ride the bus until I can find a second hand car."

"Bella," Carlisle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "This is insane." My heart sank. Here's where he tells me to go back.

"What am I supposed to do?" I challenged. "I can't go back. I won't go back."

"No," he agreed quickly, seeing hysteria rear its ugly head. "I would never allow you to go back to an abusive parent. What kind of monster do you think I am?" he teased.

"A handsome one who gives lollipop's to his patients?" I joked.

He chuckled, patting my knee. "No, you'll stay here with us. Emmett goes to Miami in a month's time and you can have his room." I started to argue but Emmett beat me to the punch.

"What the hell? I'm not even gone and you're already replacing me?"

"Shut up, Emmett, or I'll tell everyone you still take Flinstone's Vitamins!" Alice blackmailed.

"Fine," he growled. "Just don't mess everything up with your girly shit, Bella!" he warned, sinking back into the recliner, looking moody and sulky.

I shook my head. "This is ridiculous. I didn't come here to thrust me problems on you. I only need a place to stay for a few months until I make enough money to move out. I won't put you and Esme in this position. I'm not a leech."

"You're not going anywhere," Edward said. I turned to look at him and he was glaring at me. I flinch back, but stood my ground.

"Edward, I can't just move in."

"Why not?" he challenged.

I quirked my bitch brow. "Because!" Brilliant, Bella. "There's Charlie to consider. He may still retaliate, and I do not want your family to feel the repercussions!"

Edward flushed and pursed his beautiful lips. Geez, he was even adorable frowning. "Fine than! I'll go with you."

"What?" Carlisle said sharply.

"You heard me, If Bella goes, I go." I stared at him with my mouth wide open. He could probably count how many fillings I have.

"Edward, I won't let you throw away your life because mines messed up. I won't drag you or Alice down with me."

"Well, if he goes, I go," Alice whined.

"Okay, okay, enough," Carlisle held up his hands for order. "This is officially a closed conversation. You and Alice are going nowhere but to help Bella get her things from the car and putting them in Alice's room. I don't think Alice will object?"

"No," she smiled angelically. _Good God, just sprout some wings why don't you, Al._

"And, Bella, there will be no arguing me on this point. Esme and I will always be here to help you. You haven't had that for a long time it seems, and it's what you need now; parents."

My chin quivered and I tackled Carlisle with a hug. "Thank you, Carlisle! Thank you!"

He chuckled. "Anytime dear." I let him go from my choke hold and dabbed my eyes. "Edward," he said. "I want to talk to you privately after this, okay?"

"Sure," he nodded. The look he gave his father was one of dread.

Esme walked in the living room where we congregated, looking worried. She held my phone out to me. "I can't get a hold of her. Your phone company says it was shut off."

I took it from her and sighed. "Charlie must have cut my service off."

"What?" Edward yelled indignantly. "He shut your phone off when you could have still been on the road somewhere? What the hell is wrong with that man? Doesn't he care? You're his daughter for Christ sake!"

I leveled my eyes with his and took his hands. "I know it's harsh, but that's the way Charlie is. He means what he says, and when I said I wasn't coming back he told me I was cut off, for good. It's horrible, yes, but I'm happy, happy because I'm free of him and back here with you and Alice."

"I know," he growled through gritted teeth. "But it doesn't excuse… "

"Edward, relax." Esme pulled him off the couch, threw her arm around his waist and bumped his hip with hers. "It's your birthday. This is a day for celebration, not anger."

"And we'll be partying it up by the pool later!" Alice jumped up and down, squeeing.

Edward slowly calmed down, never taking his disapproving eyes off of mine. I knew this was going to be a thorny subject with Edward. He had some macho need to protect the women in his life, but I was far away from Forks. What could Charlie really do anyway? "You're right, mom. I'll be mad another day."

"Good," she said. "Let's get some lunch. I hear our Bella is famished."

I followed the Cullen's into the kitchen, watching their light hearted banter and loving behavior toward one another. It made me sad that my own family was falling apart at the seams and couldn't be like this. But as I watched them I realized something; they just took me in without batting an eyelash. They trusted me.

The realization did something to the protective walls that kept me safe for so long; it fractured, weakening its hold on me… and I was afraid. Maybe their influence will help tear it completely down. Vulnerability wasn't exactly my favorite thing, but if I wanted to make a go at being with Edward, I needed to trust other's with my heart… especially him.

"Bella, just wait until you see the clothes I bought you!" Alice sang across from the kitchen. "And the dress for the party, drop dead sexy!" Edward perked up, looking hopeful.

Emmett leaned down and said, "Be afraid, be very afraid." Alice broke into a dance that looked an awful lot like the running-man.

And so it begins…

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**So, what did you think? Drop me a line and tell me anything you want to here? More Edward, more Bella, more snogging? Hopefully have a new chapter up in a few weeks. Cya soon ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey girls. Sorry I've been MIA for a while but I got really sick with pneumonea and blah blah blah. You get the picture. It wasn't pretty. **

**So here's the next chapter in my story, Going Home. And as always I own nothing of the Twilight saga. All characters are Stephenie Meyers; lucky bitch.**

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**GOING HOME**

**CHAPTER 8**

**BPOV**

An uneasy feeling settled in my bones as I sat on the Cullen's front porch, smoking a cigarette. You see, Charlie's ability to play mind games with me, thousands of miles away, had me second guessing myself; did I do the right thing by leaving Forks so hastily? What harm would two more months in that shit-tastic town have done to me?

I guess I'll never know.

Since I arrived in Scotsdale I haven't been able to reach Renee. It was driving me fucking crazy! Not being able to make sure she was okay had my brain cramping in the worst way, a migraine pulsing annoyingly behind my eyes, the sunlight, ironically, making it doubly painful. Caring for her had been my job for so long now that I was having a difficult time dealing with the separation. To me it was like leaving a small child alone to fend for its self. It was criminal.

_Stupid, irresponsible bitch,_ I snapped at myself.

I'd never forgive myself if she were hurt because of me. My happiness isn't worth her safety.

My desperation was such that I actually broke down and called home, risking another ugly encounter with Charlie. No one answered of course.

Once I finally gave up calling Edward strong-armed me into taking a nap, literally dragging me up the staircase and depositing me into Alice's bed. On any other occasion I would have found this incredibly hot, but right then I was too exhausted to care. I begged him to try Renee's work number before he snapped the door closed behind him.

After two hours of restless sleep I gave up, staggering out of Alice's room and down the stairs. I was seeing double at this point, everything taking on a psychedelic edge. Only I wished I really were high instead of just suffering sleep deprivation.

I found the Cullen's in their den gathered around Carlisle's big mahogany desk. Esme had the phone pressed to her ear, wearing a frown. "Well, if you see her please tell her to call Esme Cullen. She has the number…. Yes, you too. Goodbye." She hung up, looking crestfallen.

"What did they say?" I asked anxiously, ringing my hands. They all jumped, unaware of my presence. Edward gave me the stink eye for being awake. I ignored him, which was difficult considering how hot he looked with slightly damp hair and bare feet. He must have just showered.

Esme pushed back from the desk and stood up, striding across the room toward me. "I'm sorry, honey. They said your mom's been calling out sick and no one's seen her." My face fell, losing all hope. I've been here a total of five hours and Charlie already has her locked away as spoils of war.

Esme pulled me into a maternal hug bringing my repressed tears to the surface. I tried to choke them off but it didn't work; I was too tired to keep fighting.

"Oh, honey, don't cry," she crooned. "We'll find her. Won't we Carlisle?"

"We'll do everything we can," he promised sincerely. And I believed them, though a gnawing feeling grew in the pit of my stomach that I may not ever see my mother again.

Edward walked forward and took me from his mother's arms. "Let me take her outside, mom." Esme nodded, reluctantly relenquishing me to her concerned son.

In the back of my mind I registered that Edward was still in protective mode, but all I could think about was how my poor, sick, mother was suffering because of mine and Charlie's bull-headedness; a trait I was ashamed to admit I inherited from him. And before one of us finally gave in, waving that white fucking flag of defeat, I would not be allowed to see my mother.

Charlie: One... Bella: Zip...

With numb realization I followed Edward and Alice onto the porch, both of them offering encouraging words and hugs. I cried into Edward's broad shoulder cursing my stupidity. But being cradled in his strong arms, feeling his intense protectiveness and concern forced me to admit what was really killing me; I chose them over her… and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

A small sob escaped my throat. I was the worst daughter in the world.

Twenty emotional minutes later the brilliant sun began to sink below the cities skyline, taking with it the powder blue color and whispy white clouds. Dusk had replaced it in a blink of an eye. As much as I've missed the sun I've also missed the stars. It was a common thing to see a falling star here, so I kept my eyes peeled for one.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay if we go inside, Bella?" Alice asked, interrupting my reverie. I glanced up and realized she and Edward had left me on the top step with a half smoked cigarette between my fingers, and arm around my knees.

"I'm good, Al" I lied, clearing my throat. "You guys go in ahead of me. I'll only be a few more minutes. Besides, those decorations won't put themselves up." She pursed her lips, clearly not buying my bluff. She knew the inside of my head was a scary mess, but she was expecting a hundred plus guests in an hour and needed to prepare. In a sad, losery, kinda way, I was glad for a few minutes to myself, if not simply to clear my head enough to function without bumping into walls.

"I'll be right inside if you need me," she promised. I nodded, watching my two besties walk through the threshold together. Edward turned around and eyed me until the door closed between us. When his eyes were finally off me I released a held breath and pressed my palms into my bloodshot eyes. A great yawn grabbed hold of me and I wondered: _what do I do now? I don't know anything about being responsible for myself. Sure, I earned minimum wage at Newton's, but who's stupid enough to hire a seventeen year old with no experience other than selling camping gear? I suppose there is one bright spot in this catastrophe, though; I don't have to worry about housing anymore. That's a huge weight off my shoulders. But God, I feel so guilty for moving in with the Cullen's, like a rat taking up residence in the attic, scratching at the floor boards at all hours of the night. And poor Emmett, he got shafted out of his room without any say…_

I sighed, blowing my bangs out of my eyes.

… _And then there's the big question, the question I want to avoid but can't because it's staring me right in the face; what about college? Without money and parents helping with the impending tuition, I'm screwed, blued, and literally tattooed! _

_God, what have I done? _

I happen to glance up into the black velvety sky... and my breath caught. A star just shot across the sky toward the desert! Mom told me when I was five or six that if I made a wish on a falling star it would come to pass. Concentrating with all the desperation I felt, I closed my eyes and sent my thoughts out to the universe; _I need you, mom! I'm scared! I wish you'ld leave Charlie and come back to Phoenix. Please._

Hopefully, wherever she is, she'll have heard me.

Someone turned the porch light on, startling me. It was probably Edward. His face kept popping up in the living room window over my right shoulder, stealthily checking on me. I felt bad about worrying him; it's his birthday for Christ sake. Thankfully Alice was keeping him busy decorating the house for his "non" birthday party, hanging red and gold crate paper and helium filled balloons that said Happy Birthday. I could faintly hear Emmett sucking in the helium and singing Happy Birthday like a chipmunk. I giggled in spite of myself.

"You know…" came a pleasant, husky, voice from the street. "Smoking is a disgusting habit." My head snapped up and I found a dude toeing his skateboard along the sidewalk. He smirked and brought a cigarette to his own lips; _smart ass._

He had short black hair styled in a faux-hawk and his skin was a deep golden tan; definitely Spanish or Native American. His style was decidedly indie; faded green Weezer t-shirt and a pair of gray skinny jeans riding low on his narrow hips. I smirked at his red high-top converse and douche-chain.

He was cute, in a skater-boy kinda way.

I stood up eyeing my smoldering cigarette. "Yeah, but I can't seem to quit."

"Tell me about it," he muttered darkly and flicked his across the Cullen's lawn. I didn't even have the strength to flick my own, so I dropped it to the ground, stomping it out with the toe of my boot.

"So," I said, strolling lazily up the driveway with both hands shoved in my back pockets. "Are you here for Alice's party? Cause you can come in, though I'm afraid you're the first to arrive."

He barked a laugh. "I highly doubt _Alice Cullen_ would invite me in."

I furrowed my brows. "And why not?"

"Well, look around yourself..." He pointed toward the expensive cars in the Cullen's driveway and the security cameras aimed at the big, pretty, houses. "Do I really look like I belong here?" I assessed him closer. Up close everything he owned was second hand or worn to the point of threadbare. But I didn't mind, most of my clothes looked like that too.

I frowned. "I don't see your point?"

He took a deep, martyred, breath and rather bluntly said, "I'm trailer trash and, well, she's not."

My frown deepened. "Alice is a sweetheart," I said perplexed. "She'd invite anyone into her home, rich or poor. I should know. I'm flat broke!" He snorted doubtfully.

Alright, this ass-clown was pissing me off!

"And who the hell are you to make assumptions about Alice like that?"

He thrust his hand out with a winning smile. "Sam Clearwater, that's who." I glared at his hand until he dropped it.

Clearwater, Clearwater… that sounded so familiar.

It took my fuzzy, sleep deprived brain, a second to place the name with Seth's face. His golden skin, dark eyes, sunny smile… "Wait, isn't Seth Clearwater Edward's friend from baseball? Is he related to you?"

"Cousin," he said, popping a breath mint in his mouth. "Want one?" I reluctantly took one; nothings worse than ashtray mouth. He shoved the roll back into his pocket and the phrase: _Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me_, flew into my mind. Those skinny jeans were tight as a mother fucker.

"And who the hell might you be?" he asked, stealing my line with a grin.

"Bella Swan. I used to live right over there." I jerked my thumb toward the Hales Twinki colored house.

His eyes lit up. "Hey, you're the girl everyone's talking about!" I arched a questioning brow. "Everyone's Twittering about you and Edward at the ball field, or posting it on Facebook." He shrugged at my mortified expression. "You're blowing up the social network, Bella."

Before I could get a hold of my rising temper, I cried, "Awww, come on!" I can just imagine my emotional meltdown ending up on Youtube next to Keyboard cat! _Goddamn tech-savvy generation! _

"Why would they do that?" I demanded angrily.

He shrugged, chuckling. "They want to know if you're his girlfriend, cause', you know, it would explain why he doesn't date."

_Holy crap, juicy information alert! _

"Hold on, Edward doesn't date?"

"Nope, not that anyone's seen." I couldn't help the manic grin that spread across my face. I tried to hide it with the curtains of my hair but I wasn't quick enough. Seth rolled his eyes skyward.

"I'm sorry," I patted my burning cheeks, embarrassed. "Edward kind of has a strong effect on me."

"Yeah," he muttered bitterly. "You and all the girls at school."

"Wait, you go to Desert High?" I flipped through my mental catalog of past peers. "I've never seen you before, have I?"

"Nah, we've never met. I moved in with Sue and Seth two years ago when Harry died."

"Cool," I nodded unthinking. "Wait, what am I saying, _not_ cool!" I loudly slapped my forehead. "God I'm such an idiot!" Sam chuckled, entertained by my spazziness.

"I'm sorry, Sam," I apologized, hoping my sympathy was coming through. "I didn't know Harry died. I must have moved just before."

"It's okay, don't sweat it. I knew what you meant." He waved it off with a sunny smile. I blew out a relieved breath. He was refreshingly easy going.

Sam hopped up on his skate board and did a few flip-tricks. I watched with intense interest. I always wanted to join a skate pack. There's something so cool about them; you know, the X-Games, skate parks, loud alt-rock music, tattoo's, and an I-don't-give-a-shit attitude. It screamed Bella.

I was inexplicably feeling much friendlier toward Sam despite his earlier gaffe concerning Alice. And I wanted to know why he had to live with relatives instead of at home with mom and dad.

"Sam, where are your parents?"

"My dad's in the Navy, floating around in enemy territory somewhere. And mom died from breast cancer when I was fourteen, so..." He wouldn't look at me, instead opting to impress me with a curb trick. He was very good at hiding his feelings.

I uncharacteristically pressed him for more information.

"So, why did you move in with Sue then?"

"To help ease her financial burden after Harry passed," he explained, kicking his board in the air and landing on it, face up. "Or at least that's what the old man says. Personally, I think it eased _his_ burden." Ah, I see. Daddy issues, like me.

"You have a job then?"

"Yeah, we each take a shift at Harry's old garage. Seth and I fix bikes and Sue runs the office."

"This garage is a family owned business?"

He grinned at my nosey questions, though I thought I was being stealthy about it. "Yeah, it's a family affair I suppose." An unexpected rush of respect shot through me. He didn't expect things to be handed to him on a silver platter. He earned his own way… as I had to now.

Maybe he can help. "Hey, do you know if the garage is looking for extra help?"

He halted his dizzying tricks and paused in front of me. "A girl in a motorcycle repair shop?" He looked incredulous. "Honey, I'm not so sure that's wise."

My smile immediately dropped. "And why not?"

"Because," he grinned, condescendingly. "I'm not sure you could handle the attention."

I reached out and poked him hard in the chest, making him roll back a few inches on his board. "This isn't the fucking nineteenth century, Sam Clearwater! Women can work wherever they God damn want!" He broke into loud guffaws.

"Oh, my God, Bella," he laughed, holding his stomach. "You're so easy to rile up!"

I huffed indignantly and turned to stalk away. "Whatever, Sam."

He grabbed my hand, yanking me backward. "Aw, come on. I was only teasing." When I didn't respond he nudged me playfully in the shoulder. "You know, Bella, now I have to get you that job on principle alone." My eyes snapped back to his cute face.

"Really?" I asked, hating the desperate hope in my voice. "You'll seriously try?" His smile broadened and he nodded, his dark eyes glittering with humor.

"Does it really mean that much to you?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't ask otherwise, Sam." He studied the haunted shadows passing across my face and rocked back on his heels, taken aback. I could see that he understood on some level that I too was stumbling through life.

"We're all running from something, aren't we?" he observed keenly.

I snorted, looking away. "If you only knew."

"There you are," someone called from the house. I spun around and found Edward striding across the lawn toward us. Sam's face fell and he hopped off the skateboard, backing away from me several paces.

Standing here with Sam in the pools of artificial street lights Edward looked like an imposing shadow swooping down on us. When he came into view… I gasped. He was wearing a dark pair of dress pants and a fitted black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows exposing toned forearms. On his left wrist was thick leather cuff I'd never seen before, and for some reason that simple accessory made him look bad-ass.

_My God_… There was only one reaction a girl in my position could make while observing this lethally hot man… I moaned like a whore.

"Hey," he said, pale green eyes assessing the situation. "I couldn't find you." I heard the well-concealed panic in his voice.

"I was here the whole time," I assured him. "… talking to Sam." I smiled up at my new acquaintance but he didn't seem to notice. He was too busy staring at Edward's arm as it snuck around my waist.

"Alice is looking for you," Edward murmured against my temple, kissing it. My eye sought out Sam's face. He watched us with a cool, clinical, detachment. Odd, I thought, considering how easy going he was a minute ago.

"Sam," Edward nodded curtly.

"Edward," he murmured back, tension rolling between them. I arched a brow; was it me or did the temperature just drop ten degrees?

Sam's dark eyes were tight when they slid back to mine. "So do you have a number I can reach you at or what?" I blinked at his abrasiveness. It unexpectedly chafed.

"For the garage," he reminded me with an edge of annoyance.

I jumped. "Oh, the job!" I proceeded to pat down my pockets for the phone and remembered it's no longer in service. "Crap!" I spat. "I need to get a new service plan, Sam. My old one doesn't work anymore." _Fucking Charlie!_ Sam nodded, clearly not believing my cells-on-the-fritz story. He thought it was an excuse to be rid of him, and for some strange reason that bothered me.

Normally I don't give a crap about anyone's feelings, other than Edward and Alice. But there was something about this hard working, skateboarding, smart mouthed, Sam Clearwater that lit a spark of kinship within me. Life seemed to take pleasure in kicking both our asses, and as much as I love Edward and Alice, they just don't understand what it's like. They haven't lived the nightmare of having one of your parents go bat shit crazy on you. It would be nice to talk to someone who's lived it, from one troubled kid to another. It reminded me painfully of Sin back in Port Angeles, waiting for a call that was never going to come. I instantly felt like a cold hearted bitch for what I did to him. He was practically begging for a friend and I curled in on myself protectively, pushing him away. I shook my head, disgusted with myself. I swore back in Washington I wouldn't let anyone in, out fear of being hurt. But when I came back to Phoenix I realized something in observing my two best friends… It's okay to have friends outside of our immediate circle. They certainly had. The ginormous list of names for the party was a testament to that. And for some reason it bothered me, like I had expended more effort in being miserable than they had. But that sounded immature, so I stifled my stupidity before it took root in my mind.

My palms grew sweaty and my heartbeat spiked. This was going against three years of solid masochism... But I had to try…

"How about calling me at the house, Sam?" Edward threw me an incredulous look.

"And what house would that be?" Sam snarked. I could tell it was to cover the sting of rejection he felt.

"This one," I nodded over my shoulder. "I'm living with the Cullen's now." Sam's jaw dropped open and he shot Edward a dark look. I wasn't 100% sure what was being exchanged, but Edwards returned expression was smug, antagonizing the poor boy.

I found that I did _not_ like this side of Edward. A first, I assure yout.

I quickly rattled off the Cullen's number while he added it to his contact list, frowning at the screen. I wanted to defuse whatever bullshit was going on between these boys. It was stupid cave man behavior and frankly I'm over it.

Pushing off on his skateboard, the hard wheels scrapping against the concrete, Sam called, "I'll see you around, Bella."

"Bye Sam," I smiled for his sake, though I was angry at the beautiful bastard beside me. "And thanks. I really hope it works out." He smirked at me over his shoulder, somewhat mollified, and rounded the corner to where ever skater boys go at night.

As soon as he was out of sight I turned to glare at Edward. "What?" he said innocently.

"Was that a goddamn pissing contest?"

His kissable lips twitched in amusement. "Why whatever makes you think that?"

"Don't insult my intelligence, Edward! The only thing missing from that conversation were dicks and rulers!" He stared down at me, amusement morphing into something else, something heated and fiercely protective. Without warning, he reached out and grabbed my waist, pulling me against him. I could feel more of his hard lined body than I ever have in the past, and much, much, more.

Pressed between us was an obvious bulge. "Then if that's the case I'm positive I would have won by several inches." He nudged me with it, his voice low and rough. "What do you think, Bella?"

I just stood there frozen, concentrating on the massive erection poking my lower belly. I yearned to reach down and cup his length, feel it for myself. His dark gaze flicked to blood pooling in my cheeks then to my parted lips. It was three years ago, to the day, that we were in the same situation; me in Edwards arms, panting against his open mouth in an almost kiss. Except this time… I wasn't leaving him.

I clutched his shirt in my grip and pulled him to me so I could feel his rigid manhood more firmly. He hissed between his teeth, straining to stay still. There was no doubt in my mind as I gazed into his dilated eyes that we were meant to be here, in this moment, together. A reprieve…

I didn't know how long I stayed like that with Edward, just staring up into his hooded eyes, trying to convey everything I felt for him without actually saying the words_; I'm in love with you_. But the way he was looking at me made me think he already knew, and felt the same. Together we stood on the precipice of something that would change our relationship forever… and I was preparing myself to take that plunge.

Tentatively I reached out and splayed my fingers across his solid chest, admiring the way the golden porch light illuminated his finely carved features and highlighted the auburn strands in his soft hair. He was so, so beautiful.

"Bella," he said roughly, cradling my face in his large palms, reading the resolve in my burning eyes. "My Bella…"

His tone said it all. Apart we were weak, sad, individuals. But together, in each other's arms this way, we strengthened each other. He makes me a better person and vice-versa. Was that what love was? Having absolute faith that someone will always have your back? Was it knowing someone so well that they understood why you do the things you do… and share in those same beliefs? Or was it the simple things, like finishing one another's sentences, or handing them the salt without them having to even ask? You just instinctively know that person as well as yourself.

_I love him_, I marveled_. I really, truly, love him…_

And for all of that pretty hyperbole, I could only say one thing…

"Kiss me."

And that did it. Any pretense or control Edward possessed melted away. The walls crumbled, and everything we were holding back from each other since we were nine years old came rushing out. I reached up and brought his face down to mine. His arms encircled me… and brought his warm, soft, lips crashing down on mine. Every nerve ending in my body lit up, and I felt his desire in return. My name tumbled from his lips as they whispered against mine, and I gasped his name in return, tiny whimpers of pleasure escaping my throat. Our swollen lips smacked loudly in the dark, tongues clashing, teeth clacking, panting, panting, panting… we we're making quite the spectacle of ourselves. But I couldn't help myself. His kiss was like oxygen to my suffocating heart. And for the first time in my life I could really, truly, breathe.

When we pulled apart, it was like we still couldn't get close enough. We held each other's trembling body in the dark, our foreheads pressed together, gasping for air. From here on out it was all or nothing. We sealed the deal with that kiss. He was mine and I was his; no more what ifs.

"Now that should have been your birthday gift three years ago," I said into his neck, taking in deep greedy breaths of his scent; leather and clean after shave.

His low chuckle vibrated through my body, making me squeeze him tighter. "Then if that's the case you have three years of making up to do." I smiled into his neck, elated to hear that he expected more. Now that I kissed those succulent lips I'm not sure I can stop.

"Do you think our lips can handle that kind of demand?" I smiled.

He tilted my chin up and whispered, "There's only one way to find out…" and our lips met again.

I groaned into his humid mouth, tasting his tongue with mine in gentle was sweet and tasted of familiar flavors… _skittles_, I realized with a stab of shock! He still eats the candy I introduced him to when we were nine! For some reason that made me kiss him more fervently, sinking my fingers into his feather soft hair.

When we pulled apart, panting, his smile was lazy and crooked. "Saddle up, wench, I'm a needy boy." And just to add to his panty melting sexiness, he slapped my backside.

"And they say romance is dead," I teased, rubbing my right butt cheek. He laughed.

_He looks different_, I observed admiringly. His green eyes sparkled with mirth. They we're alight with love and happiness, instead of anxiety. I had to wonder, do I reflect the same?

The world has a nasty of way of abruptly returning you to reality. Cat calls and _woohoo's_ were being flung at us from every direction. One asshole even yelled_: Feel her tits!_ Edward chuckled while I groaned into my hands, embarrassed_._ Somehow we managed to block out the circus as it came to town. Loud music and the hum of many voices poured out into the street from the Cullen's house. Cars had clogged the driveway and were steadily collecting along the sidewalk, pissing off the neighbors who were peeking out their net curtains at the mayhem.

"Come on," he smiled, tugging my hand. "We should get inside."

Edward dragged me through a cluster of kids on the porch, all nodding to the beat of 50 Cents, In Da Club, because, you know, Scotsdale's so gangsta. People often made us stop so they could fist bump Edward and offer him a happy birthday. I noticed with pleasure how they serruptitiously watched me, as if trying to reconcile my old nerdy image with the new one. It brought a satisfied smile to my lips when they outright goggled at the vibrant body ink. The girls seemed to wrinkle their noses in distaste, where their male counterparts looked over my body with newfound appreciation. _They so wished. _

Amidst the sea of young faces was Esme and Carlisle, moving awkwardly between cliques. It made me giggle when a Goth-looking-girl winked at Carlisle, her blood red lips, pierced with silver hoops, quirked in a seductive smile. That was Ashley Dowling. I forgot about her obsession with Vampires.

"Son," Carlisle called in relief. He and Esme had their coats on and keys in hand, carving a hasty path toward us.

Edward grinned at his parents. "Hey, you guys leaving now?"

Carlisle nodded, handing Edward a credit card. "This is for emergency's while were away. Do not, under any circumstances, use it for anything other than food and gas money; understood?" Edward nodded responsibly.

Carlisle looked back at Ashley, shaking his head. "You and your sister sure have strange friends."

Esme hugged Edward and asked, "Did you get what you wanted for your birthday, dear?"

He smiled at over at me. "Yeah, I sure did." My answering smile was shy tinged with a rosy blush.

"Good," she said gruffly, swiping hastily at her eyes. "You take care of eachother while were gone, alright?" We nooded and offered our goodbye's.

"I can't believe it," I said to Edward once they were out of earshot. "Their trusting a house full of teenager's to stay alone, overnight, with a credit card?"

He shook his head, equally perplexed. "I'm not sure if that makes them the coolest parents on earth, or the dumbest people I know." I threw my head back and laughed with him.

"_Soooo_, what do you want to do now?" I asked, wishing for all the money in the world he'd drag me upstairs to his room and lock the door.

He smiled down at me knowingly. "Well, I know what I want to do. But I think Alice will just track us down and ruin the moment, so we better go find her first." I scowled knowing he was right.

As we braved the rowdy crowd, I wondered if Edward wanted to be alone with me later tonight, once the house had cleared. If so, than how far would things be expected to escalate? I know I'm a virgin, but I have no idea about Edward's past status. Any one of these pretty girls could have been with him. A sudden flare of jealous shot through me, and I was afraid I could never measure up to their perfection.

I need Alice's help, ASAP!

She screeched like a banshee when she saw us slipping through the thick crowd toward her. "Bella, what the hell?" Her face was tragic, like my appearance pained her. She, on the other hand, was wearing the prettiest yellow sundress that made her tanned skin and black hair stand out.

"I'm sorry," I apologized quickly. "This guy started talking to me out front and I got distracted."

"Guy? What guy?"

"Sam Clearwater," Edward said darkly, all traces of his previous lightheartedness gone. _Oh brother_, I rolled my eyes.

Alice turned back to me with a disapproving glare, hands on her hips. "We'll talk about him later. Right now, we have to march you upstairs and get you dressed." Normally I'd whine, But this time I needed her help. Alice looked shocked when I didn't protest.

She pulled me out of Edward's tight grasp and pushed through the crowd. I looked back over my shoulder and watched a group of guys swoop in on him with back slaps and arm punches. He stared at me with a goofy smile until the crowd swallowed me up.

"Emmett!" Alice yelled over the banister while shunting me up the stairs. "You're in charge until I'm back! Mingle and hand out drinks!" He grinned up at us with his dimples and winked. I noticed he looked really handsome in his jeans and white linen shirt. Strange, I thought. He looks like an adult amidst these kids.

"Okay," she said authoritatively once we were in her room. "There's the dress on the bed, you're shoes on the floor; size nine, and the hair clip for the braid. Gather it loosely together on the side, like this," she demonstrated on my hair, her deft fingers combing through my long mane. "And let it dangle over your shoulder so the new tattoo shows, okay?" I nodded obediently.

I opened my mouth a few times to ask her about muff-grooming and underwear and all the girly shit we have to do to stay desirable for our men… but I was too embarrassed. _This is Alice_, I argued with myself_. She won't care how inexperienced you are. Besides, she already knows._

"The dress is really pretty, Al." I said nervously, fingering the silky red material.

She smiled wide. "It is, isn't it? I had two to choose from; a black spaghetti strap sundress or the red strapless."

"Well, I'm glad you chose this one." I love the color red.

She nodded enthusiastically. "Plus I remembered how pale you said you were, and I didn't think you'd appreciate looking Emo in the black one." I smirked, agreeing with her assessment.

"How much did it cost?"

"I knew you'd say that." She marched over to her oversized Gucci bag and withdrew a receipt. It was from a store called Brandon's Dress Shop, the price at the bottom, $59.95 and a pair of pumps, $26.99. I sighed. Alice considered anything under $100 a bargain.

"You know," I said, handing back the receipt. "The most expensive item of clothing I own is a collarless leather jacket I found at a flea market for $20 bucks."

She shrugged, nonplussed. "You deserve nice things, Bella. Let me spoil you." I snorted.

Her expression turned thoughtful, examining my frown. "Bella, you know that right? You deserve to be happy." No, I didn't know that. I left my frightened, abused mother, in the hands of a meat-fisted prick just so I could run away from my problems. How did that constitute deservedness? But I understood her motives. If the shoe were on the other foot, I too would do the same for her. It's what best friends did; take care of each other. It had been so long since I had this in my life that I was rusty recognizing it. She cared, and was showing me the Mary-Alice way; through fashion and bossiness.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I yanked her into a fierce hug, wishing I could adequately tell her how much her friendship means to me.

"You saved my life, Alice, whether you know it or not."

She pulled back, confusion clouding her big hazel eyes; Esme's eyes. "How do you mean?"

I swallowed, wondering how to put this delicately. "There's this ridge overlooking a cliff at LaPush. And below that, about a mile straight down, is the Pacific Ocean. Well, when things got too… _overwhelming_… at home, I'd drive my truck up to the edge, drink a bottle of Jack, and rev the engine." Alice gasped staring sat me with wide, horrified eyes. "I'm not telling you this out of dramatics. I just need you to understand that fifty percent of the time, when we were talking or texting, I was sitting on that cliff deciding whether I should live or die."

"Oh, Bella!" she flung herself at me, smudging her makeup on the front of my new tank top. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I never had to," I said simply. "Al, every time I found myself in that deep dark place you would call me with the silliest topics or leave me the funniest texts. Like the time you decided to give Jasper your virginity…"

"… and he freaked out when I bled, asking me if I wanted a Band-Aid!" We both threw our heads back, laughing. "He actually handed me a…"

"… Harry Potter Band-Aid!" We howled for few breathless moments. "Christ, imagine walking around with Ron Weasley stuck to your cootch?"

"It gives the word _Alohamora_ a whole new meaning!"

"That's my point, though," I sighed. "You needed me, Alice, no matter how inept my advice was. It helped me see through the anger. You took me off that cliff."

She grasped both my hands and said, "I will always need you around, Bella. You're my best friend, my blood-sister." I nodded, grateful to hear it.

With that heartfelt admission I told Alice what happened on the front lawn, how her brother kissed me and held me and hinted that he would appreciate some alone time later. My fears weren't meantioned about inadequacey, but she knew me well enough to understand my sudden interest in improving my body image.

This was about sex.

She was beaming by the time I finished stammering. "So, you and Edward are like…"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Al, he's my boyfriend." She tackled me and shrieked.

After a minute of uncontrollable giggling I said, "He didn't officially ask me though."

"It doesn't matter. The boy loves you to death. Always has, always will." Her words made me smile, a warm glow growing deep in my chest.

"Well," I shyly admitted, biting my lip. "I assume he doesn't go around kissing girls like that without really liking them…"

She shook her head vigorously. "Oh no, he doesn't, Bella. As a matter of fact I don't think he's ever kissed anyone." _Except for Victoria,_ Alice thought, _and that was forced. So it didn't count._

I didn't make Alice tell me how she knew this. A brother doesn't usually share with his sister who he's kissed. But this is Alice were talking about. She probably has her finger on the pulse of everyone around her. Besides, I wanted Edward to tell me about his romantic past on his own. If I can't trust him now, then why trust him at all?

Alice gave me meticulous instructions on how to groom myself quickly and properly before she ran down the hall screaming at Emmett. The music suddenly changed from top 40 hits to the Desert High Schools Football fight song.

I hopped in the shower and shaved my body baby smooth, then rubbed coconut oil into my skin for a soft luster. The hot swirling steam opened my pores and absorbed the exotic scent. Once I was satisfied that I wouldn't scare Edward with jungle bush I turned off the taps and climbed out.

Back inside the bedroom I held up the red dress, examining it with a critical eye. It was strapless and short… really short… the expensive fabric sliding over my body in rivulets of silk. When I moved it fluttered weightlessly around me cooling my upper thighs. The only thing she gave me to wear underneath was a pair of lacy black panties, no bra. I eyed the soft swells of my pale breasts peeking out of the top of the tight bodice; it makes me look bustier than I really am.

_This is false advertisement, Al_. If Edward gets a peek at the real thing he's gonna be mighty disappointed.

I quickly did my hair as Alice demonstrated and swiped on a small amount of mascara, also applying a thin sheer of lip gloss. I didn't need blusher; Edward took care of that. I stepped back from the mirror and slid into the satiny red heels waiting by the vanity. _Really, Al, high heels? _Now I'm 6 feet tall exactly! Good thing Edward 6ft2. We can be freakishly tall together.

When I dared look at the finished product, I froze, staring wide eyed at the unrecognizable woman in the full length mirror. Alice has somehow transformed me from a pale slob to a glowing beauty. My tats were highly visible with so little coverage, but they looked pretty. Green leafy tendrils curled over my shoulders and the dark music notes danced up my left arm. I just hope Edward likes it and doesn't think I'm some stalker for permanently marking myself with memories of him.

With one last glance at myself in Al's full length mirror I stepped into the hallway and was immediately accosted with sounds of a party; loud thudding music, laughter, screams, and the hum of hundreds of people in one area at the same time. When I rounded the corner I found a sea of bodies milling about the living room, over flowing up the staircase and out onto the patio by the pool. They were laughing and holding red plastic cups, swaying to LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem…

_Party Rocking to the house tonight, everybody just have a good time. Cause we gon' make you lose your mind, everybody just have a good time… (_a hundred people paused to sing)… _Everyday I'm shufflin'…_

It was hilarious; Flash Mob worthy.

I spotted Emmett dancing around with his friends, pulling an irritated blonde girl into the fray. She barked at him and stalked off, stomping out the door. He just shrugged good-naturedly and continued to dance, or bounce up and down; depends on your definition of dance.

Seeing that kind of wild abandon had me scurrying down the stairs in anticipation. It's been a long time since I was a normal teenager, acting out for no good reason at all.

The crowd quickly swallowed me up, shunting me to and fro like the undertow of the ocean. A couple of people I recognized across the room held there cups up in acknowledgment. I smiled back and waved, holding my head high and striding past confidently.

"Oh my God, it's so good to see you!" Angela called over the music, hanging off Bens arm. We hugged and promised to get together this weekend. It was surprisingly gratifying seeing them together. Ang always nursed a crush on Ben.

A few unpleasant reunions took place as well; bullies from the past, torturers in the name of popularity, blah blah blah…

Tanya Denali and her Slut-Brigade encircled me, sneering and snapping their bubble gum. It was disconcerting how they all seemed to have the same exact double D's. Apparently Tanya's plastic surgeon father likes to prey on young girls insecurities.

"Bella," they drawled, looking me up and down, unimpressed.

"Ladies," I snarled in return. "I'd like to say it's nice seeing you again, but seeing as I'm not a liar…"

"We saw you at the ball field today."

I shrugged. "So."

"Edward is mine," hissed Tanya.

"Oh dear God," I sighed under my breath. "Please tell me you're not that delusional."

"Don't talk to her that way," Lauren said in her nasally voice.

"Yeah, skank!" clone number 3 added.

"Skank?" I barked a laugh. "Everything on this body is real, bitch. I didn't need to go crawling to someone's daddy for a boob job just to feel better about myself. And FYI, they look more like floatation devices than tits."

I rounded on Tanya. "So if that's all for tonight I'd like to get back to Edward and Alice."

She frowned when I moved to leave. "You have no idea the things he does to me in the back seat of his car!" I froze in my tracks. "That's right, he loves my fake boobs. Squeezes them every chance he gets." I imagined Edward squeezing one too hard, it pops under the pressure and air releases like a balloon-fart. It made me giggle, to their dismay.

"Why would he want you, Bella?" Lauren scoffed. "You're nothing but an ugly, tattooed, freak." Tanya snickered in agreement.

I considered just walking away. I was wasting precious Edward-time with this nonsense. But Tanya was the one who initiated the confrontation, so I had to end it on my terms; you know, fast forward through the banal crap and get to the actual fight.

"Tanya Denali, you used up piece of shit!" Was that opening a bit too harsh? I didn't think so.

Her blue eyes widened when I stalked toward her. "I hate you, loathe you, would push you in front of a fucking bus if I had the chance, but seeing as you have built-in airbags it would be a giant waste of my time. So I'll settle for this instead." I shoved her right shoulder, causing her to stumble backward into someone. They protested and shoved her back. "Do you even realize that every guy in this room regards you as a walking-talking venereal disease? Rumor has it that you're so loose that it's like throwing a fucking pole down a hallway." I heard a guy nearby choke on his drink and laugh. "Or at least that's what Edward told me when he was laughing behind your back." I watched her go red with a vindictive glee.

"Well… if Edward said that then that proves he's been with me," she said triumphantly.

I just stared. "Christ, you really are brain-dead aren't you?"

"But you just said…"

"I know what I insinuated, Tanya. The question is, do you?" She looked at her friends blankly.

I pinched my nose, shaking my head. "Holy hell, this is painful…"

I turned to look at them all, and said with an air of authority, "Alright, this is how it's going down. You three are going to walk away from me before I claw your fucking eyes out, understand? You stupid bitches think just because you bullied me when I was a kid you can do it all over again? Well honey, you are very much mistaken." I laughed low and menacing. "The fact is I've spent the last three years in a tiny, isolated, town where I've been slowly collecting all my rage, and now I have you three to direct it at. So go ahead and test me… I beg you." They slowly backed away, looking at me like I was crazy. Maybe they we're right.

I stared them down until they disappeared into the crowd, hearing them call me a psycho bitch. I felt flushed with adrenaline, the rush pumping through my veins_. God that felt good. _

I took a deep cleansing breath and glanced around for Edward, but what I found was a dozen or so eyes on me. I quickly realized they were witnesses to the smack down.

"It wasn't a fair fight really," I told them with a smirk. "It's easy to confuse cheerleaders. You just flash something shiny." They laughed.

Their approval brought a smug smile to my glossed lips, so I pushed through the cluster of bodies feeling pretty damn good about myself… despite the fact that I have yet to find the birthday boy.

Edward, where are you?

"Hello, beautiful," someone breathed in my ear. I gasped and whirled around, expecting Edward. Instead I found a sleek blonde guy breathing down my neck with piercing blue eyes and preppy clothes. His breath reeked of alcohol. I made to step away but a girl bumped into me, shunting me directly into his chest.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry?" I called over the music. He smiled winningly, holding onto my upper arms until I was steady.

"That's alright. You can fall into my arms anytime." _Did he just seriously wink?_

"Hey, I saw you at the ball field with Cullen, didn't I?" I blushed, thinking about what Sam told me about Facebook and Twitter. This douche knows who I am. So why act like he doesn't?

"Yeah, that would be me," I nodded, eyes roving the area for a flash of auburn hair or black clothes.

"I thought so," he smiled brilliantly, revealing overly white teeth. _God, this guys cheese factor is off the charts!_

"Speaking of Edward..." I glanced around at everything but him. "Have you seen him?" He shook his sleek blond head. There was something so fake about his… well, everything I suppose. His smile was forced, his preppy persona seemed misleading, and even the way he flirted was off.

Alarm bells rang in the back of mind: Walk away, Bella. Walk away quite fast.

Before I could follow my instincts he reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver flask, shaking it with a satisfying slosh. "Would you like a drink, darlin'? It's the good stuff."

"Um, no thanks," I said, shuffling out of his reach.

"Aw, come on," he teased. "It's only whisky. It won't hurt you… I promise."

"No, thank you, really. I have to find Edward." A frown flashed across his face.

I backed into something solid, and a pair of warm hands gripped my upper arms. I nearly shrieked. "Bella, don't scream. It's me."

"Edward," I breathed out, sagging in his arms. My relief was palpable.

"James," he called over the din of noise. "What's in the flask?"

"Whisky," he said defiantly. His entire demeanor changed under Edward's scrutiny. "Want some," he held out the flask with a nasty smirk. "Guarantee it's the best stuff _you've_ ever had, Cullen. My dad has the stuff imported from Ireland." _Ugh, this guy really is a douche._

"Sure, thanks." Edward snatched it out of James hands, surprising me.

Weighing it in his hand he muttered, "Hmm… almost empty. Let me go refill it for you, okay?"

"But…"

"Don't worry about it," Edward said, shunting me away. "Jasper has a bottle of Jack on him. You know, from _Texas_."

Before James could protest Edward shoved me through a gap in the crowd and fought our way into the kitchen where they weren't allowed in; Esme's orders. Alice stood with her back to us talking to a cute blonde guy I assumed was Jasper. He lifted his gray eyes to mine and smiled. Unlike James, Jasper radiated charm. I smiled back despite Edward dragging me furiously by.

"There you are!" Alice cried when Edward brushed past her. "I was starting to get worried… Wow, Bells," she gasped excitedly. "You look great! I knew that was the right dress for you!"

"You think so?" I asked when we rounded the marble island. "I was worried it was too short."

"No way," Alice wiggled her black brows. "The shorter the better."

Our girly giggling was interrupted when Edward dropped my hand and stalked over to the sink, twisting the flasks cap and dumping the contents down the drain.

"That fucker brought this shit to my fucking house, Alice!" He waved the flask at her. She looked taken aback glancing at me with questioning eyes. I shrugged, confused myself.

"I should call the police," he ranted. "Have them drag him to jail where he belongs, find out what being someone's bitch really feels like!"

I just stared, utterly perplexed. I've never seen him act like this, and to be honest it scared me. His green eyes were bright with fury, his nostrils flaring like a pissed off bull. I was surprised steam didn't come out like on Loony Tunes.

"Who are you talking about?" Jasper asked with a concerned southern drawl. It was deep and attractive.

"James Smith!" Edward exploded.

Alice paled and looked closer at the flask. "Are you sure it's his?"

He held up the flask initialed JMS. "I just caught him at it, Al! I should kick his fucking skull in!" Edward pivoted on his heels, heading toward the living room. My heart leapt with fear. No! I've only ever seen him this angry once before, and it was the day he learned I was moving away. Except now he's much bigger and able to do actual damage.

"You can't, Edward!" Alice snatched the back of his shirt, pulling him back before I could.

"Alice…" he argued, struggling to get free.

"Give me the flask." She snatched it from his grip and sniffed it, crinkling her nose. "Look, if you go in there and beat the shit out of him_… which I agree he deserves_," she added quickly when Edward looked mutinous. "… then his father will get involved and it'll be a legal mess." Sounds like a lawyer for a father. No wonder he reek's entitlement. "Besides, mom and dad will be held liable for whatever illegal substances have come through that front door tonight, including James."

Edward stared at his sister for a long uncomfortable moment, green pinning down hazel. His internal struggle was reeking havoc on him, his serene ocean eyes now a stormy hurricane of conflict. I was holding my breath, hoping to find out what the hell this was about. I've obviously missed some major drama while I was away. But seeing Edward all twisted up like this broke my heart. I needed to quickly make it better; were one is cut the other bleeds.

Edward exhaled a gusty breath, collapsing against the island. Folding his long arms over his chest he said, "This is just another reason not to throw these stupid parties, Alice. Half the kids in there are already drunk or high… and now this?"

"But it's your birthday," she said sadly. "You never let us celebrate, and this year I thought... " Her sad eyes flicked to me so quickly that I wasn't sure it even happened. Did she mean he stopped celebrating because of me? My heart dropped to my stomach. _I knew it!_ What misery did he put himself through because of me?

_There's only room for one masochist in this relationship, bud, and it's me!_

"We could have gotten by just as well with cake and ice cream, Alice. I don't need all this…" he waved at the decorations dismissively. "… bullshit."

Alice clutched her chest and leaned back into Jasper, clearly upset. He kissed the top of her head and murmured something in her ear. I reached out and smoothed my hand along her bare arm. She only wanted to give him a happy day with all his friends_. And a hundred acquaintances_, my subconscious added. I bit my lip, hiding a smile. Jasper flashed me a smirk, understanding Alice exuberance as well as I.

I was really starting to like him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in a broken voice. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Al..." Edward sounded exasperated, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm not mad at you. I appreciate what you did, you know that. But what the hell possessed you to invite James Smith? You know what he does to girls." _Woah, wait, what? _

"You should have seen him out there," Edward continued anxiously, tugging the red and blonde strands of his hair. "Waving this shit in Bella's face with a smug fucking smile!"

Alice's eyes went round as quarters, and before I knew it she grabbed my face in her hands, forcing me to look directly into her buggy eyes. "Tell me you didn't drink it, Bella! Tell me!"

"Drink what?" I demanded, pulling out of her painful grasp. "The Whisky?"

"Yes," Alice shrieked throwing her hands into the air and plopping them down on her hips.

"No, she didn't," Edward answered for me. "If she had she wouldn't still be conscious, now would she?"

He and Alice stared at me with matching expressions of horror. I frowned under their scrutiny. "What's going on, Edward? What aren't you telling me?" He pursed his beautiful lips, internally struggling whether he should say anything or not. I threw him my best bitch brow, letting him know I don't appreciate being in the dark.

"Fine," he sighed, shoving off the island. He stood in front of me and wrapped his long arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him, except this time there a sad lack of hard-on between us. I placed my palms on his chest and could feel his pounding heartbeat beneath them. "James Smith uses Roofies on unsuspecting, innocent, girls like you, Bella." A sudden flare of indignant anger shot through me. How dare he insinuate that I'm innocent or stupid! I'm no fool, Edward! I have instincts! How is anyone supposed to guess the person their talking to is a monster?

He continued, ignoring my furious glare. "Most of the time it happens at after-game parties, where the fan-girls are drunk and passed out, or at least impaired enough that their unable to fend him off. By the next day they know something bad happened, but they can't prove that it wasn't consensual, let alone who did it." I blanched at the thought of the disorientation and confusion the girls must have felt.

Alice hung her head and said, "We've seen at least a dozen girls at school crying in the halls the next day, looking ashamed and embarrassed."

"Wait a minute," I said incredulously, holding up my hands, not able to hear anymore. "You mean that douche bag tried to use date-rape drugs on me?"

"Yes," Edward nodded gravely.

"Holy shit," I breathed, unable to believe it. I recalled James' insistence that I have a drink, that it won't hurt me… he promised.

I suddenly felt nauseas.

"Seth and I have wanted to tell Coach Dwyer about it," he muttered, embarrassed I think. "But we found out something that could cause someone some serious trouble, and well, Seth isn't prepared to do that just yet."

"More trouble than a bunch of raped girls?" I spat, disgusted. He flinched. "You've got to tell someone, Edward!" I was absolutely aghast that he would allow such an atrocity to happen. What could possibly be holding him and Seth back? Or Alice and Jasper for that matter?

Nobody was explaining this to me, and it pissed me the fuck off!

"Well, what's Seth so afraid of that he won't allow you to turn in a rapist?" I broke the uncomfortable silence.

Edward looked at Alice, a message sent between them.

"Edward, your killing me here," I whined at the suspense.

He dragged his eyes from Alice and pinned me down with his own. Whatever he was about to say was a secret they've obviously kept for a while. He licked his lips and mumbled, "James gets the drug from Seth's cousin, Sam." I rocked back on my heels, hit over the head with an invisible frying pan. If Edward didn't have his arms around me I would have sunk to the floor.

"No," I shook my head, sure it was some mistake. "Sam seemed really cool. I liked him." He's the first person other than Edward and Alice I allowed myself to be friendly with. We had things in common and he was going to get me a job at a bike garage… I felt a deep bite of betrayal where my heart beats, then I was angry, pissed, infuriated that I did the one thing I swore never to do again! Trust anyone outside of these two…

"S Sam?" I stuttered. "But… but he seemed so…" So what, Bella? You met him once for only ten minutes.

_Unsuspecting, innocent, girl_, rang loud in my ears. And now I understood why Edward said that; not to hurt my feelings, but because it was true. As bitchy and witty as I prided myself to be, I got easily bamboozled by a cute, skater-boy- dealer, less than 24 hours of being back in the city. And now he has the Cullen's home number in his contact list thanks to me.

I did a mental face palm.

Well, at least it explained Edward's odd behavior earlier. He had my back whether I realized it or not… and like the bitch I've become I threw it back in his face, accusing him of being a jealous boyfriend.

_Boyfriend._

Edward was being a protective boyfriend_. _He wasn't being a selfish cave-man like I accused him of being. He simply loved me.

Without giving myself any kind of conscious permission, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, right in front of Alice and Jasper. An obscene kiss too, one full of tongues and groans and embarrassing slurps. When I let go of him, satisfied that he got the message, he staggered back into the island, looking shell shocked and simultaneously pleased. Poor Alice and Jasper were trying to be cool about it, but they broke into snorts and amused coughs every time they looked at us.

"Thank you for watching out for me," I said breathlessly.

"I always will, Bella." He kissed me chastely. I smiled up into his impossibly beautiful face, feeling a myriad of emotions; intense love for Edward, betrayal from Sam, relief that I wasn't raped by some sick fuck with a tiny prick, and grateful for Alice's friendship and all who came along with her.

"You've gotta talk to Seth, Edward," Jasper encouraged. "It's gotten way out of control. James was way too close to hurting your girlfriend."

"You're right," Edward agreed, his eyes hardening with resolve. "I'll go find Seth and we'll look for James together. This has to stop."

"But how do we prove it?" Alice asked, eyeing the silver flask near the sink. "You just dumped the last of the evidence down the drain, Edward."

He unfolded me from his body and strolled to the door. "We'll figure it out when the time comes." He paused just as he was about to walk out into the unruly crowd. "Oh, and Bella…" I looked up expectantly. "You look beautiful by the way. Don't think I haven't noticed." I smiled stupidly, and with that he was off to fight for my honor.

* * *

**Soooooo, what do ya think? Should I write an EPOV next? Personally I think James deserves a good ass kicking, don't you? And by the way... don't be too harsh on Sam. Things aren't always what they seem.**


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